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Post by HooDunnit on Mar 19, 2004 15:12:32 GMT -5
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Post by finnmom on Mar 19, 2004 16:22:49 GMT -5
Barry bullying at work can be totally brutal  I cant believe how badly adult´s can behave As for me, that hasn´t actually happend, I say actually, because there has been some try-out´s for that. I just dont let them, I make it so shure for them that they usually have the sence to back down. If not, I cut it emmediately right there, I make so clear that I´ll not tolerate that, That I´ll hit back harder, quicker and more brutal than they can even imagine, if they take that way!!!!!! I do the same if I notice this happening to my co-worker´s. I believe in honoring other´s, giving gredit to all people. But I need the gredit too, I HAVE to be honored by other´s! I can be really a female dog, if I want to, usually I dont want to! ;D this world is so brutal that one just have to take care of her/himself and other´s! That way we can all live in peace! Marja |
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Post by finnmom on Mar 20, 2004 3:56:01 GMT -5
UUP´S ;D This morning my reply seem´s a llittle too agressive, exuce me, it was originally made at 11´30pm at local time.  I do think this way, usually I can just be more polite in my writing ;D How was it again: could somebody pleace help me out of this soapbox ;D ;D Marja |
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Post by rosyred45 on Mar 20, 2004 10:02:15 GMT -5
 MARJA, Take of the hat and put that broom away this instant young lady ;D ;D ;D Hey, as long as your being honest, what the heck. Don't worry we know the nice Marja is here (most of the time ;D) I just about said no, BUT now that I think about it, yup, I've been there. What I did was take a stand. I talked to those involved, none of us felt comfortable with what this superintendant wanted, at least I didn't think so until all of the cards were laid on the table I realized that hmmmm, other people had other plans, that they had lied to me about or didn't "talk" to me about. Well, needless to say I am still where I am because I didn't do what "they" expected me to do. AND it bit them in the butt. What they wanted was for me to say" OK" to the changes they were making. A paper was all drawn up for me to sign and forfiet my "director" status for the "assis. Director" position. That would have eliminated the coordinator's position w/out another word said. BUT>>>I am NOT about to Bow to pressure from some idiot who called himself a Superintendent but wouldn't deal with the kids. So needless to say he asked me numerous time for the contract back and signed and I told him he wasn't getting it. It might have meant losing my job, but I would have been out the door kicking screaming and holloring if that would have happened. Just picture your kid NEEDING that toy he/she has wanted. ;D They thought they had it all figured out........ I WON ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Kaiti
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Post by swmom on Mar 20, 2004 11:21:38 GMT -5
I have experienced an adult bully. She bullied everybody. No one stood up to her because she was so verbally abusive. No one had a comeback. She was feared by everybody. I finally left the group she was in. She was making my life miserable.
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Post by adhdtimes4 on Mar 20, 2004 11:46:38 GMT -5
A couple of years ago we were talking to our kids about bullies, and the boys said they really didn't know any kids who fit the description. By contrast, my husband said he knew of an adult bully - and I knew exactly who he was talking about. And no one stands up to this horrible person. It's odd, isn't it? We tell our kids not to stand for it, yet we are at a loss when we have to deal with it.
I'd really like to confront this person, but I'll be honest - I'm chicken!!
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Post by swmom on Mar 30, 2004 20:06:46 GMT -5
I am disappointed and I don't know what to do.
I work in an office with 2 other women at a private school. I love my boss, the director. She's a great manager. No problem there. The problem is with the assistant director. She obviously has never worked outside of a school environment. She is a perfectionist and if you step out of line, even if it's unintentional, she pounces on you like a hungry cat. At first, I could see why she was around. She's very thorough and catches all my bosses mistakes. My boss NEEDS a backup person like that. The weird thing is this woman, the assistant director, seems to enjoy finding fault with
EVERY LITTLE THING. She makes me look bad at every opportunity, over these stupid things. My boss warned me about her and said she gets pretty snotty when she's stressed out. But that's all it is, she says. Well, geez. That's really unprofessional, too, eh? It's just awful and it's making me very uncomfortable. I've only been there a month. I'm thinking of picking up my paycheck on Friday and saying go to h----! This assistant is basically a bully!
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Post by rosyred45 on Mar 31, 2004 8:34:39 GMT -5
I can't really say as I blame you for wantin gto walk. Just think about how bad you need the job, or I should say, can you put up with the rest of the jobs and ignore her? I know that's gotta be really hard. You said you were warned about her snottyness. Is there anyway that you can talk to the director about how you feel? I'm sure she already knows, BUT there is the chance that she doesn't know HOW uncomfortable it is making you if you haven't said anything.
I have 5 girls under me. I thought they all were fine with each other, until one day a few weeks ago, I found out how wrong I was. Not that this is the same situation, but I thought things were fine until another girl told me that she doesn't feel another is responding appropriately to the children. Negativity and such, which I can't stand for, for the sack of the kids.
