There Goes the Neighborhood

[jdmom]

OMG! Saturday night, the local police department came around and told us that a sex offender has moved into our subdivision.
They gave us an info sheet stating his name, age, weight, height, hair color, and eye color. They also gave us his address. His backyard butts right up against mine. They also told us that he was convicted for "inappropriate sexual conduct with an 11 year old female".
I don't know what to do other than the fact that I set Jarrett down and we had a long talk about Stranger Danger. I reminded him not to let a stranger, in a car, or on foot, get too close to him. I told him he is not to speak to anyone in that yard. If anyone in that yard even tries to speak to him he is to run to the closest house and get an adult.
It is sad, because we have a neighborhood FULL of children. On my cul-de-sac alone, there are 13 children under the age of 16. Our subdivision is quite large and there are ALWAYS large groups of children out playing.
In my cul-de-sac, we all know each other quite well. We all tend to keep an eye on each other's children and the kids are always in and out of the various houses. On warm evenings, usually us parents are all out there with them. I've always thought it a good thing that we are all so close and get along so well, but now it worries me that Jarrett might think that just because they are neighbors, they can be trusted. So we had a long talk about that, too. I told him just who he could talk to and who he couldn't and tried to get the importance of the message across.
I guess I made an impact because he was a nervous wreck about it all night. He could hardly sleep for worrying about it.
We live in a small town. That's one of the reasons I chose a small town, so I wouldn't have to worry about what in my mind is "big city stuff".
The really sad thing is that basically this pervert has more rights then I do. I can't speak my mind to him because that would be considered harrassment. IMHO, someone like him shouldn't even be allowed to live in a neighborhood such as ours, where sometimes on summer evenings, you can't even pull in your driveway for all the kids gathered out in the road playing basketball on your basketball goal, even though your child isn't out there with them, and you don't think a second thing about it.
Well, if anyone else can think of something I left out of Jarrett's "education" please feel free to let me know. The only thing I can do about the situation is to make sure the children are well informed, I guess. I feel helpless, and I DO NOT like it at all!

[Honeysmom]

That really burns me!

You are so right, why is it that people like that can move right into a neighbor hood full of kids? I know there are situations where the sexual preditor label has been given incorrectly, but I can hardly see how this could've happened since the girl was only 11. Usually I am for giving a second chance to people, but not on this issue. It also makes me wonder why he would move into your neighborhood, knowing full well that everyone would get a flyer on him. You'd thing he would want to move into an area with no kids so it would be a non-issue and save himself some greif.

This is one issue where he seems to have more rights than you do. He can live by you, which seems to be his right, but we don't have the right as citizens to say no, we don't want this, we prefer to have a safe enviroment for our kids. I suppose he has paid his debt to society so we can't discriminate. Now I have to put my soap box away before I fall and hurt myself.

You did good, and I don't know what else I would add. Just keep an eye on your kids. Maybe he won't stay long since the nirghbors probably won't be too friendly.

Becky

[mom2tj]

that is too bad that we have to teach our children not to trust the one good thing I see in your post is that you where informed about him living near you.... I could think these things are made public in our area not that I know of anyway. We had a few failed abductions from the school yards in the fall and I hated having to tell DS to be careful even at play in a place he should feel safe.... I told him that never ever would I send someone that he does not know to get him if Mommy was sick or anything happend that I could not pick him up I would sent DH Grandma ect never would I send someone he doesnt know.... and ofcorse we whent thought the normal dont ever go in someones car do not talk to strangers blabla its so bad to have to raise our children this way.

[ohmama]

jdmom,
It was not too long ago that I saw an interview on 20/20 or 60 minutes? Don't remember what the program was. Anyway, they interviewed a child killer who was in prison for numerous molestation, kidnapping, and killings of children.

I normally would not watch such a program as the subject matter is so very upsetting. I watched this one. They interviewed the killer in prison and asked him how he would pursuade the children to go with him. It seems none of his victims were forced. They went quietly.

His answer to the question made me physically sick. He had a smirk on his ugly face as he said "I watch for a while and I look for the good kids, the ones that are well behaved. They are easy to get because they obey you. They do what I say just because I'm an adult. I can imtimidate them".

This sicko was very intelligent. It made me think that I need to teach my children about their personal space. No one has the right to invade that, physically or otherwise. No teacher, no authority figure, no adult, not even another child. It is tied to personal value and self esteem and must never be comprimised.

It is learned at home first then at school. The way we treat our children or allow others to treat them teaches them what is acceptable and sets their boundary's.

We never imagine it could be used against them but it happens every day. There is an excellent book called "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman also, his other book called "Working with Emotional Intelligence" that shows you how to teach your kids "street smarts" and how to make them aware without scaring them. Sometimes it's ok to be disrespectful to an adult or to say no and fight back.

