To medicate or not to medicate

[nicolep1988]

Hi....our 6 year old son is "borderline" ADHD...his doc does not want to medicate unless there are absolutely no other alternatives. I've tried some over the counter stuff from GNC, and the advice the doc gave about giving praise for trying hard, giving directions once then prompting to get him on the right track...we watch his diet without taking all the fun out of it...he's so smart, but his teacher is already wanting to meet with us to discuss his behavior. I am so afraid we're going to wind up back with his doc...my problem is my husband absolutely refuses to medicate. He's seen (lucky me) every news report and talk show regarding how just how bad it is to medicate and how there are other alternatives...I'm afraid if it comes down to "this is dear son's only choice for survival", that it's going to tear us apart. I want what is best and what will help dear son, but husband won't budge. Has anyone else gone thru this? What other types of behavior tricks is anyone using that's been helping?
Any advice will be much appreciated.

[catseye]

What specific behaviors is he having in school?

Poor impulse control? Violence? Mouthy? All of the above? LOL

There are several behavior management tricks... The one we are using is a reward plan... Trying to focus on the good behavior rather then the bad behavior...

It might be a good idea to talk to the teacher about behavior, dont be afraid of this! Also a huge help for me was to actually watch my sd in class, without her knowing I was there... Then suddenly I could see the behaviors that were different then the other kids...

The reason I say dont be afraid to talk to teacher about it, is it might get a IEP going (or 504) where the school has to make modifications that will help your child... They can NOT force you to medicate your child... That is ultimately up to you and your husband...

For us we chose medication, but remember my sd is HIGH on the adhd, not borderline as your son is... Our personall (it is a really personal decision) deciding factor was my sd wasnt retaining anything from school, thus not learning at all...

I have to go find my post on the reward system, as I dont feel like going from memory right now (burned out friday!!), will copy it here shortly... Good luck

cat

[catseye]

I am reading a book (suggested by sd's psychologist), its called taking charge of ADHD, it really has some good things in it...

It has brought to my attention that most of the attention sd is getting is negative... Its making me see how to give more good attention and catch sd doing good behaviors...

The first assignment is to spend 20 minutes a day with JUST the child causing the comotion (dh and I have split the kids he is with bs while I am with sd, and vice versa)... This is strictly play time, whatever the child wants to do... You join them in their activity, with no instructions or questions from you... Just play with them, and comment on how nice it is playing together quietly... Tell them they are being good, or playing well... Things like "I like it when we play together quietly", "you are doing better at building that this week then you could last week" compliment them on their behavior or achievements... NO backhanded comments, of why cant you do this all the time etc etc... Just relax and play at their level (for us it has been dolls and I am waaaaayyyy over dolls!! LMAO)...

Anyway next week we move on to my asking simply requests from sd... "can you hand me that towel", oh shooot cant think of other examples right now, and dont have the book here... Just real simple things, that would take minimal effort on childs part, yet make the feel how much they are helping you... Of course compliment the compliance from child...

The other exercise the book has had me do thus far, is write down "your worst supervisor", and "your best supervisor", in a job you have had in the past... Then list WHY you liked, or didnt like them... Chances are you will list things, like didnt appreciate my work and did appreciate my work (thus you would be more willing to go out of your way for someone who does appreciate what you do)... Then I had to put my parenting through sd's eyes into the list, and see which supervisor I am in regards to sd... I am embarrased but I was in the worst supervisor catagory... Really really eye opening for me (not saying you have this problem at all, just something to think about!)...

The book then takes you to the next phase which is a reward chart.... Start it simple with things the child is required to do, and takes little effort on childs part... Brushing teeth, washing face and hands etc etc... For my chart I used an old labor law poster, and wrote on the back of it... It is laminated so it is write on wipe off now!! Works GREAT!

It started out as very easily doable things, that sd has to do anyway... Such as brushing her teeth 2 pts, washing hands/face 2 pts, talk politely to people, dont argue etc... Things you want to see the child do... These were her "chores", which have now developed into more real chores... The reason for the easily done/necessary things first was to see if sd would enjoy that type of system...

The other side is "rewards" she can buy with her points... Such as 30 minutes t.v., ice cream after dinner, board game with me or dad, miniature golf, playdates etc... The ones that arent status quo right now, or that you and your dh dont want to be tied to do often, are "priced" high (like 50 or 100 pts depending on how much the child could actually earn pheasibly during a day)... Things like t.v. time, ice cream etc can be "priced" at a daily obtainable rate (like 10-20 or something)...

I thought I was going to lose my mind, when we started this... In fact many posts of mine were very frustrated with this whole "world suddenly revolves around my sd" feeling I was getting... The cool thing is it moves on with the childs ability and desire/ or wants...

