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Post by HooDunnit on Apr 9, 2004 18:41:32 GMT -5
How is it that you know Linda, tinkerbell, have you been neighbours there in Michigan for a while?
I understand that Linda has brown hair. Can you tell me -- is she beautiful and athletic from all her walking? Or is she old and crabby like me?
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Post by Honeysmom on Apr 9, 2004 18:58:11 GMT -5
Tinkerbell, sorry to hear that you are in such a rough spot right now. My kids aren't old enough to disicpline too harshly yet, but I can give you some examples of what my Dad did that seemed to work. He went through similar trust and respect issues with my younger sister. He tried everything he could to get through to her, but she always knew better on everything. Finally, after months of her having no job and being supported like a child he said that enough was enough and gave he to the end of the month to move out. I think it was one of the hardest things he ever had to do to any of us, but she needed it the most. Now she has a job and supports herself. She also is thinking about going back to school. Bettering yourself looks alot better when you work for minimum wage for a while and struggle to make ends meet.  IMHO, I would not tell her friends. If you do they are going to remember that for a long time. Maybe if she starts to treat her ADHD and matures a little bit she would be a completely different kid. But then her friends would still know something she did in her less-mature days and they may never forget it. I am almost sure their parents never will. I hope things start to look up...Becky  |
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Post by amethist on Apr 9, 2004 19:05:34 GMT -5
and yes I have knowen linda for a very long time we used to work togather in the school dist. but then she went and retired...so I had to retrain myself to watch what I said at work b/c i didnt have linda to stand behind when I got in trouble.....LOL and for your other question I will let her answer that one....LOL but it did make laugh...thank-you  ;D shelly |
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Post by amethist on Apr 9, 2004 19:10:16 GMT -5
and Beckey I like your dads way of thinking if I can get passed the anger of her taking the money from me... I will take that ideal and see where it gets me....thank-you |
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Post by HooDunnit on Apr 9, 2004 20:08:11 GMT -5
tinkerbell -- Linda won't tell me things like that. That is why I had to ask you.
When you say that you are angry about her stealing the money, you put your finger on something. Has she done this sort of thing before? I know some people will steal to get drug money. They will also use their bodies to get drug money. I have a friend who was once a pimp. He said that the first thing they did was get the girls on drugs. They didn't like to do that, with some of them, but it was a business. So you might want to check all that out.
Is your daughter finishing her education, one way or the other?
Any other tidbits / reminiscences that you have on Linda would be greatly appreciated. I would be certain to tease her about them.
Barry
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Post by amethist on Apr 9, 2004 20:50:41 GMT -5
hello Barry, and yes this is the first time she has taken money from me. that is just somthing I did'nt think she would do...and yes I hope she will stick it out to get her GED.
well for my friend Linda....i guess Iam going to have to keep you woundering on that....LOL
I will let her start this off and I will fill in the blanks....LOL
she is a very funney person i spent most of my time at work saying...."OMG you said that"..... ;D she is a wounderful person but she will have to fill you in more
shelly
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Post by Linda on Apr 9, 2004 21:02:37 GMT -5
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Post by TexasMom on Apr 9, 2004 23:48:09 GMT -5
Just remember when she tells you that she's 18 and doesn't have to do what you tell her. You don't have to support her either. Like I tell my 10-yr-old son when he doesn't pick up after myself, I'm not his maid. You are not required to support your 18 year old off-spring who isn't working or going to school.
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Post by HooDunnit on Apr 10, 2004 0:59:54 GMT -5
So what you are saying, tinkerbell, is that you were surprised and angered that your daughter would steal some money from you. What do you think her motive was?
As far as Linda is concerned, do you know how we can play some good practical jokes on her?
