What age is appropriate

[aimee30]

to discuss sex with your child? My DS 10 has been asking a lot of questions lately. So far I have been able to put him off, but I don't feel like I will be able to much longer. Is he too young? How do I go about it? Should I put it off on DH (his stepdad)? The first time he asked I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. I just wasn't ready to discuss it yet. I don't know what to do. I still keep asking myself if he is to young. Any thoughts??

[Brocksmom]

Wow 10 and asking , my ds is 11 and thankfully hasn't brought the issue up YET. I've gotten ?'s about what certain words mean~~ not necessarily(sp?)about sex though..just grown up words.
Anyway I know I'm going to cop out and hand him over to his dad when the time comes, they can go have a nice father/son day.
I guess depending on how in depth the questions are you could slowly/ vaguley answer some of them. If you think it's too much just tell he'll have to wait till he's older so he will understand.

[tridlette]

I found a great book called "the What's Happening to My Body Book for Boys" There is a girl's version of it too.

It discusses plainly and in detail what to expect from pre-puberty through adulthood. There is a section on female reproduction in the boys book, and visa-versa. It isn't explicit, but just right. The boys took from it just the right amount of info. for their current age. As they get older they understand more and re-read it (again and again!). I pre-read it before I gave it to my oldest when he was about 10.

Speaking for myself... I think if your parents are open and candid... the kids will feel safe asking you instead of their friends. I would rather them get the real facts, than believing the misconceptions (and hopefully not learning from the "conceptions") of their peers. I had a friend in High School who was convinced she was pregnant because her period lasted for almost 2 weeks. She didn't know that she had to be intimate for that to be possible.

Take him to the book store and get the book. If you have to do the reading for him, it is a great bonding time.

I didn't have a clue until I was about 17, my junior year in high school... boy was I naive! But then again, I didn't really care for that icky kissing stuff until then

Good luck, hope this helps!

Laurie

[anneke]

we had our first lessons about this in school at age 10

so I gues it is apropriate

Anneke

[AnneM]

Like Anneke my nephew has just had his first lessons at school in this ... and he is 9-10. They get more "specific" lessons at age 13-14. In fact in my nephews own words he said excitedly "Oh Mum ... when we are 14 they are going to teach us HOW to do it!!" .... (the mind boggles !! ;D... "Mr Brown and Miss Smith will now show the class the correct way to ..... " )

But Anneke and I are both in Europe ... and possibly our kids are told these things earlier than in the US?

[finnmom]

Hi
Another europian here. I think 10 is quite the age some information is given, I as a school-nurse give some information of puberty, period´s, hygien, possibility of getting pregnant after period´s has start.....

In here they have human biology in 6th grade, so they´ll get the picture ;D.

One good advice; answer just to the question he ask´s, nothing more. You dont have to go ALL THE WAY at once, remember little step´s

Good luck for you! This is really tricky. But You have to give him some information, so he´ll ask you when he need´s some deeper info, otherwice he´ll just go figur it out with his friend´s, believe me, you dont want that to happend

Marja

[Linda]

Yikes...Paul started asking questions when he was 7...one of his first questions was ...how do you get aids? The only thing i could figure out at the time there was a lot of media coverage about aids.

I just told him what he needed to know and as honestly as I could and it seemed to satisfy him.

aimee...he is not to young...if he doesn't get information from you he may ask his peers...and I don't think you want that!

[swmom]

I think it's OK to tell him, not everything but a good bit.
These days, it seems that a lot happens much sooner than when we were coming up and the more prepared they are, the better, in my opinion.

On the other hand, a friend of mine was telling me a story about her daughter, whom she fully informed at the age of 12. Her daughter came home asking what "69" meant. Horrified, the mom quickly laid it all out for her, leaving nothing to wonder about. Well!
It seems that her daughter became the "expert on sex" at school, filling in everyone on everything. In their eyes, she apparently had had "lots" of experience in this area. Her mother croaked. So, I guess the moral of this story would be just because you know all about it now doesn't mean you should share it!

[mom2tj]

Oh dear, I feel for you I remember seeing a Dr.Phil show about this very subject, he made alot of sence he said to answer the question asked wothout going into detail only answer what he asked because that what he is ready for.... he also said something about how our bodies are made like a puzzle that fit together, it stuck to me... he said kids dont want the detail they just want the questions answers.

[adhdtimes4]

We have told our boys as soon as they ask, but always tried to tell them before they heard it from anyone else. Our school shows the kids a video in 5th grade - about age 10. They invite parents to see it first, so my husband went to see it. He said it was hysterical - all these dads in a dark room watching a movie about sex - in an elementary school!

When the boys are about 13, my husband takes them on a trip - just the two of them - and they listen to a series of tapes that addresses peer pressure, life goals, insecurity and sex. It's sort of a rite of passage.

[Brocksmom]

"he also said something about how our bodies are made like a puzzle that fit together, it stuck to me... he said kids dont want the detail they just want the questions answers"


If I told my ds(11) this he'd say "I don't get it, what do you mean? What does a puzzle have to do w/it".
That's a neat way to put it though

[vickilyn32]

In our school they also get the video in 5th grade. Both my kids talk very openly with me and I have always answered their questions or brought up a topic while watching a movie, so we have a continueous(sp?) discussion going on. I think it started when my DS was asking questions about how I had a baby in my tummy while I was carrying my DD and he was almost 3, and it just goes on from there. Also they are surrounded daily by tv, radio, older kids, etc. I would rather they got the info from me than someones older sibling who may not know the right answeres themselves.

[Honeysmom]

When I turned 10 that is when my mom told me about changes in my body. I could tell it was almost painful for her to do this, she was extrememly uncomfortable. That was the last talk we ever had, so from expeirence I think it would be best if he heard it at home, and not from school or friends. I don't think 10 is too young for the basics. (we were taught it in school in the 5th grade also) Maybe a full blown discussion would scare him or give him too much info, but anwsering his questions would be wonderful. I guess it depends more on how mature he is, and what he really wants to know.

I also think, maybe this would be a good talk comming from your DH. If they are close it would not be uncomfortable, and may make your son and him even a little closer. That's just my opinion. Sort of like, if I was 10 I would not want my dad telling me about "girl stuff." It could be sort of embaressing for him.

I still think everyone should get the opportunity to live on a farm for a year. My kids are still so small, but sexual issues are not a big deal at all, b/c they see the animals take care of that. I know Honey is only 5 (just about) but he asked me if babies are born just like cows, and I couldn't lie. I just said yes, and he asked if I got an "owie" from it, and I said a little, but it was fine. That was the end of the conversation. I'm sure there will be more questions, but I never want to give him the impression that sex is a big secret or should not be talked about, b/c then he won't talk to us about it. That's just my 2 cents worth.....Becky

[Brocksmom]

honeysmom-
Living on a farm would definitely be an advantage w/ all the experience it would be like "just another conversation"