MOM HAS FINALLY HAD IT!!!

[Jorgy]

Sorry guys for dumping on you but I have to go somewhere to get this out. I posted about self esteem in my 11 yr old son. He is not handing in homework, he is not giving me the notes from school because "I will be mad". Darn right I am mad! Cause he lied to me about doing his homework and purposefully not giving me notes is lying also!!!! This kid has been nicely tqlked to and coddled and sympathized with till I've had it. He is now going to get all the late work in AND no more late work this week OR he will not go to a snow tubing party on Fri. I am now personally looking at his assignment book and all his assignments and treating him like he is in 1st grade until he can show me he can be responsible again. His comment was "Are there people you can hire to kill you.(as in himself)" My comment was don't bother I may do it myself! I have bent over backward for this kid.... NO MORE!!! He now has to prove to me that he can be respsible. I hate this, I feel like my father! I do not want to do this to him but his choices have forced me to act like this. Sorry again but I had to get this out. Sue

[loveforeric]

Sue;

I am sorry you are having a hard time with this. My ds8 is only in 3rd grade, but started lying to us about the schoolwork too. We have to do the same thing. We now have the teacher give a packet of his important homework so that Eric has no choice and can't lie to us.

We also spoke to the teacher and asked what was to be turned in and what he didn't have to on a regular basis. This helps when the ds8 looks us in the face and tells us a lie. I don't know if you can do that, but it might help.

I totally agree with your idea that he finish all that work before he can go on his fun day. Good for you! You have no fun keeping up with his work for him. We did that to ds8 and he had alot, but he did it so he could go to the movies.

Sorry so long, I hope you have a better day,
Christina

[Linda]

Wow Sue...Brings back memories...and not good ones either! you have to do what you have to do!

My advice is to do what you are doing AND find out if his teacher could help out by e-mailing you with his assignments....Your son won't like it but...oh well!!!

[finnmom]

Sue
It´s sad that you had to do this, but there are time´s that only harsh action´s get trough to these kid´s
You did your best, just hang in tough not to let him go unless....Sometime´s you just have to learn the hard way, better now than later. Good luck and strenght to you!!
Marja

[AnneM]

Hi Sue ... As Marja says there are some lessons our kids have to learn the hard way ... and there is no other way around it ... and it sounds like this is one of those essential "harder lessons" ...

No fun for you or for your son at the time .. but in the long run will hopefully pay dividends... !! GOOD LUCK!!

[Allanque]

*hands Jorgy a bar of Toblerone* (yummy chocolate goodness)

[Jorgy]

Thanks guys! I do need some yummy chocolate today. I really hate being so mean but what can ya do? I'm glad others had or are having these same problems, only because I was wondering if it was just my kids or was something wrong with me. Oh well, this too shall pass...
Christina, he has everything written in his assignment book and we are trying to get him to be more resposible for when he goes to middle school. That is a way larger school that won't cater to him and won't accept late work. He seems to be giving up and having a pity party. I am sick of it... maybe a good kick in the butt will do it. God knows we have tried everything else at this point.

[tridlette]

Sue... I have been fighting this for so long with Michael. He doesn't do the homework, aces the tests, but the teachers keep threatening him with failing. In the end he always pull the rabbit out of the hat and somehow passes.

I threatened him all last week that if he didn't finish his missing math homework, he too would lose his trip to the ski area in the Poconos with his boy scout troop. He wasn't quite caught up by Friday night, but had made profound progress on the back log of work. I wanted to go to the mountains too, so I gave in and took him.

Now he has plenty of time to make up the missing work, since he broke his leg on the snowboard. I am feeling guilty that I let him go and now he is really suffering. If I look at the pro's and con's, I guess missing a ski trip would have been less painful!

So, hang in there, and let him know which is more painful! Michael is now sitting home, leg up, being waited on by me, and not getting to even go to the boys room until I decide his school work is done ;D

Good luck! Laurie

[Honeysmom]

Sue, sorry to hear it is not going so great. I know what you mean about acting like your dad. I never wanted to do that either, but I find myself having to. I agree with you on keeping him home if he doesn't complete the work, and espeically if he is lying about it. Sometimes it sucks to be the parent...Good Luck...Becky

[adhdtimes4]

Oh Jorgy, honey. I'm with you. I'm so tired of putting forth all the effort, which is the case with one of my boys. He doesn't do anything without me saying 'what are you supposed to be doing?' He won't or can't remember to write his homework down, then he messes around and doesn't get it done when he has it. His grades are awful.

And then he has the nerve to whine "I just don't do anything right."

Well, then, by golly, DO SOMETHING RIGHT!

GRRRRRR.

Check out this email I got today from a teacher...

His class average now is a 67. He got a 85 on his Odyssey unit test yesterday. He has a vocab test on Thursday. He got a zero on homework yesterday for not having his note cards for lesson 8. Focus in class is iffy.
There have been a couple of days that I've had to say, Joe are you going to do some work? He can't seem to find a pen or pencil some days too.

The only reason he made an 85 on the Odyssey test is because this wonderful teacher mailed me a copy of all her study questions - with answers! So I could make sure he studied! Also (the rant continues) he would have made a better grade if he had told me he was having the test. We hadn't studied for a week.

Yes, I've had one of those days, too. Hope you don't mind me dumping with you, Jorgy!

[StrugglingAgain]

Girls, girls, girls, guys.......you ALL sound just like me. I tell ya, my son is 8 and I've got this great relationship with his teacher. We email ALL the time. We plan things to encourage him AND she doesn't harrass him, just tells me when there are problems. I like to say my son has no learning disablilities, but he probably would if I didn't help him all the time. IF he can't complete something they do in class, she sends it home and writes me a note to have him finish it whenever he can. I've always gotten on it right away, and it doesn't happen often, but I SO appreciate her understanding. Maybe you need to educate these teachers more. I've been on that kick ever since he started Kindergarten (2nd grade now). I always hear the same...that they do ADHD/ADD training for the teachers. HA!!! They don't know what training really is. WE know, don't we?? I've even made a list (before school started) of the things she could do to make her day better, as well as his, and mine. We, as parents, work soooo hard to build up their self-esteem and I resent the idea that some teachers tear that down. The lying, of course you're angry, and you should be. I also agree there's got to be a penalty. The best thing that will happen is that tomorrow is another day...and we adore them all so much that we'll forget it when they put their arms around us and say, "I love you." You might think you sound like your father, but on the other hand, LOOK at yourself and remember what a kind, loving, supportive parent you are...ya got it from somewhere!!

[Jorgy]

ADHD4 this is too funny! My little darling is named Joe too! Could they be brothers?! When I got home tonite what a difference. All his homework was done. He showed it to me and explained it to me. He was very respectful and listened to me the first time. Shocking! He seems relieved that this was all out in the open. He seemed greatful for the kick in the butt. He was even able to watch a basketball game with his dad.
Struggling, I understand what you are saying but his teacher is GREAT! We are now e-mailing each other frequently. She is even tutoring him once a week (for free) to help him with his learning disablility. She has done everything she can think of to help him and has shown him a lot of stratagies to use. He doesn't like being different from the other kids and she minimizes this to the point that the other kids don't even know he is doing special work. but in all this he is starting to refuse to help himself so hence the kick in the butt. It is well deserved and much needed and actually tonite seems to be helping! Lets hope tomorrow is like today ;D Sue