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Post by milesofsmiles on Apr 7, 2005 13:07:14 GMT -5
I have been resisting this for some time, but I think the time has come to reenlist the services of our child psychologist. The teachers have come to us pleading that something be done. You see, Nathan just refuses to do any work at school anymore. They just don't know what to do. Welcome to our world. He was doing great up until a month ago when he suddenly decided he had enough of school. For an 8 year old, he is in for a big shock. Now he does not want to go to school, does not want to do the work. Believe me, the teachers have bent over backwards to give him the attention he needs to keep on task, but he just refuses. We knew the day would come when he would start treating his teachers like he treats his family. It is like he uses you up then throws you away. Now everything is too hard for him to start, he gets easily frustrated, and he does not know how to express his feelings. Hopefully the psychologist will be able to phrase the questions in a way that he can relate to. We just can't help a "I don't know". He does not even care if he has to repeat a grade (again!). It is tough to admit that we have tried everything and are just out of answers. We have a complicated child. Boy do we ever. But we love him to death!!  Miles:) |
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Post by AnneM on Apr 7, 2005 14:17:35 GMT -5
Miles!!  As you say he may be complicated but you love him to death!! ... and THIS speaks volumes and trust me ... is HUGELY important in the bigger picture .... but I do see that RIGHT NOW it is NOT helping with the school picture!!  I know I am not giving any great help or practical suggestions but I think a trip back to the psychologist is a really good idea right now .... someone "independent" who can look at it from the "outside" ... could be JUST what is needed !! PLEASE keep us posted with how this goes ... !! |
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Post by Linda on Apr 7, 2005 14:46:16 GMT -5
 I think it is a good idea too about the Doc......but what popped in my head as I was reading your post was....Is Nathan being bullied?
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Post by gabrielsmom on Apr 7, 2005 16:11:43 GMT -5
The same thing popped into my head, Linda. Has something changed in school that he may be reacting to?....
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Post by milesofsmiles on Apr 7, 2005 16:45:52 GMT -5
That's just it. He won't talk about it to us, the teachers even his Grandmother. We talk about that all the time, and how he needs to tell a teacher or adult if he is being made fun of. Boy I wish I could be a fly on the wall at school.... No, Nathan would still spot me. Miles |
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Post by Linda on Apr 7, 2005 17:30:47 GMT -5
It's not just being made fun of or teasing. Maybe he is being physically pushed around and being told not to tell.  |
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Post by camismom on Apr 7, 2005 18:07:33 GMT -5
If the teachers are working so closely with him as you say, I would think and hope they would notice any bullying. But you never know. "He was doing fine until a month ago" does get you to wondering. Has he had a growth spurt lately that might call for an increase in meds? Anything else going on that may have cchanged his routine or structure? I'm grasping I know. Eight is awful young to decide he is finished with school, but I do so relate to the comment you made about everything being too hard to start. That is Cami too. I have always noticed how she avoids anything that is too hard for her. Anyway, I agree the psych. is a good idea. Sometimes, for whatever reason, children feel more comfortable opening up to someone they feel isn't judging them. I wish you luck with this. Keep us posted.
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Post by savvymom1 on Apr 7, 2005 18:52:00 GMT -5
Sometimes I've noticed my girls saying they are "done" with something (an activity, a club, a class, etc.) when they get overwhelmed or feel like they are in over their heads.
Perhaps now that we're nearing the end of the second school semester, studies are getting tough and he's "checking out" mentally. Just a thought.
Hang in there! I know what it's like.