Since she brought it to my attention, I obviously had to pay more attention to the direction in which she was giving. We pretty much had a mid year slump. Everyone getting ancy because we are stuck inside. So we just had a little meeting and reviewed that positives are responded to better than negatives and all that stuff.
Maybe the director needs to know exactly how you feel. If you can't find the right words, without thinking you sound stupid, write it down and reword things until they sound like what you mean in a professional way.
Hope this helped
Kaiti
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Zotz
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Post by Zotz on Apr 2, 2004 21:47:22 GMT -5
I left a job over a bully about 9 months ago. After coming in late many times, crying almost every night, and finally starting to break down in my cubicle. It was one of the most horrible experiences I've had. I'm usually very strong willed, and dont' have a problem standing up for myself. But, I was the new employee in the group and I wanted to make a good impression, so I was afraid to make waves. It started with missed important meetings. The coworker was my senior, and so she was supposed to be my mentor in the company's ways. She would neglect to tell me of important meetings and then say in front of others (and our manager) that she told me. Next, she snooped into my private stuff. I kept a notebook of notes in my learning the company's ways. I told her I was going to get a Coke, and would be right back. I forgot to bring money, when I turned instantly back, I found her reading my notebook which also included personal items. I promptly snatched it from her hand, and told her 'That's Personal!' and left with it, my money, and took a long break outside. She did tell me that she was looking to see what we had covered, and not. I told her No, again, it was a personal notebook. But, I wanted to ask her if she had Memory problems (suggesting a link to the meeting screwups). The next stage was when I offered help. I'm generally an all around helpful person on the job. She needed something installed on her computer, so I'd emailed our manager that we both needed a certain software. Innocent enough, right? A few days later, while I was showing her how I did something she said her name as a subject in my email. Her response, 'let me see that!' 'No, That!' 'That!' and she kept getting more and more freakish. Finally I realized she saw her name, and she was demanding to see one of *my* emails because it had her name on it. I was at this job for 1 month. No more. Throughout that time, I had the sinking suspicion that she was saying bad things about me to internal customers. I had overheard her talking to our manager that I was not working out, but I couldn't hear what the problem was, if there was any real problem. I'd been completing tasks and projects easily enough, I wasn't having difficulty with anything or anyone except her. I think I was doing a good job. The fact the manager acted just as immature and unprofessional really put me off. Anyway, so after the first couple weeks, I started to feel so paranoid, and that really upset me. She would fuss about various things like that I "walk too quietly". And, when I'd ask for help on a task (she was who I was supposed to ask), instead of helping, she'd know the answer and call the requestor herself to resolve it. So, she got a pat on the back for job well down, and I got to learn nothing. (it's a technical job.) And, then the manager said I wasn't showing " follow-through?" (there's a business-ese word I can't think right now.) and that's what we do in this department. What an insult. About this time, I'm searching on the internet how to fix this or make it better, or what. I came across the adult bullying website, and realized that was it. It's different for adults, and it's different in the workplace, and we all know it's different with female bullies. Psycho! Still being paranoid, I was aggravated to no end. I constantly worried and stressed at my desk to the point of tears. I didn't know what to do anymore, it was all so Stupid! I also was in a cubicle in a major traffic area, so my manager, other managers, and the coworker were always walking behind me. I was miserable. The last straw was when I got another call for Help. They needed a report run. I asked the coworker for help getting connected to the database, and since I knew this group were her "friends", I emailed her their request. I knew she'd call them, so I walked over there to her cubicle and sat down. She didn't hear me.  And, she did call them. And proceeded to say I'm doing a bad job, I can't do anything right, I wasn't working out, she'd run the report for them, and the things she was saying were like a continuation of a previous conversation. It wasn't specifics that I'd done wrong, just that I could do no right and how in the world they expected me to do this request was beyond them. And, she'd talk like she was "holding back her words", she'd say "well, i just don't want to go into it" whent he other end would obviously ask 'What's WRong?' This is the same lady that feels the need to teach me Copy and Paste windows functions (CtrlC and CtrlV) in front of my boss like I'd never touched a computer before... and I'm a dba! Extremely insulting. So, she'd been determined the whole time to show the world I don't know anything. Anyway, she finished off her call - I sat there for 15 minutes while she talked. She turned around and almost jumped out of her skin. She screamed/squealed loudly "How long have you been there!?!!" and continued to raise such a stink about my quiet walking. She got everybody's attention, and I told the manager everything that had been going on the next day. A different manager, and he was helpful. I stayed for about one more week, but could not manage working with her, and so I left. The group itself was very stressful, outside of her. Maybe she was why, I don't know. I'm a friendly co-worker. They came in, stared at their screens and didnt' talk at all, every single day. Despite being told they completed (myself included) projects and tasks well, if they were late (even 10 mins) it was grounds for dismissal. So, her, the working conditions, and the philosophies of the upper managers is why I left that way. I would have stuck it out much longer without Her though. I was coming from a much more crucial position, with a big office, and a very flexibile environment. (So I was spoiled.) After I left, I applied for a couple jobs elsewhere, found one I really love, and in the six months I've been at my current job, I've never had the problem again. Looking back on it, I should have been more upfront with the managers from the beginning when it first started. I let her say things from the beginning without argument because I wanted to make a good impression. I should have risked it. |
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Zotz
New Member
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Post by Zotz on Apr 2, 2004 21:50:25 GMT -5
Oh, and I very much prefer to not work with females. Female and Female relations scare me! They're all so odd. Most of my friends are males, I think males are much more honest than females. Just a blanket statement, dont' you love those? Please dont' take insult, I dont', and I'm female too! Haha, I say that and I realize where I work now... it's like 99% female. I have a male boss though. But I work with nurses, doing various geeky things for them, and all the nurses are great. Well, one's a "pregnant dog" as you put it, but she treats everyone that way so it's OK by me! I've loved working at the place so much that I'm considering limiting future jobsearches at first to healthcare fields needing geeky folks. haha. |
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Post by rosyred45 on Apr 3, 2004 5:48:22 GMT -5
Jezz, I'd say you really were putting up with some crap. Id be outranged if I'd learned someone was doing that, although I have never worked in an office, I work in a school, hmmmm, that might be worse.
