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Post by camismom on Jul 28, 2005 7:57:50 GMT -5
Cami's infamous friend A called last night to ask if she could spend the weekend with us. Seems her mother is planning a weekend away with her new beau. Now remember the old one passed away not quite two months ago.  A told Cami the reason she is already dating again is because she is lonely and wants someone to spend time with. "HEY LADY, HOW 'BOUT SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR CHILD FOR A CHANGE?" That just struck me as wrong? But I've never lost a "husband" (they were never legally married, just lived together) and I know everyone grieves differently. But still.... |
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Post by catseye on Jul 28, 2005 10:11:31 GMT -5
Yes everyone grieves differently... My dad started dating within THREE weeks of my mom's death.... In his defense though, my mom lived over a year after knowing she was dying... So really BOTH dad and I grieved before my mom even died... They were married 42 years... Within 3 months my dad was going steady with the woman he married 7 months after my mom died...
They are now going through a divorce, THANK GOODNESS! I never liked his wife, BUT I also knew that my mom specifically told my dad not to be alone... Mom knew my dad would need someone, and she made it very clear to all of us that is what she wanted for my dad to do, move on... It helped us with our acceptance of his dating, and quick marriage...
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Post by finnmom on Jul 28, 2005 10:17:51 GMT -5
Yes, i know it´s a bit hasty...  but everyone does grieve differently, and judging from what you´ve old about this lady, it doesn´t seem so wierd for her to do this...... not judging her anyway at all...... A does mis her stepdad doesnt she? I think it would be great if the mom ould spend some more time with her right now... but she didnt do that earlier eather did she?? |
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Post by tridlette on Jul 28, 2005 10:21:22 GMT -5
I can only imagine how A's mom feels... my men are all away for a full week, and the house it way too quiet. I can't sleep at night, because I hear everything... and it is all scary noises. It is funny since I used to live alone in a one room cabin 3/4 mile from the nearest phone on a wildlife sanctuary. But here, the crickets scare me when I am alone. When I sleep, my dreams are... very vivid, and... well... odd. I find some very interesting acquaintances appearing in them... in some very uncharacteristic rolls... I KNOW my man is coming home in a few days, I can only guess the feelings A's mom is experiencing.
I guess, if she is sad, lonely, and scared it makes sense to want to be near a protector, or at least another "responsible" adult for comfort.
But, yes, A needs the safety and comfort too. Mom may be " Dating", but A needs someone. Fortunately she has Cami to help her through. She might not realize now what a friend she has in Cami, but hopefully she will someday. Of course, I know you and Andy already have agreed to let A spend the weekend... it is like you to be open! I need to remind you again, though, that A is going to still be on a roller coaster emotionally. And Mom having a new "friend" isn't going to be very helpful... Just be there for A.
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Post by milesofsmiles on Jul 28, 2005 15:42:57 GMT -5
Gosh, I don't know all of the specifics of A's relationship with her mom. Maybe A really needs a mom right now and is not finding it in her's. Perhaps Cami and you provide that safety zone that she needs now. I would agree that you should be with family, but when it just is not happening.... Well, guess what, I just read Trid's post, so I should say " Ditto". That's what I get for being a little ADD, read the first line and skip to the end.....  Miles  |
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Post by camismom on Jul 28, 2005 19:23:13 GMT -5
Thanks for helping me get this a little more. I guess I can understand her loss of "protector"/male companinship... I just don't get how if you truly love someone you would try replacing them so soon.
I also can't understand that this woman has a daughter she hardly ever spends time with yet is looking for someone because she is "lonely". She wouldn't be if she paid her child some attention. I'm sure A is lonely too. She spends most of her time home alone while mom's out drinking and looking for a new man. Ew, let me shut up.
Cami is with her dad this weekend though so A won't be with us. No telling where the child will end up.
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Post by Sorka on Jul 30, 2005 7:31:15 GMT -5
Oh PLEASE check in on her!! PLEASE!!! How old is she? Should she be alone? Well she shouldn't we all know that but legally..
GAd.. it borders on neglect. It really does.
I really can understand Mom wanting a man to lean on I think I would be one out there sooner than later because I depend on mine so much.
Denise
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Post by mom2tj on Jul 30, 2005 8:40:38 GMT -5
sorry if this seems judgemental but cant she just stay home why go away...... if she needs a man then need him at home!!!!!
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Post by camismom on Jul 30, 2005 14:24:19 GMT -5
sorry if this seems judgemental but cant she just stay home why go away...... if she needs a man then need him at home!!!!! I don't find it judgmental at all. I agree. I'm sure A would love a chance to go away too. The only time she ever goes anywhere is with us! |
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