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Post by AnneM on Aug 31, 2005 12:52:13 GMT -5
This is a spin off from a thread in Medications ... !! "Curfews" are something that we ALL think about I think ... right from when they are allowed to go out for FIVE minutes on their own ... !! Sam is now 17 and on his next birthday will be a "fully fledged adult" .. so WHERE do "curfews" fit in here? I remember when he was around 8 and allowed to go around a VERY strict boundaried neighbourhood on his bike ... the "curfew" was pretty tight and if he didn't stick to it his mother was sweating (AND angry!!) ... At around 12 the reins loosened a bit ... he was allowed to go out with his friends but I expected pretty regular check-ins ... At 14 ... those reins loosened again ... and AGAIN at 15 .. and AGAIN at 16 ... and now he is 17 ... next birthday is 18 ... and I STILL wait up for him on weekend nights OR any other nights but it only seems to be weekend nights that he is particularly late !! ... I just CANNOT go to bed until he is 'in' !! ... I DOOOO expect him to give me a "time" to expect him ... and I DOOO expect him to "let me know" if he will be later than that time ... Generally I am lucky in that he is pretty good with this .... Butttt ... just what sort of a curfew do you give a 17 (going on 18) year old? ... Some parents (lucky things and my DH being one of them!) quite happily goes off to sleep without worrying about it one little bit!! ... As for ME ... I just can't DO that !! ... although I often wish I could!! ..  Sooooo .. what curfews should we give an 8 year old? ... a 12 year old? a 15 year old? A 17 year old ? etc.etc.?? What do you think??  |
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Post by finnmom on Aug 31, 2005 12:59:11 GMT -5
Anne, obviously I have no personal experience of this yet, but I´ll through in my 2 cent´s anyway  The older they get, the more you have to let them loose, BUT remember; your house, your rule´s... as long as he live´s in your house I think the least he must to do is to give you some specific time when he´s coming home and to let you know if he can´t reach that hour. When they are young, the curfew is more to actually protect them from the out side world and when they get older, the curfew is to protect parent´s from loosing their sanity waiting all night for them My kid´s have to be at home before 7pm everyday, but they are still young, I think when they get to be 12-15 it´s gonna be 10pm and later, 17 and more y mayby midnight at weekend´s, but no experience how it´ll go... GOOD LUCK, I´ll be watching very carefully what you do and how you succeed, so I know how to handle this when it´s my time |
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Post by Linda on Aug 31, 2005 13:02:54 GMT -5
Anne I sooo know what you are talking about!!! I was and still am very strict!!! We have curfews in our city depending on the age. As far as an 8 year old? Jacob is 8 and he better darn well be on the property by 6:pm  12 and 14 Paul had to be home at 8:pm. 15-16 9:pm. He is 17 and I tell him I want the car parked at 10:pm...week-ends no later than midnight. I too can not go to sleep until he is in the house. If he is going to be a few minutes late I expect a call and he does. When he turns 18 and is still living at home I expect him to let me know what is going on.  I told you I was strict!! ;D ;D ;D |
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Post by camismom on Aug 31, 2005 13:46:38 GMT -5
Well, I join Marja in having no experience with this with my own child, so I'll go back to the dark ages and draw on my own mother's rules for me when I was Sam's age. As a child curfew while out playing was always "before dark" as a teenager after I had started working (at age 16)it was 10 on weekdays and 11 on weekends. The 10 curfew on weekdays was a mainstay throughout the rest of time there because mom had to be at work the next day and "couldn't stay up til all hours of the night waiting up for me." She too couldn't go to bed until she knew her kids were home and safe. The curfew broadened until 12 age age 17 and when I became and "adult" she gave me until 12:30, no later! I was engaged to Cami's dad when I turned 18 but I was still living under her roof and had to abide by her rules. She always said she didn't care if I was an "adult" as long as I lived with her I would respect her and her need for sleep and I would abide by her curfew or start supporting myself. ;D So until I was married I was never out any later than 12:30! The city I live in has a curfew of it's own for teens under age 18....it is midnight. If caught out after midnight by a police officer they are escorted home. |
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Post by AnneM on Aug 31, 2005 14:29:30 GMT -5
This is SOOO interesting because it really seems that we are ALL on the SAME wave length ... When I say "late" at weekends ... Sam is normally home by midnight at weekends (sometimes earlier) BUT this is sometimes pushed to maybe 1230/1.00 (if there is a party or something 'specific' happening which is "reasonably" often) ... BUT I sure do expect to be informed" if that is the case ... and I can honestly say he hasn't let me down on "informing" me yet !! (and please may he NOT because I AM a real worrier! ) ... Having said that he is not yet a fully fledged driver - only a "learner" .. and I have TOLD him that when he starts to drive on his own he will HAVE TO HAVE THAT CAR BACK HOME at a MUCH EARLIER time (just like you said Linda!) ... OR ... he just doesn't take it with him!! .. BUT when we talk of curfews we are really talking of ALL ages ... not just the late teenage years !! ... Our kids have curfews to contend with - and rightly so!! (as you all indicated!!) from the moment they step outside that front door!!  |
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Post by Linda on Aug 31, 2005 15:32:04 GMT -5
Anne....when does Sam get his actual license? I have threatened Paul if he "screws" up I will take his car keys from him. He knows I mean it too  |
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SKay
Member Emeritus
Posts: 1,126
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Post by SKay on Aug 31, 2005 16:05:29 GMT -5
I don't let my son play outside by himself in our yard for more than a few minutes without checking on him. Our yard isn't fenced in, and I'm not too crazy about some of the other kids in the neighborhood (or the registered sex offender 4 houses up the street!)