I am going to attend a bullying workshop a the school here next week. The guest speaker is Mr. Nate Terrell, LSW. Has anyone ever heard of him? The guidance counsoler has said he is great. He will also be speaking with the students on the 14th and 16th of this month, so if I get any good info, I'll be sure to pass it along
Have a good day
Kaiti
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Post by swmom on Apr 3, 2004 7:50:06 GMT -5
Zotz -
I almost cried when I read your post. That's just the sort of thing I was putting up with at my job. The things women do to one another!!!! Last Tuesday, I had a horrible day. This woman - a Miss Perfect - couldn't pick on me enough. It was horrible. I came home, didn't get ANY sleep that night, stayed up worrying all night long. I am 46 years old and have never experienced anything like this. I kept thinking,
"Am I just super sensitive?" "Is this just my imagination, or is this some kind of psychological warfare going on between me and this woman?" Well, it wasn't my imagination. I was being attacked verbally and psychologically by this woman and it was making me very uncomfortable. I just didn't know what to do. The next day, Wednesday, was much, much better. I think our boss had a talk with this woman and said, lay off of her. I think they are afraid I'll quit and if I do, they'll be in a difficult situation and they know it. We'll see. If it happens again, I will quit. This is only a part-time job. My husband is employed full-time so we would be able to stay afloat until I found something else. But, yes, I can relate wholeheartedly to what you experienced. It is AWFUL.
BTW, there is a wonderful book out there called "Odd Girl Out" by Rachel Simmons. It's a few years old and it's about female bullying, primarily what girls do to one another. But adult women do it, too. If you haven't read it, you'll find it very interesting. I certainly did.
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Post by finnmom on Apr 3, 2004 14:15:30 GMT -5
A little of the topic, but: I think that women can be so gruell, I dont think men are capable for that. Even little girl´s can pick eatch other´s so badly verbally, little boy´s just get to fight and it´s over. I´am so sorry for you, it´s hard enought to work full day with family, noone should have to face anything like that. Hang in there! Remember, some day they´ll step to too big toe´s and end up fired Marja |
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Post by LitlBaa on Apr 3, 2004 21:51:09 GMT -5
This brings back memories! I had requested a transfer back to Fresno when Katie was about six months old, the commute etc. was killing me. Since there were no stores available, I had to accept a demotion to Asst. Manager. I had no problem but since I had more mangement experience than the manager I would be working under, she took all her misery out on me. Finally I requested another demotion, to Area Supervisor, so she could only torture me 40 hours a week. When that didn't help, I went to my doctor and went out on Worker's Comp (Job related stress), and since they based my disability on my manager's salary, I made more on disability!
There is a great ending to this story...a few years later, when I was a District Manager for another company, running eleven stores, I stopped into the brand new store the former company had just opened, and who was folding clothes, demoted to salesfloor associate, but that awful manager. I had the best time telling her all about my wonderful, exciting job...what goes around really does come around, I'm just really glad I got to see it!
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Post by LitlBaa on Apr 3, 2004 21:52:03 GMT -5
This brings back memories! I had requested a transfer back to Fresno when Katie was about six months old, the commute etc. was killing me. Since there were no stores available, I had to accept a demotion to Asst. Manager. I had no problem but since I had more mangement experience than the manager I would be working under, she took all her misery out on me. Finally I requested another demotion, to Area Supervisor, so she could only torture me 40 hours a week. When that didn't help, I went to my doctor and went out on Worker's Comp (Job related stress), and since they based my disability on my manager's salary, I made more on disability!
There is a great ending to this story...a few years later, when I was a District Manager for another company, running eleven stores, I stopped into the brand new store the former company had just opened, and who was folding clothes, demoted to salesfloor associate, but that awful manager. I had the best time telling her all about my wonderful, exciting job...what goes around really does come around, I'm just really glad I got to see it!
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