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Post by Amsmom on Apr 10, 2004 9:47:48 GMT -5
As far as Linda is concerned, do you know how we can play some good practical jokes on her? Oh Barry, you are relentless (and yes, very funny!!) tinkerbell, you sound like a wonderful loving mom and i want to send you lots of hugs (((((Shelly)))))) Teenage-hood is hard no matter how you slice it, I am fearful of when my ds8 hits that age!!! I think the others gave you some good ideas to think about. I tend to think that taking things away from her is a good one. She will probably flip out, but hopefully get it eventually. GOOD LUCK MISS TINK!!! |
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Post by rosyred45 on Apr 10, 2004 12:03:06 GMT -5
I guess I'd have to say like the others, EXCEPT that when I was at home AND 18, my dad took the car keys from me. Yes, it was my car, I paid for gas, insurance, etc.... BUT it was still in his name.
I might have been 18, but I was allowed to live under his roof, so I needed to abide by his rules. If I didn't like it, I knew where the door was. Period. No discussion, no arguing, that was it. I did have my own money from babysitting most of the time, so when I did, I bought my own clothes( I was alotted 5 pairs of jeans and 10 new shirts at the beginning of the school year, and a pair of shoes) But if I wanted anyhting else I earned it. I didn't get an allowence, so I knew I had to make smart decisions when it came to my money. I had to chip in for the phone bill or I couldn't use the phone.
I have you in my prayers and ((((((((hugs))))))))))) to you too.
Kaiti
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Post by amethist on Apr 12, 2004 8:57:00 GMT -5
well things are still the same. her dad took all her clothes to her sunday night told her not to come to the house if she wanted to be on her own then she can. but she will do just that that means getting to school finding a way to clean her clothes and finding a job.
she has been using my house for a place to shower and clean her clothes b/c the place she is staying at has no washer/dryer well again not my problem she wants to be on her own so bad then she will need to figure out how to do it.
I dont know if Iam going to be able to ever let her back into my house after what she did but I think it will be awhile before I have to make that decision b/c she still thinks that everything is ok in her world. until she comes to reality she will stay where she is.
shelly
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Post by rosyred45 on Apr 12, 2004 9:07:18 GMT -5
One thing, since you are letting her dothe wash at your house, make sure she does it on your schedule. If you have something to do or somewhere to go, tell her, these are the hours for laundry....what gets done gets done. They don't let you stay late at a laundramat (we were kicked outta one when we were little because it was so busy and we never got started until late).
Remember to stand firm. You don't NEED to bend. If she wants a taste of reality, give it to her. Heck last I saw it was $1.50 perload of wash plus $.25 for 10 minutes in the drier.
HUgs to you
Kaiti
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Post by catatonic on Apr 12, 2004 9:47:00 GMT -5
Tinkerbell, as someone who was once a teenager who did some very stupid things, I think there's a very fine line you have to walk as a parent. No child should engage in unacceptable behavior such as stealing and escape the consequences. However, the consequences need to be specific to the problem behavior and never feel like rejection or loss of a parent's love.
Whatever consequences you impose, I trust that you'll make certain your daughter has no doubt of your love for her, despite the damage her behavior has done to your trust in her.
I say this not to imply any criticism of your parenting, but because my experiences as a teenager convinced me that my parents didn't love me and the result was ever-worsening behavior...acting out because I was hurting, as well as trying to force them to prove somehow that they really did love me. It took me many years to realize that they acted the way they did not because of a lack of love, but because they simply didn't know what to do. (I was indeed a handful.)
The only advice I have as a parent is not to act in anger. I've told my kids plenty of times, "I'm too angry to punish you right now. I'd kill you. I'll let you know what your consequences are when I'm calm enough to think like a normal person."
They actually think this is worse, since when I lose it and give them consequences when I'm really steamed up, they're unrealistic consequences and I have to admit that later, so they end up getting away with more than they do when I carefully plot out a punishment that will really mean something.
My 9-year-old stole money - once - from his dad's wallet. He wanted to buy a toy. Giving back the money and admitting what he'd done was difficult for him, but even worse is that he has never been allowed -- nor will he EVER be allowed -- to own the particular toy he stole the money to buy. Every time he sees that stupid toy at Wal-Mart he remembers what he did and why that toy will never be his. I know your daughter is too old for that to work, but if you know why she stole the money, it might be easier to give her meaningful consequences that will teach her to think before she acts.
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