My suggestion would be to gather the neighbors together (children and adults) and role play with each other different situations where it would be appropriate for them to do this. You will be giving them power and teaching them at the same time. Power takes away fear. It will take more than just telling them what to do and what not to do.

The safety of children has always been my soft spot. I guess that's why I adopted my twins. If anyone ever abused your child you would want me on the jury.



I'm editing this to say that "Working With Emotional Intelligence" is not the right book. It's a good one though. Can't remember the name of the book I was thinking of that could help with this. The other book called "Emotional Intelligence" hits on some of the points and is worth reading. Maybe someone else would know of one?

[Jorgy]

Those so called "people" gave up all thier rights when they hurt a child. Can you make this an issue with the city? It is NOT RIGHT that he should be allowed in a neighborhood where there are children. Why should his rights come before thiers? This makes me sick!

[tridlette]

At our Boy Scout meeting tonight, our Scout Master, who is also a police officer had a brief talk with the boys. He pretty much said all the typical stuff, about setting up codes with adults you know, etc. He told the boys that just because they are boys does not exempt them from being victims.

He also was insistant on letting the boys know one more thing...

A COP ISN'T A COP UNLESS HE HAS THE POLICE CAR!
An undercover officer usually has very little to do with the general public. If a child is asked to go with the police officer, he should say NO unless there is a uniform, a badge, a radio AND a car, easily visible. (Everyone in my line of work 9-1-1 knows that cops always park their car as close as possible to where they are going!)

I thought it was very important to pass along since it was a police officer who pointed this information out to kids. He also said that the child should be VERY LOUD yelling out that "HE ISN'T MY FATHER, DON'T LET HIM TAKE ME!" so that everyone around will take notice.

Several years ago, a serial child molester/murderer was caught shortly after a failed abduction on the main street of my hometown. He was noticed by a night shift orderly going home from work. He told me that he thought it was just a father/daughter altercation but his conscience made him follow up with the police anyway.

The 11 yr. old girl escaped by her own quick thinking. She faked an asthma attack and sat down right in the middle of the street. She pretended to grab her inhaler, and the jerk let go of her for a second. She wriggled out of her school back pack and ran off, fortunately to the police station one block away. Later, when interviewed, it turns out she doesn't even have asthma and has never used an inhaler!

The jerk was caught about 4 hours later, because the orderly had a description and a partial license plate number. He then confessed, and has been in prison since then, never to be released.

Our karate school teaches self defense, and one of the key phrases the kids learn is "Just Move, Silly!" It works, that little girl moved and is now a senior in college. Karate also teaches that trickery can get you out of a conflict. Again, the girl proved it to work. The experts say that your best chances to survive is to make your move in the first few minutes. The kids see TV shows where the heroes spend 45 minutes developing their getaway plan. That doesn't work in real life. The victim needs to move fast and loudly, while still in public.

I don't mean to scare anyone, and I know this doesn't help having a registered offender in the neighborhood. But your children may be far safer than mine, because they are now educated and informed. I may have an offender lurking in my neighborhood, but since he/she isn't registered, I haven't taken the time to educate my children.

We all need to use this as an urgent wake up call to let our kids know that they are small, but they are powerful if they are informed.

Laurie

[jdmom]

Oooh, talk about goosebumps.
I've tried to think how Jarrett would react in a situation where someone was trying to abduct him, and I honestly just don't know. Which probably isn't a good thing.
He's the typical ADHD child, loud and full of life. But when he meets new people he is usually shy at first. So if some stranger come up to him and said "Come with me and be quiet or I'll hurt you", I honestly don't know what he would do.
I think we need to talk some more. When we were discussing this over the weekend, I concentrated more on how to recognize and keep away from strangers to keep himself out of a risky situation. I really didn't go into what to do if someone DID manage to get close enough to hurt him.

So far the parents of my neighborhood have just kind of discussed this in an unorganized manner. You know, if more than one of us happens to be outside at a time, we'll get together and have little gripe sessions. We probably do need to do something a little more organized, with the children involved.

One thing I wonder about is how many families were informed. I know my entire cul-de-sac was, but like I said, this man's backyard butts up against our backyards. I know the street that his house is on was informed. But I wonder about the rest of the subdivision? During the summer, some of the older kids will range quite a few blocks from their own homes when they are out on their bikes. And unfortunately my cul-de-sac is kind of like a magnet for those "wanderers". With the number of kids, there is always a basketball game going, or kids out on their bikes and other kids hear the noise and just kind of drift our way.

I HATE THIS! I wish there was a way I could think of to run this guy off without it being considered harrassment. My entire cul-de-sac was just built 2 years ago. Moving really isn't an option.

