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Post by HooDunnit on Nov 4, 2004 18:05:46 GMT -5
A sophisticated lady went into an expensive restaurant. Before sitting, she asked her waiter, "Do you serve crabs here, sir?"
The waiter replied, "Yes ma'am, we serve anybody in here. Please have a seat."
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Post by Allanque on Nov 4, 2004 19:03:23 GMT -5
The Coo-Coo Clock
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the guys."
I told my wife that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!"
Well, the hours passed and the beers went down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly realizing my wife would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with her.
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her Midnight. She didn't seem disturbed at all. (Whew! Got away with that one!)
Then she said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "oh, crap," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted."
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Post by rosyred45 on Nov 4, 2004 21:00:50 GMT -5
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Post by Linda on Nov 4, 2004 21:18:11 GMT -5
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Post by rosyred45 on Nov 5, 2004 7:00:30 GMT -5
Two nuns walk into a bar, the third one ducked ;D
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Post by Linda on Nov 5, 2004 7:16:50 GMT -5
When the blind leads the blind........get out of the way!
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Post by HooDunnit on Nov 5, 2004 12:36:01 GMT -5
Someone told me this one this morning. lol
" During sex my wife likes to talk to me. Last night she phoned from a hotel."
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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Post by Linda on Nov 5, 2004 13:47:19 GMT -5
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Post by HooDunnit on Nov 5, 2004 14:54:42 GMT -5
Another Dangerfield joke:
"When I was born, the doctor slapped my mother!"
(because I was so ugly . . . )
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Post by Linda on Nov 5, 2004 21:01:33 GMT -5
I loved Rodney Dangerfield....he always made me laugh the way he would jerk his body around.It is sad that he has passed.
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Post by camismom on Nov 5, 2004 21:04:45 GMT -5
Since this is part of my trade (and southerners have reps of being "rednecks") I thought I'd share this with y'all:
RedNeck Compute Lingo:
"Hard drive" -- Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
"Keyboard" ---- Place to hang your truck keys.
"Window" ------ Place in the truck to hang your guns.
"Floppy" ------ When you run out of Polygrip.
"Modem" ------- How you got rid of your dandelions.
"ROM" --------- Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
"Byte" -------- First word in a kiss-off phrase.
"Reboot" ------ What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
"Network" ----- Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
"Mouse" ------- Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
"LAN" -------- To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."
"Cursor" ------ What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.
"bit" --------- A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."
"digital control" -- What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
"packet" ------ What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip
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Post by rosyred45 on Nov 5, 2004 22:05:53 GMT -5
Christy has been spying at my house  |
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Post by camismom on Nov 5, 2004 23:42:32 GMT -5
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Post by finnmom on Nov 8, 2004 9:49:14 GMT -5
LOL Christy, those were good one´s ;D
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