Peer Group Therapy??

[Blue Oreo]

Hey everyone.. I have a question. My DD went to therpay the other day, and now the center wants her to try peer group therapy . This child thrives on attention and will say anything to get it in her favor , including tell horrid lies of abuse from me which isnt true . I told the cousoler of her story telling for attention and they said they would watch for it. She did this while we were in hiding for the 6 months in the safehouse . I really dont want her in this group, but the counsoler signed her up for every Monday now. I am not able to sit in on it and listen to her, cause of the new HIPA garbage . This is one reason I am not alone with her anymore, so I have a witness to cover my arse, which is sad.. no more mommy time for us.

Does anyone elses kids go to peer therapy and how did they do, is this something I should nip in the bud, or see whats gonna happen and wait and see?

[AnneM]

Blue Oreo ... I am sorry that you are going through this right now!!

This is a difficult question under these circumstances ... I think I would probably be inclined to let her go ... and see how it goes ... but I don't have any first hand experience with this so that is honestly just my own gut reaction!!

Can you remind us how old is your dd? ...

[GSDMommy]

I have to chime in here......I have a couple of questions. What does your counselor want to acheive through this therapy? Does she have a strategy for if the child uses lying as a way to get attention? How long have you been with this counselor? How much faith in her/his treatment plan do you have? Does this person have an accurate idea of where your daughter is in her life?

This sounds concerning to me personally. You have every right to be the final word on your daughter's therapy. The power balance between you and your child needs to be preserved with you in control! If she gains control by lying <mandated reporting being what it is> she ends up able to "punish" you for perceived infractions using CPS. She is gaining control now since you are having to dance around her. The therapist should be able to answer your concerns. My feeling is therapy is supposed to restore family harmony and put things to rights.

I apologize if I come across very strong on this, but I have seen where there is a general forgetfulness about what therapy's goals are supposed to be. Sometimes therapists forget that there really are kids who lie about good parents.......If you feel this will be a danger to your child or family there is no way you are forced to go through with it unless there is court involvement of some type.

[Blue Oreo]

Cass is 11 and we adopted her 3 years ago . She was used to lying to get her own way and get attention with her bio-parentsm and has not be able to shake this. The therapist is new , only our 3rd visit now since being back in town. Her old therapist is booked solid and wont be able to see her until end of the summer, so they say . She tried to throw her brother, age 7 down the stairs again last night, (he's the hemophiliac). When confronted, she did her usual, it wasnt me routine and wouldnt take blame for it AGAIN (3rd time now) . I sent her to her room, after she screamed and hollared she didnt wanna be in this family or anyones sister . So I obeyed her wishes, she wasnt allowed near anyone of us, nor be included in any family functions yesterday , it about killed her seeing us playing in the yard and doing things together. Today she tried to play me like nothing happened yesterday ;D , but the bruises on her brother are now prominant on his legs from the stairs he hit flying down them from her.

Today is the peer therapy, the therapist knows she tells lies , thank god its documented with the past 3 therapists and childrens services to cover my arse, but its still heart breaking when you pull in your driveway and there is a state car there and you just know who it is right away.

[DANIEL]

thats a tough situation, i am sorry to hear that, and you seem to be between a rock and a hard place, i am with gsd though 100%, in so much as your assertion as the controling factor in all decisions must be made clear. its a child and an adult, and the adult must be in charge, i dont know where the counsler is going with group therapy, or why your last counsler is no longer working on the case, or why you been through 3 counslers. just like doctors with my son we dont change doctors for a good reason, a lot of time would be wasted with the new doc trying to learn what took the last doc several months to figure out, and then when he/she has figured it out the doc can start trying to progress. i hope things get better for you,

[GSDMommy]

Is it possible to have the previous therapist talk to the current one and update her/him on what's going on? It may also help things if you find some way to document <I know, not fun while you are going through it> her general behavior and bring it to the therapist <the new one> and show the patterns.

I am so sorry for what you are going through!! I wish there was a trick or something to help you get through this besides "find a happy place!"

Hang in there! You have my prayers!

[Blue Oreo]

we are on our third set of docs because of moving, and one stopped thier practice due to "empty nest syndrom". The second ones were awesome, but because of a nasty divorce in the process and stalking, we were forced to go into hiding for our safety. We moved back to the old house and tried to get into the good ones and they arent taking any new patients at this time, nor are willing to take her back at this time. She is a special pay, which could be another factor too.

I too hate changing docs once I find one who will listen to ME for a change. But I think right now the one we have is ok, she is listening to me and accepting what I say. I am just kinda leary about this peer group thing with Cass. She is in denial with her behaviors and wont accept blame or remorse for it. She peer group isnt for her, atlease in my eyes. anyway.. thank you all for the tid bits of info and support.

Like I tell her, she is the child and I am the adult.. and until she is 18, has a job and moves out, its MY rules not hers, trust me.. no boundry probs here with who is in charge. She just likes to try and push them some, but gets put back in her place.

[AnneM]

Blue Oreo ..

I sure wish there was something we could say that could alleviate this completely.... Thank Goodness though that the therapist in the Group Therapy is aware that she tells lies .. !!

Let us know how it goes .....

[Amsmom]

whew, blue oreo, as if you havent been through enough!! well as long as that therapist doesnt think she is bound to report the "abuse" lies, i guess you can see how it goes. my ds9 has group therapy in school and it's more like play therapy. im not sure how they would do it with pre-teens, i guess there would be more talking. we will all cross our fingers for you. please keep us posted.

[camismom]

Blue,

Cami just finished going through a peer group at her school. It was an all girl group and they had weekly meetings. From what the counselor told me the purpose was for the girls in the group to see that they were not alone in their problems and feelings, to give them someone their own age to talk to (because they know that they understand the other better), and to help them boost their self-esteem when they see they are not the only one with the problem. She also hoped that in them talking about certain things, they would put their heads together to strategize better ways to handle the situations in the future.

I will let Cami know about this thread and get her to come here and tell her own story of how she like the group and if she found it helpful.

Take care and stay strong...

[Swim Chick]

hey as my mom said i just got thourgh with one of those peer support group things and i loved it!! and so did the other girls!! i think your duaghter will feel like she has anuff attension and not have to lie lets just hope it works good luck

[Blue Oreo]

Thanks Cami. . My only concern is she will get clues from other girls in the group on how to push my buttons and act out more . learn new behaviors to torture me with.

I am glad its working for you, I will let her try a few groups and be strict with the therapists on her behaviors in it. thanks again everyone.. keep your fingers crossed..

today is a whinny day for her, still doesnt wanna be "a sister" so she is in her room away from everyone, isolation isnt he best strong suit.