I guess I should just feel content that at least this guy registered. Tridlette is right, there is no telling how many are out there that aren't. But now everytime my child is outside, my heart is going to be in my throat, and I'm not going to be able to do anything else but stare out the window.

[catseye]

I hate to post this out in the open, but I do have some insight into these types of people unfortunately...

My first husband, who I met when I was 12 and he was 20 (yeah my parents believed he was waaaay younger)... Is now on the pedifile list for and incident after I left him... I found his name through the internet, on my state's list... I believe all states have this list posted, and you can do a search of your zip codes area...

I was married to the man for 10 years, and there was never a problem while we were married (other than how our relationship started!)... We lived in a trailer park (he still lives there) with the play yard for the kids of the park right behind us... We always had children around us, my neices/nephews, heck we even were raising his neice for a year...

I ran into a cousin of his about a year after our divorce... She informed me that my ex was on the "list" and that it was his neice (the one we had for a year as a baby SICK!)... According to the cousin my ex spanked the girl for something bare butted, and of course the neice was angry and claimed there was more... My ex is listed in the 4th degree category (which my understanding is that is a lessor offense)....

My ex is now remarried ... I hope that means he isnt any sort of "threat" to children out there at this time... The incident with his neice happened, while he wasnt attached...

After all that I understand everyones concerns... Although I doubt there is much anyone can do about where a pedifile lives after doing their time... The best thing we can do is EDUCATE our children against these types of felons... The world we live in stinks! I hate teaching our kids to fear people... I dont know if my story helped relieve you panic or made it go the other way, but I thought it best to put it out there so others know these people arent always real obvious... Good luck

cat

[jdmom]

The newspaper had an article about sex offenders in Sunday's paper. Actually, there was a whole page dedicated to it. It listed the various sex offender catagories and their characteristics. I know from the flyer that I received that the guy in our neighborhood was listed as a Level 3. Here is what it says about it:

"Level 3/High Risk - History of repeated sexual offending, and/or strong antisocial, violent, or predatory personality characteristics. Sexual compulsions may be present but controlled through prevention and treatment. High probability of reoffense." It listed it's source as the Arkansas Crime Information Center. There are only 4 levels, with one being Low Risk and four being Sexually Violent Predator.

Lovely! It's even worse than I thought. The paper said that there are only 2 level 3's in my county and no level 4's. So one of the most violent registered sexual offenders in the county is in my neighborhood.

It was a beautiful weekend, so all of the kids were out playing. Most of them were at my house because I bought Jarrett a new large set of sidewalk chalk and they were all over drawing pictures. While I had them all together, I brought up what to do if a "stranger" came into the neighborhood and we all had a long discussion. I didn't bring up the guy because I was worried about offending some of the parents. We just talked about stranger danger and how to avoid them.
I also had had a long talk with my nephew after I caught him outside talking to the guys who were picking up our trash. So I explained to all of them how the trashmen and the postman and anyone else that they see on a regular basis is still considered a "stranger". I also kind of reminded the older ones to keep an eye out for the younger ones while they were all outside together. There are a couple of teenage girls right next door that are "tomboys" and are always outside. Hopefully, our discussion had some sort of an impact. I'm really worried because these electric scooters have gotten so popular now. Some of the parents are letting their children wander a lot further away than I would ever consider letting Jarrett go. He knows his territory, He can go all the way around the "curve" in the cul-de-sac, but he can't go past one neighbor's mailbox, as once he's past that he's out of my sight. So far he has done really well and hasn't complained, but there are several parents who allow their children to go much further than that but I'm worried about him following them past his boudries. I guess one good thing is that there are so many children and they tend to play in large groups. Hopefully, this would be a deterrent for anyone "up to no good".

[AnneM]

Wow !! ... I am speechless ... Speechless for a couple of reasons ... One is that "they" (the authorities) have moved this person into an area full of kids (!). The other reason i am speechless is because you were told!! In the UK we are NOT told when we have a sex offender living in our area ... it is all kept very secret to 'defend the person's privacy" .... We therefore have no idea whether we have a paedophile in our area or not and from the national statistics it is pretty likely that we have some living not far away ... but we are NOT informed .... However the parents of murdered 7 year old Sara Payne have been campaigning long and hard for the public to be TOLD when we have a paedophile living in our vicinity ... You are certainly ahead of us on this !!

However, this doesn't help the shock and worry you must be feeling .... but hopefully forewarned is forearmed .... I think Jarrett should be informed that he should never speak to this individual nor have anything to do with him ... I personally would be a little cautious about being too specific or frightening him toooo much because it could worry him to the point of not wanting to go out and join his friends at all which would be such a shame .... Oh this is a difficult one!!