My Foster Son...

[Anna]

Oh my gosh!!! I can't BELIEVE how mad I am right now at my foster son. He's on a permanent time out... at least until I calm myself down. He's doing STUPID stuff lately!! Here's what he's done within the last three days...

Somehow managed to yank a hole in my backyard fence with a frisbee large enough for him and my dogs to crawl through. (I was cooking and the older girls were supposed to be watching him)

Fed my goldfish an ENTIRE can of fish flakes and then used the lid to swirl the flakes around and try to hit the fish (while watching tv with the kids)

Used a crayon to color all over my son's bedroom walls (when he was supposed to be napping)

Used chalk (from his sister) to color all over the kiddie table (when he was mad because I wouldn't let him go outside without me)

Pooped in his pullup and took it off outside and was running around the backyard buck naked with poop smeared on his bottom (This happened while I was checking my other foster daughter's hair for lice - which she is loaded with btw)

Ate a chew bone (rawhide stick), and had three others in his hand - that he stole from my doggies. (again while I was checking for lice)

Locked my mom's puppy in the staircase of her old farmhouse (and of course my parents are on vacation and aren't available to tell me how to get this door unlocked!!!!!!!!!!) So he's stuck in there until my husband gets home from work. (I was cooking again - and no one is here to help me)

Dumped half a bag of cat food on the floor next to him for a treat (again while I was cooking dinner)

Took his pull up off and tried to stick a curtain hanger up his butt - just for fun I think... (while I was cleaning up the cat food)

And that's not counting the number of times he's peed his pants, or ran outside the front/back doors without asking us first, or gotten into the water to play, ect...

I'm thinking this child has had NO structure at his birth home, and I also think he has adhd... what do you think?

Anna

[gabrielsmom]

Hi Ann:

How old is your foster son?, How long has he been with you? Is he a special needs child?

Without having any of the answers to the above questions, all I can say is the following:

1. Perhaps he is testing you to see how far he can go with you.
2. He may come from a home that has had no structure and has perhaps not paid much attention to him or only paid attention to him when he misbehaved...He is therefore maybe trying to get your attention the only way he knows how.
3. If he has only been with you for a short while, this could be his way of trying to adjust to his new situation. We have to assume that his biological home was not a good setting for him or else he would still be there.

I suggest you arm yourself with a LOT of patience and remember that he is only a child and probably is not doing these things out of malice but simply it's the only way he knows how to get attention. I believe that time and patience will help a great deal in resolving these issues. He could be ADHD but I think that considering the kind of life he has had(and I don't think it could have been a good one) so far, that maybe ruling other issues out first would be a good first step.

I don't know if this is much help, but I hope so.

Hang in there.

Joshua

[Linda]

You can have ADHD traits but NOT be ADHD. It sounds like this little guy has been through a lot and I applaud you for taking him in your home.

Joshua has made some really good points and I am curious as to his age too.

[Blue Oreo]

OK As one Foster Parent to another.. GET CHILD LOCKS pronto!!!!! While cooking, delegate one OLDER child to be his exclusive bodygaurd and follow his every move for his safety and your licence safety!! I had one of those types here with me. I couldnt move without him being up to something or damaging items . Second, document all damages he does, they will have to re-emburse your for this, its allowable under the fostercare guidelines. Third, forbid him to be around, touch or think about your pets and pet items . The rawhides are pigskin and contain salmenella bacterias, again have an older child make sure he isnt eating one, can cause serious problems and even death in extreme cases . I suggest gettting a small roll of chicken wire and patch your fence, you dont need to chase after an escaped dog or child, use bailing wire to mount it and twist hard, its works, I just did two acres worth in my backyard to keep mine inside the "safe area". FOURTH, get him a doc appt, sound like a severe case of ADHD to me, or there isnt enough things around your house to stimulate his little wild mind. Hang in there, things do get better, set up strict rules and force him to follow or he will run all over you, be nice "auntie" later when it calls for it . BUT dont let him push you around or do those things. GOOD LUCK HUN..

[DANIEL]

you should be cannonized. dear god, i dont know what to say, that you can deal with that much in such a short time, you really are awesome. i hope things get better.

[Anna]

Thanks guys for the support and advice! This little man is three years old. Would post more, but he's going near the other computer as we speak...

Anna