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sportsmom
Member Emeritus
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Posts: 1,171
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Post by sportsmom on Sept 1, 2005 8:44:17 GMT -5
When Riley got his drivers license yesterday they were quick to tell me that anytime I could take his level 2 away and he could go back to level 1~~I just stood there with a big grin and Riley starts laughing and says "yea she will do it to" ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
I am glad you are talking about curfew. Although I have always had a set time when the boys had to be home I am now worried about the driving and curfew thing~~~I was thinking (or should I say worrying) about it all last night. I have to say I like Christys time frame she had when she was younger.....I myself didn't have much curfew because my mother was usually so out of it or passed out by the time I got home it didn't matter. Lucky for her I was a good kid and I didn't get into trouble.
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Post by kstquilter on Sept 1, 2005 13:02:16 GMT -5
i never had a curfew when i was at home either. but my mom always knew who i was with and where i was. we lived in a small town and she knew my friends. by the time i was 19, i was living on my own so i didn't have a big problem with it. when i was a kid, as soon as the street lights went on, we had to be home!
brittany is now 20 and it keeps getting harder. all the kids seem to start going places later and later,probably because they all work until 9 or 9:30pm.
i do agree with while they live in your house, they play by your rules.
right now, brittany has to be in by 11 during the week because we all have to get up in the morning. we don't tend to wait up because i can fall asleep when they aren't in the house but they have to come wake me up when they get in. ed tends to worry more than i do! we also have two dogs who bark when she gets home which is the reason for 11pm. plus she has work and school as well.
depending on what she's doing, no later than 2am on fri and sat night. there are exceptions when i know why, etc.
chris is almost 17 and his girlfriend's parents have pretty strict rules for her which works out great for me! 10pm during the week and about 11:30 or 12 on fri and sat. but they are normally at her house or ours once it gets that late.
their curfews are usually flexible depending on who they are with and what they are doing. now that we have the pool table, the kids tend to hang out here more often and i like that.
it does seem to get harder as they get older. it is our home and our rules but i also try to be reasonable when it's warranted.
karen
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Post by AnneM on Sept 2, 2005 11:06:51 GMT -5
Anne....when does Sam get his actual license? I have threatened Paul if he "screws" up I will take his car keys from him. He knows I mean it too Linda I waited until today to answer this in case I "jinxed" it !! ... Sam had his Theory and Hazard Perception Tests in Canterbury today ... for the second time ... (he failed by 2 points on his first attempt!!) ... but today he PASSED !!  He is SOOOOO pleased !! This means his driving instructor can now go ahead and book his practical test ... (you cannot have a practical test until you have passed the Theory and Hazard Perceptions Tests) ... so watch this space !! I reckon he will take a practical test within about a month ... MOST kids fail it the first time ... so to be realistic Sam should hopefully gain his FULL licence within 1-2 months ... Until that time he is still on his provisional licence and therefore not allowed passengers and must ALWAYS be with a fully licensed driver who is over 21 years old... But today he took a BIG step forward in this long process of learning to drive!! He says he took the Certificate from the examiner, said thankyou, walked outside and just screamed " YESSSSS!" ... |
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george3
Member
Neverland, My real home.
Posts: 46
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Post by george3 on Sept 2, 2005 13:11:31 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300] High Five to Sam[/glow]  |
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Post by AnneM on Sept 2, 2005 13:44:46 GMT -5
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Post by Linda on Sept 2, 2005 15:46:39 GMT -5
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Post by AnneM on Sept 2, 2005 17:07:29 GMT -5
Thanks Linda !! I know you have been here yourself and are in fact a long way further forward on this one !! ... But... I must admit that today I was torn between wanting him to pass SO MUCH (because he wanted it so much!)... but there was a little bit (OK a big bit!) of me saying "OMG .. but that takes him one step closer to being on the road alone!" ... (even though he raced around on his moped for a year on the road ... and EVERYONE says a car is MUCH safer than a moped) .... BUT... Oh I am still not sure I am really ready for it!!  |
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Post by Linda on Sept 2, 2005 17:27:21 GMT -5
The only thing I can say about the driving Anne....Is that you are the who will have to ease into it. Lay your rules down and be firm about it. I tell Paul only 1 passenger is allowed to be with him....I will never know for sure if he abides by it but I think he does. He has had several of his friends ask for a ride to school and he has said no. I know how scary it is....just know where he is at all times!! I told you I was strict! |
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