|
|
Post by AnneM on Feb 13, 2004 13:05:59 GMT -5
This is not about my son (for which I am grateful!) ... this is about the son of a friend of mine - he is NOT adhd ... he is 16 years old and for the past 2 years he has regularly skipped lessons to the point now that his mother is never sure whether he is there or not!! ... She drops him off at school EVERY morning ... but whether he actually goes or not seems to be very hit and miss. The school are constantly contacting her to ask about his whereabouts....
I spoke to her (his mother) at length on the telephone last night and between us we just cannot understand it ... he has been given every punishment available for doing this ... he has been punished at school and he has been punished at home ... and yet he does it over and over again!! ... He is a bright boy and is in the top stream for all his lessons so this isn't about struggling academically ...
There was one little thing which I didn't like though ... and that was that whilst we were talking on the phone her son obviously came in because she said "Ah ... speak of the devil" ... and then she continued to berate him (to me) when he was obviously now listening! ... I wasn't comfortable with this ... I felt the conversation should have been changed at this point ....
Any thoughts or ideas on this one .... ??
|
|
|
|
Post by Linda on Feb 13, 2004 13:21:20 GMT -5
First thing that came to mind Anne is maybe just maybe he is into drugs?I hope not,but you never know.
As far as the mom berating her son...I wouldn't like it either!! Just an opinion here.
|
|
|
|
Post by ohmama on Feb 13, 2004 13:24:07 GMT -5
I think the secret of why he is skipping school would be in finding out where he goes and what he is doing during the time he is out. Someone would have to very carefully follow him. Then I think there could be a new way to approach the problem with added insight. There may be more than meets the eye here.
|
|
|
|
Post by AnneM on Feb 13, 2004 14:19:49 GMT -5
Thank you Linda and Oh Mama ... I feel so sorry for this Mum - she is on her own here (single Mum) and she is at such a loss what to do ... Everytime we speak I get a long speel about the problem she is having with her son !! (She also has two daughters who never seem to cause her any problem!) ...
Anyway ... hmmm ... drugs COULD be a clue here Linda ... (on another occasion the mother had told me that her son HAD been dabbling in drugs last summer)! ... and I agree Oh Mama that she definitely needs to find out WHERE he is spending this time!! ... These two things might well end up being one!! I HOPE NOT for the family's sake ... but why would he otherwise just disappear like this from school ?!?!?
I think we MIGHT have hit on something here ... but should I suggest this to his mother ?
|
|
|
|
Post by Dad2Brooke on Feb 13, 2004 15:23:12 GMT -5
If he is skipping school and still in the "top stream" maybe he is not challenged enough and skipping out of boredom?
Call me niave, but I think if he were doing anything more than maybe experimenting with drugs, his grades would probably reflect it.
I think that following is a good idea, but as ohmama said, it would have to be careful. If he catches the follower, then you have the whole "trust" issue. Which of course, she doesn't trust him, but he may not know that.
Does he have a girlfriend? Is she skipping as well. Any mates that are skipping at the same time?
And the issue of the mom not changing the subject. I do believe she should have. Berating him to someone else in his presence, is not very nice, IMO.
|
|
|
|
Post by finnmom on Feb 13, 2004 16:32:16 GMT -5
Anne  So many good point of wiew´s already, but here is an other one: mayby he just has to act rebellious(SP?) to his mom. You said there is 2 daughter´s who seem to be "angel´s", mayby he´s just trying to get some notification  I , too, think, if he wuold be hevy user it should show in his school-grade´s. Hopely that´s not the case. sound´s like they´ve already got really far from each other´s, mom talking about him to someone other, infront of him, sound´s like they got some serious problem´s getting on  I woulf have felt uncomfortable too in your shoes Marja |
|
|
|
Post by AnneM on Feb 13, 2004 16:46:05 GMT -5
and thanks Dad2Brooke and Finnmom ... Dad2Brooke you have a VERY good point in whether there are other kids (girls or boys!) skipping school at the same time as him ... and the answer is I don't actually know!! but I think this is an important point!! ...
... and Finnmom I am also wondering about the relationship that this boy has with his mother ... and from where I am standing I agree it definitely DOESN'T seem very healthy!! ... and this is certainly another thought - could this be for attention OR is it because his mother "thinks" he is bad anyway so he is "acting the part" ... especially with the two sisters being so "good" !!
This is all so really helpful and I feel so much better armed to talk to the Mum next time ... and I do have a lot of questions I am wondering about ........ !
|
|
|
|
Post by mom2tj on Feb 13, 2004 17:34:47 GMT -5
Experimenting is how it starts.
IMO from experience living sith a drug user (my brohter) trust should not be an issue if drugs are involved we earn trust and since he is skipping school would be enought to loose my trust so be it if he is mad she just might save his life...
I agree with Dad2brooke she sould find out if his friends and or girlfriends are skipping too that would be the 1st step.
|
|
