A parent's worst nightmare

[milesofsmiles]

There was a recent death of a 13 year old boy who was hit by a train. He was described as full of energy, loyal, very bright. For a split second he forgot where he was and went back to get a fishing pole he dropped from his bike. Then the train.

That split second is often something our kids don't have. With many ADHD kids, lack of impulse control is at the top of the list. I can't tell you how many nightmares I have woke up screaming because I just could not reach Nathan in time. In reality, I can't count how many times he would take off running in an unsafe condition. Kids will be kids, and parents will get gray hair watching them grow up.

It is tough wanting to trust that the judgement will be there when it is needed. But there is that nagging bit in the back of my mind that will always grip me with worry.

I guess it is just being a parent, but it is a big part of my world.

Miles

[AnneM]

Oh Miles ... Thanks for this very sad but very real reminder!! ... Remember though that these horrendous tragic accidents ARE very, very rare in the bigger picture ... (but ohhhh soooo heartbreaking!)

As for the "judgement being there when it is needed" ... OMG YES !! ... Sam is just starting out as a "car driver" and all I as his parent can do is simply "let him get on with it" !! It would be cruel to prevent him from driving because of 'my' fears but oh I wish I could prolong it a bit!! ... BUT I think it IS a real example of what you are saying here!!

[Linda]

Miles....you are saying what every parent feels and it IS what a parent is all about.

I know what Anne is saying too....the fear is with me every night when Paul is out driving!!!

It is so tragic about the boy getting hit by the train. What anguish his parents are going through

[finnmom]

Miles, have you been having my nightmare´s i know the feeling too. I guess it´s just being a good parent and loving kid´s so much

New´s like that train insident are so devastating, make´s you think about "what if"´s

[kstquilter]

what a horrible tragedy. but i do understand that fear of wondering if the judgement and common sense will be there when it's needed. i still don't know and brittany is 20.
she's had several small fender benders, thank God they weren't any worse. she's been stopped for speeding, probably because she's always late wherever she goes.
but i try hard to remind her when she leaves the house to be careful and hope my voice will be in the back of her head before she does anything too stupid!
unfortunately, it can happen to anyone as i worry about my non-adhd son who is almost 17. so far he's a much better driver than brittany is but that won't necessarily stop him from an accident.
i just pray they both think first and call if they need help. both kids know that if they are ever in a circumstance where they are in trouble, even if it's thru their own fault, drinking, anything. all they ahve to do is call and i'll come get them and they won't get in trouble. i'll probably ask questions and try to help them not do it again but i never want there to be some stupid accident because they are 10 mins. late for curfew or are too afraid to call me so ride with a drunk driver.
i think this is just a part of being a parent and why my mom asks me to call her when i get home from the two hours it normally takes to get home!
karen

[tridlette]

Michael is NEVER going to be allowed to drive. PERIOD!

Seriously, this is terrible, and tragic. I try to remind myself that we call these things accidents because they certainly aren't done on purpose. But the pain remains forever. I lost a high school classmate to a train accident, and when I used to work with his sister, the pain came back every time.

We have to try to drill it into them, yet we know that they are going to live their lives anyway!

My parents are making a 550 mile trip today, and I asked my MOM to call ME when she gets in... this "sandwich generation" is starting to drive me nuts! I worry about my almost 15 y.o. and about my 75 y.o. Dad too!

I love CLAIROL... I'm too young to be this gray!

[vickilyn32]

:'(How terrible. I am so sad for that family.

Dan is the oposite of impulsive at times. He is so worried about making a mistake, he drives everyone nuts. I just hope this continues as he is working on getting his drivers license also.

[milesofsmiles]

I worry about my almost 15 y.o. and about my 75 y.o. Dad too!

Trid, me too!!

My MIL says my FIL has already coasted through a few stop signs/signals and forgotten how to get to familiar places.

Whenever we are up there visiting and we all go out I insist on driving . But that is another post entirely.

I guess I am not too stressed out by the number of gray hairs, I don't look " Distinguished" or anything like that. I think I inherited my non-graying gene from my grandfather.

Big sigh. Driving is still 7 years away for Nathan, but he is already talking about what car he wants to drive. He wants to drive more than riding his bike. What really worries me for the future is how he acts now. When we want to cross the road, he goes through the motions of looking, but does not see the cars. Big sigh again. I need an avatar for that.

Miles

[Kaiti]

Miles, that is a thing to worry about. Heck, Tara walks down to the store for milk.....it's maybe 100yd away and iget worried to death she'll cross the street in front of a car or a car turning won't see her or will try to beat her and her it.

Hense why I don't send Mikey unless it is before 6am on a Sunday Morning. I KNOW everyone is alseep then

We just have to put our trust in a higher power that the kids will be safe. One thing my mom and dad did with me, and it really worked.....I think it's part of my problem.

When anything tragic happened or almost did, they would make it a worst case scenerio and DRILL-like Trid said-DRILL IT IN TO OUR HEAD. I am actually thankful they did. I almost got myself into situations that I couldn't get out of a few times, but Karen, that little voice was in the back of my head.

:-XYou all deserve it

[SKay]

We just have to put our trust in a higher power that the kids will be safe. One thing my mom and dad did with me, and it really worked.....I think it's part of my problem.

When anything tragic happened or almost did, they would make it a worst case scenerio and DRILL-like Trid said-DRILL IT IN TO OUR HEAD.

So true--I'm afraid of causing more anxiety for DS, though. I'm still not sure how far to take these discussions. Once when I was talking about talking to strangers he started getting scare. I tried to make it as matter of fact as possible and have sort of a "this probably will never happen, but . . ." attitude, and he still gets scared.

As far as the driving goes, DS has told us several times that he won't be able to drive when he gets older because he doesn't know how. ;D I hope he stays that way for a LONG time!

[Linda]

I watch kids coming out of their driveways on their bikes...and NEVER look right nor left. I think it is a lot of kids and not just ADHD kids. It gives me chills

[SKay]

I agree with you, Linda.

[milesofsmiles]

Last year I was telling Nathan that he needed to watch more closely or he could get hit by a car and be killed. His response was, "That's ok, then I will go to Heaven with God." I admire his faith, but So I tried to reexplain the seriousness of the situation with a different tact. What if you were hurt so that you could never walk somewhere? He responded "Then I would get to ride in a wheel chair." Again So one more time, I explained to him that God had a plan for him in this life and if he was struck by a car, Nate would not get to fulfill that plan. He did not have a response after that. Pain is another thing that he cannot tollerate, he gets overwhelmed with a hang nail.

I too have seen more than one kid not look when going out on their bikes. They are so unpredictable and adults could do a better job at driving without changing the radio, seeing who is in the car coming toward them, talking on phones, eating meals, drinking drinks....

I need to get some sleep.

Miles

[Kaiti]

Thought you were up awful late Miles.

That is pretty much Mikey's response. God will take care of me. I'll be an angel and come see you

Then I tell him, that I might not be able to see him or hug him............oh I am glad he has faith too, but I'm just goin gto be a little greedy and want him here with us for a while

[milesofsmiles]

I am glad he has faith too, but I'm just goin gto be a little greedy and want him here with us for a while

Yeah me too.