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sportsmom
Member Emeritus
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Posts: 1,171
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Post by sportsmom on Apr 7, 2005 20:45:10 GMT -5
Miles I hope you can figure out what is bothering your ds. Good luck at the dr and to you and your family. |
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Post by milesofsmiles on Apr 8, 2005 16:39:19 GMT -5
Thanks for the reply. Maybe this weekend when he can get his mind of the pressures of school he will open up a little. I know what you mean that you might have to consider that he might be being told not to tell he is being bullied. But then again he is always one to tell us what happened good or bad. Hope he isn't closing that avenue down. We had a quiet evening last night and he did open up to tell us about how he deals with rough play. It seems that he holds it in and makes a mean face. Does not say a word to the person. So I could see why he lashes out at us for something that happened earlier in the day. We told him that he has to say the words too, that people might not understand just the face. He called it his mad face. Sometimes the mad face has to be accompanied by the word stop, that hurts, I did not like that.... we roll played a little last night. Hope he can recall that if something happens again. Miles |
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Post by Linda on Apr 8, 2005 18:16:02 GMT -5
I was watchimg my Jacob playing in the yard with a couple of older kids...by that I mean J is 8 and the other 2 are 10. They are kids I know from school and one of them I knew I had to keep an eye on!!!!! Well the biggest one had J in a wrestling position and was bragging to his buddy...hey look!!!! I told the older boy...look down at Jacob's face and tell me what you see. He looked and he said...I see he is afraid Ms Linda....and I said maybe you better BACK OFFI guess my point here is Jacob never would have said a word even though I was at a close distance |
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Post by AnneM on Apr 9, 2005 10:21:02 GMT -5
Sam never told me when he was being bullied as a youngster either!! ... & yet he has always been open with me about all other things ... He was bullied at age 8 and again at age 11. This is about the age 8 bullying.... I finally got told by a couple of friends of his ... (Miles ... it might well be worth speaking to some of the other kids at the school?) ... I have always found it surprising how forthcoming kids can be in these circumstances especially if asked directly and of course as long as they are not the ones doing the bullying! Part of the reasons Sam didn't tell me at that time was that he felt that "nobody could do anything" and he " Didn't want us upset" ... Once we knew of course we got straight in touch with the head teacher and it was successfully STOPPED there and then ... Sam was genuinely amazed that we were in fact really able to put a stop to it!! At the same time I was completely AMAZED that Sam hadn't told me because I thought he told me EVERYTHING!! However, I understand that when it comes to them being bullied very very few of them will speak out!!  |
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Post by george2 on Apr 9, 2005 19:40:33 GMT -5
People with ADHD see things in pictures not words. It is possible that if you asked Nathan to draw a picture of his school day with all of the classes and times in between he might tell you what you want to know with the pictures and people in the picture. You could ask him who the people in the picture are and get details of what the good parts and bad parts of the day are in the picture. Just an idea.
George
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Post by milesofsmiles on Apr 22, 2005 9:11:08 GMT -5
Well the pshc talked to all of the teachers, and read what a typical week is for us in our house and said wow, you have your hands full. Yep, we sure do. She is worried that he has some symptoms of OCD, depression and ADD as well as ODD. Wish we could turn it OFF. ;D So she recommended a child psychitrist to assess and treat the other things, while she concentrates on the ODD. He is asserting his need for control more and more at school to the point that his teachers are being treated like us parents. We told them to hold their ground, but holding our ground at home has not worked for the past 2 years. A different approach is needed and the week between appointments seems to take forever. Last week I was told that I have a lot of patience when it comes to our sons behavior. But actually our pastor in church gave me a better definition that fits all of us. We all have a lot of ENDURANCE. In the face of continuous pain and suffering, we keep going. Day after day we are willing to endure. It is not for an hour, but continuous like running a marathon. We have to see past the pain, and concentrate on the end goal. We don't give up at the first bump in the road. We endure and we love and we continue on. Control is a big issue for our son right now. This morning I witnessed him put on 4 pair of socks. I told him that they would not fit into his shoes. He was screaming and hollaring at his foot to get in there. He was stomping, pushing, and yelling for 5 minutes before he asked for help (another issue). I told him to take off two pair of socks because he tried so hard that I could not possibly get it on there. His response was nope, the only solution is to put that shoe on. He ended up putting his winter boots on (his own solution). When I asked him how he was going to get his gym shoes on at school he said that he would take off 2 pair of socks . Why would he not do that for me? Control. So we are trying to find out why he has to contol so much of his life. Is it OCD, insecurity, self esteem.....only time will tell. Miles |
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Post by camismom on Apr 22, 2005 11:05:59 GMT -5
Good luck Miles. Keep us posted on the recommendations by the doctors.... I know we could all use them!
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