Post by rosyred45 on Oct 25, 2004 17:35:10 GMT -5
Thought this was hilarious, go tit in an e-mail the other day and finally got around to checking it 
> Guys' Rules
>
> At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys'
> side of the story.
> (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
>
> We always hear "the rules"
> from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are
> our rules!
> Please note... these are all numbered "1"
> ON PURPOSE!
>
> 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
> down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
> you leaving it down.
>
> 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
> it be.
>
> 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
> way.
>
> 1. Crying is blackmail.
>
> 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
> work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
> Just say it!
>
> 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
>
> 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
> we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
> 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
>
> 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
> all comments become null and void after 7 days.
>
> 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
> act like soap opera guys.
>
> 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
> Don't ask us.
>
> 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
> makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>
> 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
> Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
>
> 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
> commercials.
>
> 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
>
> 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
> example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
> what mauve is.
>
> 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
> 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's
> wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
>
> 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
> don't want to hear.
>
> 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
> fine...Really.
>
> 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
> such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
>
> 1. You have enough clothes.
>
> 1. You have too many shoes.
>
> 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
>
> 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
> tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
>
> Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
>
> Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!!
> Guys' Rules
>
> At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys'
> side of the story.
> (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
>
> We always hear "the rules"
> from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are
> our rules!
> Please note... these are all numbered "1"
> ON PURPOSE!
>
> 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
> down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
> you leaving it down.
>
> 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
> it be.
>
> 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
> way.
>
> 1. Crying is blackmail.
>
> 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
> work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
> Just say it!
>
> 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
>
> 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
> we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
> 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
>
> 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
> all comments become null and void after 7 days.
>
> 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
> act like soap opera guys.
>
> 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
> Don't ask us.
>
> 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
> makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>
> 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
> Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
>
> 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
> commercials.
>
> 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
>
> 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
> example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
> what mauve is.
>
> 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
> 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's
> wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
>
> 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
> don't want to hear.
>
> 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
> fine...Really.
>
> 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
> such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
>
> 1. You have enough clothes.
>
> 1. You have too many shoes.
>
> 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
>
> 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
> tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
>
> Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
>
> Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!!
