Favortism

[camismom]

The thread Miles started about Grandmas in the Behavior section and a reply I made got me to thinking. How common do you think it is for parent's to show favortism? For grandparents? For those of you with more than one child, do you think you can be guilty of it or have been at times?

My grandparents have always been blatantly more favoring of my aunt than my mother. And the funny thing is my mother has ALWAYS complained of it and been hurt by it, yet she does the same thing with me and my sister. Guess she doesn't see that though. With my grandparents I have always thought it was due to my mom being the accident child and my aunt being the planned one. My grandparents were still children themselves when they got married. My grandmother was 17 and my grandfather 16... my mother was born "premature" eight months later. Eleven year later when they had become adults they planned for Aunt V. With my mom I have always thought her favoring of K has to do with all the health problems K had when born which resulted in learning problems with her. I was always "smart" and independent so mom didn't have to look out for me as much I guess. But it just grew into so much more in that she does so much more for her and with her, and now with and for her kids.

I know that I am the favorite of my dad (he has told my dh so) though ironically I'm not the one he raised. I have to give him credit though that he tries his best not to let it show.

I used to literally worry about this myself...wondering if I would play favorites, esp. when me and Andy considered having a child. I worried that I would favor the child I had with him rather than the child I had with the ex. Thankfully I never had to find out. I would like to think though that I would have treated all my children equally.

Anyway, I'm interested in seeing what others think of this and why they think it happens if they see it.

[finnmom]

I think it´s only human....
My mil does surely have favor´s; my niece, the 1st grandchild and my dd7(I honestly dont know why ). The sad part is that she also has 2 grandchildren who just cant be able to please her as much as other´s no matter what they do; my niece #2 and my ds

My mom has a cetain place in her heart for my ds, her 1st grandchild, but I dont honestly think she´s favoring him over the girl´s after all, he´s just the first....

[SKay]

My mom tries so hard to avoid favoritism that in the days before e-mail, when she was sending us letters in the mail, she would rotate the order she addressed the envelopes so that one wouldn't always be first.

[camismom]

skay said:

My mom tries so hard to avoid favoritism that in the days before e-mail, when she was sending us letters in the mail, she would rotate the order she addressed the envelopes so that one wouldn't always be first.

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Have to give her an A for effort!

Sorry christy pushed thje wrong button ;D ;DI was trying to quote you ;D ;Dhave a good day ;D ;D

[Kaiti]

Let's try this again ;D ;D

I think that my mom favors Tara......well, no, I KNOW she favors Tara, so we try to over look it, but it's hard, I think Mikey has just started to realize this too.

As far as me and my sister, I think she's the favorite too, at least with Mom.......dad on the other hand, I can't tell.......Mom-mom I think favors the boys in the family.....heck she raised 4 of them not counting her nephews.....but I am just like them so I think I get a bit of favor there.....but she favors Mikey--the boy thing again..........

Mom's side doesn't really favor that I see which is good because there are alot of us ;D

[Linda]

We all love our kids but we love them differently..each child has a special place in my heart.

Now saying all that...being a Gramma.....yes I try really hard not to show favoritism....but I admit it is hard I have always felt that Paul is my son rather than my grandson....he is my heart.

[camismom]

well Linda... you raised Paul so it makes sense you would think of him as a son. He's a VERY lucky young man! But then again, all of your kids and grandkids are.

[kstquilter]

i know my mom favors my niece and i understand some because she lives in the same town. we lived in Ga when the kids were small and are still 2 hours away. my brother even noticed it and it's his daughter.
my kids are also aware since they are older. but we don't see her all the time especially now as the kids stay here more often to work and i go by myself to visit. but it is hard to watch. i hope i do a better job of that.
karen

[mothercat]

I think there is favoritism in every family and every aspect of life..home , work, school, friends, businesses...it's just there. We stress to our kids that it is not how people treat you that counts...its how you treat other people that really counts.
I heard somewhere that in the grand scheme of things each life is like a breath...a whisp in the air... even if you live to be 100..you are here today , time flies and poof you are gone. I dont want my kids to carry on the tradition of worrying about who was who's favorite. We tend to refer to it all as they love each one differently.

[Kaiti]

M/C
That's on of the healthiest ways to look at it

[Allanque]

I know I'm the favorite in my family...especially since it sounds like my brother (and his wife) 's about to get disowned.

[Linda]

Alla... ;D ;D ;D that could all change in a blink of the eye ;D ;D

[Kaiti]

ewwwwww Alla, that doesn't sound good

Then again, I've been teetering on the disowned thing a few times......BUT I got the grandkids, they can't disown me, or they can't see the kids. Plain and simple.

That's only because I act just like my dad 8-)And so does Mike....him more so ;D ;D

My Lord, I married my father.... ;D ;D ;D