just when ya think ya got them raised and gone..

[mothercat]

Our neice (the one we raised) called me this morning..it seems she and her dh of 14yrs are getting a divorce..
just when I thought we had her all raised up.
They were together for 14 yrs and he (a programmer) had actually found a really good job.

(She is in her thirties now..and has one daughter.) It seems they just fell apart from one another over the last few months and kept it quiet till now. (didn't want to upset me and Bobo) She is older than him and just had
female cancer surgery in March..(that she told me like it wouldn't upset me?!) What gets me is they are all okay with it..he has new girlfriends and evidently has had several..(how long has this been gong on) and he discusses his relationship s with her like a pal. She had met someone online in Austrailia..hasn't even met the man.
Dont people today even try to make it work I think I am mad at BOTH of them.. they act like 14yrs aint nothin..

I guess it will be time for a new family picture and I am kinda hoping she will come home to stay for a bit but she is insisting on getting a good job and finding her own place....her real mom never did much but drink..they moved from motel to motel and stayed out most nights leaving four kids alone until one by one they kicked the kids to the curb at 13 and 14yrs old.
All their kids were either alcoholics and or druggies which is how we ended up with her years ago.

I can understand her need for independance..but
the mom in me still says come home because I worry about her being stressed on her own and falling into the old habits..
As if Bobos B/P wasnt high enough...tonight with meds it is 220/130...
Between Jareds hormones, Bobos health, now Lisa's lack of sense...this is gonna be one lONG summer...

If she decides to move to Austrailia chasing some guy and takes Casey with her ..I will absolutely wring her durn neck.. ;D ;D (thank god sometimes for being poor ;D she couldnt afford the ticket and I wont have any garage sales to help her buy one ;D)

[finnmom]

M/C sorry to hear you´ve got even more to worry. Getting divorce seem´s to be quit a trend these day´s; I think people find out the reality and dont want to work for the happines.....or something. Dont get me wrong, if there is physical or mental abuse etc. going on, then divorse is the right thing out, but if everything is o´kay....

BUT you´ll never know what´s going on in the marriage, so.... I think you´re doing your best just by supporting her right now!!

[camismom]

M/C, I hate to hear this. I know I'm one to talk being a divorcee myself, but I agree that 14 years is a long time to throw away...... yet..... coming from a divorcee I can say you never honestly know what is going on in the privacy of their home, as well as between the wo of them and in their heads. I can't speak for ALL divorced folk but I can say that I, as well as all the people I personally know that have been thru an amicable divorce, did not come by the decision easily. I agonized over it a very long time, esp. knowing how it would affect Cami. My advise to you is for just a moment, pull that niece aside and put your judgment of her aside, and really talk to her to try to get to the root of it. Ask if it is beyond working out and if she says yes, trust her answer and then do all you can to help her move on. As you said, she is in her thirties now so you can only do so much. She is an adult now, making a very adult decision, and therefore has to live with the outcome of it. If she was very young when she married, then brace yourself for the pent-up wild-child in her to come out for a while. I hate to say it, but it did in me. I married Cam's dad at 18 fresh out of high school. Dated him the last two years of high school. Divorced him at 25, then let myself loose a little while while I lived the teen years I had thrown away on him. This could probably the reasoning behind your niece's Australia guy. Do you think this divorce could be coming from her female cancer surgery? Did it maybe make her feel less attractive to her husband? Less appealing? Or did it make HIM be less attracted? That is a very life altering thing to go thru.... things like that, the death of a parent or child, or any other traumatic thing that you would think might bring a couple closer can sometimes tear them apart. These are just my rambling thoughts. Hope it helps some of your questions.

Take care, and tell Bobo to chill! If your niece was raised by you two, I'm sure she will be just fine!

[mothercat]

I think that is what made me mad at them...they aren't fighting or abusive..they are bored..and they arent stopping to consider Lisa"s daughter at all. Casey should be their first priority.. I laid awake worryiing one night and decided that I wont do it again because they are being stupid and thinking with lower body parts instead of brains.
I can condone divorce in a bad situation (of course) but they are just stupid.

[camismom]

I too can see this point, but believe it or not, sometimes a child seeing their parents on their own, yet happy again, is better than seeing them living a life that makes them and everyone else in the house miserable. I know from personal experience if the love is gone, it pretty much can't be brought back..... but if they think there is a chance, then maybe you can suggest they go back and remember the things that made them fall in love with each other in the first place and start doing those things again. If it's truly a case of boredom, then maybe they can find something fun and invigorating to do TOGETHER to release that boredom. But these are all suggestions they have to be willing to take.... if not, then there is nothing more to do but be there for Casey and help her understand that unfortunately these things happen. How old is Casey?

[mothercat]

I think the way it is ..is they have been together for 14 yrs and married 12 of them...Casey is 14 (Sam isnt her real dad but he raised her ) The two of them have moved on from what Lisa says ...so there isnt anything I can say that they will listen to..I realize that..but it just gets to me how easy people just throw something so precious away without a thought...Lisa is adhd but never diagnosed. She has always jumped first and thought later and what got me was I thought she had grown up and matured enough to get past the not thinking first thing. I do worry that her new found freedom will bring the party mode back and she will start using again... but she is grown up and I cant do nothing now but sit and wait. God will handle this one..I am getting to old for it all ;D ;D I mean I have to conserve my energy for Jared's upcoming teenhood. ;D ;D (thank God Bud is almost normal)


Caseys real dad ran off with Lisa's sister when Lisa was pregnant .She worked with Sam at the time and they hooked up then. The real dad married the sister whom he beat regularly and ended up in prison for something unrelated. (kinda of a blessing)
Bobo's oldest sister sure did a bang up job with her kids...I am just glad Lisa was the only one we ended up with ;D . Funny thing is in Bobo's folks eyes the oldest sis can do no wrong and Bobo is the black sheep.... ;D ;D

I put in a new flower bed yesterday...today I am gonna clean house... it keeps me thinking and sane. ;D One thing that pissed me off was ...she called knowing tomorrow is my anniversary...she coulda waited since it is late in the game ..why ruin my weekend. ( but as Bobo says that is selfish of me..)

[camismom]

said:

One thing that pissed me off was ...she called knowing tomorrow is my anniversary...she coulda waited since it is late in the game ..why ruin my weekend. ( but as Bobo says that is selfish of me..)

Well, then, all the more reason for you and Bobo to celebrate! Celebrate that you two HAVE made it!

As far as Lisa, I hope everything works out for Casey's sake.

[mothercat]

Well I knew it would start..Lisa called four times yesterday. She just doesn't know what she wants to do but she wants to get out of there...he on the other hands wants to have s*x...(I guess his girlfriend dumped him).... SO CHILDISH . She was hinting at
her and Casey coming here..laying the sympathy groundwork to ask..but she hasn't come right out and asked yet. I would never turn them away BUT geeeze
I dont need any more under the roof to take care of.
Then again the guy she met online is "all important" I told her not to get impulsive and jump into things but that would be the adhd in her..
Just what I need ..I need to find a nice way to steering her into getting her OWN place now and a JOB and then the GED . She says hubby wants her to get the GED first (in about a year) then he will find her a house and job....sounds a bit like he is stalling ;D . I told them that divorced means you are not friends anymore and you have to make your OWN choices... ;D I feel like the referree in a monkee zoo and I sure aint answering the phone the rest of the week..I love her but enough is enough she wont get anywhere if all she does is whine to me.