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Post by catseye on Jan 29, 2004 19:08:44 GMT -5
I have a really tough situation comming up here this summer... As you may know I am a step mother... My sd is adhd/autistic/hearing impaired and 8 years old... This summer her mom wants to have her for extended visitations (she wanted sd last year, and because we had already signed the daycare contract we said NO)... My concern is that sd's mom has NO daycare planned for sd while mom is at work... Sd's mom has a step daughter that is 13 years old, and another daughter that is 10 (will almost be 11 by summer)... Personally I would NEVER leave sd with a 13 year old, for 8 hours a day (or more), 5 days a week... I KNOW sd is a handfull... In fact the summer daycare we had last summer, said she would not be able to handle my sd full time again this summer  .... Its shouldnt be my business I know, but I thought I would see what other parents of a child with adhd thought about my predictament... Am I being overly protective here?? Give it to me straight!! cat |
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Post by savvymom1 on Jan 29, 2004 20:40:24 GMT -5
Oh Cat! This does not sound good!
My oldest is 13 with Aspergers and my youngest is 9, w/ ADD. I guess I am lucky, because although my oldest is quirky, she is very responsible. She babysits for some neighbors occassionally and has done an excellent job! I never would have let her do it if I hadn't seen her in action around small children many times. She has taken two accredited babysitting classes, works in the church nursery and reads books about babysitting tips! As an asperger's child, her main topic of interest is babies and toddlers and she reads everything she can get her hands on about baby care. She is definately the exception to the rule.
NOW all of that said... I don't like to let her babysit her 9 yr old sister for more than an hour or two at the most. I wouldn't dream of letting a 13 yr old watch other kids for an 8 hour day all summer!!! What a recipe for disaster! No matter how responsible that 13 yr old is, that is too long of a time period to be in charge of two other kids (especially a tricky one like your sd). I don't mean that unkindly, I've kept up with your posts and can totally relate to many of the things you are dealing with, with her.
Is there anyone who can talk to sd's mom and let her know this is too tough of a job for a 13 year old? This needs to be nipped in the bud in time to make other summer arrangements. I wish you luck!
Judy
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Post by aimee30 on Jan 29, 2004 20:53:37 GMT -5
I think any child around 13 is too young to babysit for more than a couple of hours. Especially if the child they are babysitting has behavior problems, etc. I babysat when I was 13, but it was never more than a couple of hours.
I think I would have to ask the bm about the child care arrangements. If there is nothing in the visitation about letting her stay all summer and you don't like the child care she is planning on using, don't let sd go for the summer. Also check with hubby and see how he feels. Maybe he can intervene?
If it was me and I didn't have to let her go for long periods of time (and didn't feel comfortable doing so) I wouldn't.
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Post by catseye on Jan 29, 2004 21:18:49 GMT -5
Since this is the first year sd's mom has been at least partially involved in school issues, I will bring it up at the IEP (which I am pretty sure mom will be at too, boy is mom in for a surprise), to get some teacher opinions... Although it will look pretty biased, if dh or I bring it up... ARGH...
Maybe last years summer daycare provider (who does NOT want sd full time again this summer), could talk to sd's mom??... I wish I could think of someone that sd's mom will listen too...
No there is nothing in the agreement about visitation period... It was left pretty open for the parents to agree upon... Although sd's mom has been hounding my hubby about extended time, which is usually the normal in a step situation... We (yes my hubby feels the same) just wish it was a more "formal" daycare arrangement for sd, and not just kids watching kids...
He doesnt like the idea at all either... We were both so thankfull last summer that we had already signed a daycare agreement (last year the babysitter was only 12), and could get out of it... Regardless though my hubby is a doormat for sd's mom, he will not confront her about anything, claiming fear of "rocking the boat"... I think he is afraid of their issues ever going to court, because the courts usually favor the mom in those situations...
My hubby didnt have to fight for sd in the beginning her mom just left, and didnt call or visit sd for 3 years... It has always been written that dh has physical custody, and both parents have joint legal...
What a mess this is going to be... I just cant understand how a mom, who has professed herself that sd is a "handfull" (to the point sd's mom stopped visiting because sd was so "bad" ) would expect a 13 year old to watch sd for so long during the day... I know I have to let it go, that isnt easy for me, I love sd too much for it to be easy... I appreciate your input on this, at least I dont feel over protective necessarily now!!