Again it may look totally insane, for us it is working amazingly well.... I dont know if it would of worked as well without the first steps ie the 20 minutes a night thing... It is hard to explain it all, but that book has some great samples in it... Good luck

[milesofsmiles]

Hi there,

A lot of teachers have heard about ADHD and do not really know what it is. The misnomer is out there that there is a miracle medicine out there that takes the behaviors away and they can go on with teaching as normal. The fact is, that teaching kids with ADHD takes a lot of creativity patience and prompting, even with medication. As Cat said above, it seems like the entire world revolves around the one child. I hate to admit it, I would love to say something once and it be completed. It is rarely going to happen like that.

My wife and I have taken lots of half days at school to volunteer in the class and see what is going on. We are able to see how my son reacts and offer suggestions to get him back on task. Our biggest struggle with the staff now is getting them to recognize that once he gets something on his mind he is not going to do, getting him to try part will be a big accomplishment. Cat offers lots of good advice above, I am sure you will get more.

Medicine might be an option, but we opted this after about 4 years of exhaustively trying everything the behavior books said, we were just not getting any results.

Take care,
Miles

[finnmom]

Nicole and welcome.

I think Cat´s reward system is great I also believe in 1-2-3 system, it worked for us.

Weather to medicate or not, it´s totally your choice as his parent´s, when/if you face the time you have to deside...I think you need to gather all the info of the med in question and sit and talk of it with you dh.

but that´s not the point yet, now you have to think about the adjustment´s that might help ds in school...

[Kaiti]

Hi Nichole, my 8 yr old son is "mild" as well. We chose not to medicate but we have modified his diet, and recently I have been watching the cleaning agents that use that Mikey comes into contact with.

Well, I'll add more later, but don't worry, we have so far been successfulwith out medication.

PS my husband is the same as yours, and we are happy

[tridlette]

If the teacher has a reward system in place that is working for her, ask for it so that you can follow it at home too. the consistency between environments may be a huge benefit. It is probably easier for YOU to adapt than for the entire class to change.

Also, for DH, take a look at the Ty Pennington thread on the board. It is very inciteful concerning meds. With the high profile stars like Tom Cruise bad mouthing meds, it is easy to hear his message. Listen to other folks whose lives have improved profoundly BECAUSE of meds!

That being said, I am also a non-medicator now, because my son was getting physically ill, despite wonderful behavior successes. It is a fine line that you as a family have to make the decision. No one answer is right for everybody.

Good luck, and let's see if together we can raise a happy well adjusted world!

Laurie

[AnneM]

Hi Nicole .. and WELCOME ABOARD !!

This is such a HUGE question and varies so much from one child to another, one parent's attitude to another etc.etc.

It is relatively very early days for your son right now and there is plenty of time to make this decision ... My own son (who is now 17) didn't start meds until he was 13 ... but that is a whole "other story!!

The difference between your and your husband's opinions on meds is a pity ... its a whole bunch easier when both parents are on exactly the same page here ... but it isn't insurmountable either!! ... There are a lot of other things to look at and try ... (Check out the natural alternative section - there is so much good advice there!) .... and at the same time as Tridlette says get your husband to see some of the more positive reports on meds (like the Ty Pennington thread which is right here on this site) ... Isn't it a pity that in all aspects of media - not just this one - that the negatives reports shout louder than the positives!!?

But the bottom line here is remember ... this is EARLY days for your little guy .... and we are SO glad you are here ... I hope that with you, your husband, your doctor, teachers and some help from us here on this site help to find the best way forward for your son...

A BIG WARM WELCOLME!!

[catatonic]

Welcome Nicole!

It is possible to effect a significant reduction in ADHD symptoms without using medication. The first thing to look at is your child's diet. The body of clinical evidence linking food additives to ADHD behaviors is growing all the time, with school-district wide experiments involving changing school lunch programs resulting in amazing changes in behavior and test scores.

The first thing I'd recommend you take a look at is the Feingold diet. It made a tremendous difference to my son, not only reducing his hyperactivity and oppositional behavior, but eliminating his migraines and bed-wetting.
www.feingold.org

The second thing I'd look at is the amount of corn syrup your son consumes. It's in practically every prepared food item you buy, from canned soup to yogurt, from chicken nuggets to hotdogs, from bread to canned spaghetti sauce. It's associated particularly with "acting out" type behaviors. For my son, removing corn syrup from his diet COMPLETELY STOPPED his tantrums and almost completely eliminated his oppositional behavior, aggression, and overly-emotional behavior.

Many supplements can improve attentiveness. Take a look at the Natural Alternative section of this forum for some ideas.

We were very fortunate. My son's neurologist recommended dietary modifications prior to using medication. It's been successful enough for us that we have not yet had to use medication. Since your husband is opposed to medication, why not get him to help with the cooking if you try a modified diet? That's the approach I use with my husband, who is adamantly against the use of pesticides and herbicides on our yard. I tell him fine, I won't use them, but YOU are the one who's going to get your butt out there and pull the weeds by hand!

Good luck. I hope you'll keep returning to this forum for help and support.