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Post by anneke on Jan 29, 2004 21:28:00 GMT -5
hello,
I have been babysitting from the age of 13. But then I already had a lot of experiance with shildren , my mother always took care for other peoples there babies. at that age I was the same sise then now so I loked older. sometimes I had to babitys for a long time, 4 shildren at ones, but it was always close to my home so I could easely call my mum. I also knew EHBO.
I never had problems
What I dont like is that she has to babysit her one sister, becouse manny times the youngest wont listen to the older one.
dont worry too mutch the other kids are probably used to be alone in the house together, they can have a lot of fun together
Anneke
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Post by Honeysmom on Jan 29, 2004 21:37:27 GMT -5
13 is ok for a few hours with kids that are 8 and 9, but no longer than 3 hours or so. The kids are all too close in age for one thing. It won't be long before there is a power struggle on that one. In our situation we have a sitter that is 14, and we will leave her for a whole day, but we are within a mile of home and can leave whenever she calls us so it is not a big deal. Also, she usually brings a friend and the kids cry when they leave they like her so much so that makes me feel better. When I was 10 my mom left me home 8 hrs a day with my sister, who was 8, and my brother who was 4. It was all summer. The only back up was the neighbor lady who was supposed to check on us but never did. I can't believe that my mom did that! We did terrible things and got in all kinds of trouble. I was in no way ready for that kind of responsibility. When I was 14 I babysat all summer for a little boy. It was 40 hrs a week and I hated it. It was way too much for me. I had things I wanted to do and I couldn't b/c I always had this kid with me. It won't be long until the 13 y/o is fed up with the situation either. It is my guess that sd's mom will remember pretty quickly why she called her a "handful" in the first place. She is asking too much of a 13 y/o. Sorry it got so long!!  Becky |
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Post by finnmom on Jan 30, 2004 10:55:04 GMT -5
Cat  I wouldn´t worry about feeling too protective, sound´s like you have a good reason for that. I agree with Honeysmom, it wont be long before there is one VERY tired and fed up babysitter, I would worry about that  I wish I could have an answer to you, unfortunately there is no miracle on this one I think yuo have to get your consern´s to mom´s knowligde some way or an other. I hope it´ll be solved soon, so you dont have to worry. Marja |
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Post by LitlBaa on Feb 1, 2004 1:41:56 GMT -5
For an all day thing, I'd want the sitter to be at least 16, so he/she was able to drive (at least in CA) in case of emergency. For a few hours in the afternoon, at least 14.
We're going through the same thing with Katie for this summer. She has to go to summer school (she failed pre-algebra), so that takes care of the morning, but the afternoon is a problem. I know she can't handle being alone, I even worry about the 2 hours till I get home from work. I told her not to answer the phone unless she knew who it was (we have Caller ID), so she followed that direction, but I guess I didn't tell her not to open the door, because she did! Yikes! That's one of the reasons I would want an older, more sensible sitter.
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Post by mom2tj on Feb 2, 2004 12:28:59 GMT -5
Well I am not the one to ask! I am so overprotective I dont leave my childen with anyone that is not at least 16 and even at that not for very longunless I was not to far ... my real babysitter is 22 but not everybody is as lucky as me to have a niece that is willing to babysit at 22! I dont mean to scare you I am a WAHM so I dont have to woory about these things.
the summers are tought ones what do we do? How far does the mother work how long would it take for her to get home in an emergency?and how does she get along with her step-sisters would be a question I would ask myself.....what comes to my mind is what are they going to do all day at home alone? are the sisters going to pay attention to her of go off to play with there own friends wich would be what a normal 13 yo would do.
be real here!!! 11 and 13 babysitting for 8 hours 5 days a week I think its a bit much.
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Post by catseye on Feb 5, 2004 10:55:22 GMT -5
MINI update here! Dh has descided he is going to request a statement from the 13 year olds mom, as to if 1. she is aware of the situation her daughter will be babysitting 2. if the mom feels her daughter is mature enough to handle it...
all kids mature differently, hopefully this child (who we really dont know) is mature enough to do this... The 13 year olds mom is 4 hours away from where the kids will be, we are 2 hours away, and bm is 1/2 hour away....
Thanks for all your support on this! I do feel better knowing I am not the only one who would be feeling this is too much on a 13 year old (especially since my daycare lady (adult!) said she wouldnt do it again with sd!)
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