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Post by babytay on Feb 9, 2004 16:40:29 GMT -5
I have been reading posts on and off for that last few days. I havent put anything out here because I am going crazy. I have gotten lots of good help out here but I guess I keep going wrong somewhere with my son. He is 8 and I wanted to try natural methods I even tried feingold for a while. I feel like a total failure because I cant follow the diet good enough. I have tried to study books and things like other parents out here but I dont have time. I work and have two other children it takes so much time. I know I sound like I am a big baby but I feel like running away. I cant handel going in the school anymore because I dread what will be said. I refuse to buy another pair of gloves or hat or book or shirt my boy is missing one everyday. Noone in my family or a friend can understand what I am going through. I know I probably need some help myself but I dont even have time to seek it for myself. I really dont think anyone can really give me an answer to my problem right now. I guess I just needed to put this out here so someone can see what I am going through. I know I am rambling but these few lines have made me feel like I have gotten a little off my chest. Well I dont know if anyone will read this that is familier with my situation but I think I am going to go back to using meds for my son. We are going to the doctor in a couple of weeks. I feel so bad but what else can I do.
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Post by Linda on Feb 9, 2004 17:06:15 GMT -5
Well someone has read this and I am really sorry for everything you are going through.You know you are a good mom,but there are times that it seems like our kids are sucking the life out of us.
You do what you need for your son...and please take care of yourself too.I hope you are feeling a little bit better now.
We KNOW what you are going through,most of us have been there.
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Post by babytay on Feb 9, 2004 17:24:42 GMT -5
Yes thankyou for your thoughts. I didnt want to get everyone feeling sorry for me I just need to let someone know what I am going through. I also kind of feel more at home talking with people out here than with my own family. It seems like you guys really understand. Maybe I shouldnt stay away from the forum so long. it seems like my prayers,God and this forum is helping me from going completely insane.
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Post by catseye on Feb 9, 2004 18:06:01 GMT -5
Babytay, I wanted to respond earlier but had to get off quick cause of the dang boss!
I know the drained feeling you are haveing, and oh I know the school fear... Take a hot bath, with bubbles and try to enjoy a few minutes for yourself... It seems when I can take a few minutes for myself (pampered and NO KIDS) I can look more objectively at stuff...
AND BTW you are NOT a failure of any kind... We have been handed alot on our plates, and none of our kids (or any kids for that matter) came with a manual on what is right or wrong for them... Just keep doing the best you can, and please try to get some "me" time... Good luck, we are here for you, and you are not alone...
cat
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Post by mom2tj on Feb 9, 2004 18:07:38 GMT -5
baytay, we dont feel sorry for you we understand you.... you have to try to make time for yourself it will make dealing with him and life challanges easyer if you do... and its not true that none of your friends understand... your web-friends do ;D
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Post by GSDMommy on Feb 9, 2004 18:41:20 GMT -5
BabyTay,
I think everyone with or without special needs kids has felt like they are working on fumes.....I know I have burst into tears in the principal's office, I have lost it in front of people who seem to refuse to understand that EVERY child isn't exactly alike. My oldest child takes the most out of me, you can feel the energy run out of you when he hugs you. I know I am not crazy on this point, because other people have mentioned it as well.
It is totally OK to feel run over by life. We have all felt like checking into the Bahamas with no forwarding address......it is totally normal. Meds are not a demonstration of failure, they are simply another tool in our arsenal. You have tried the natural method, it is effective for some kids. Meds are not a magic pill, they help. It is a personal choice and in the end if something works to help your child get through life without feeling like a failure then you are an unqualified success! We all do whatever we can and no one can tell you how to feel or how you should take life or anything like that. Feel tired and unhappy, it's OK. Feel what you're feeling and let it out. Bubble baths are wonderful ideas.....especially if you can use a towel right out of the dryer afterwards!! Drink your water and take deep breaths....this too shall pass.
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Post by mctavish23 on Feb 9, 2004 19:05:31 GMT -5
Hi, I obviously don't know you but I believe you are a good parent.If you weren't you wouldn't belong to this forum or be expressing your concerns.I think what you're going thru sounds a lot like what other ADHD kid's parents report everyday. Please don't let the "Bad Parent" myth about ADHD get to you.  One of the things I've recently learned was very interesting in terms of treating ADHD. What was presented at a conference was data from a study that showed the #1 most important indicator of success or failure for using behavior modification with hyperactive kids , was whether or not the parents treated their own ADHD. The assumption here is that most (80%) of ADHD's are born with it and that they inherited from one parent or the other. Whether you agree or disagree with those data, the basic point makes common sense at least. If, for example, a parent with untreated ADHD tries to consistently implement a behavior modification program, it will lkely fail because of that. I'm not insinuating anyone here is or isnt ADHD. I just thought you might find that as interesting as I did. Meanwhile, please hang in there and try and be good to yourself because no one is harder on you than you are yourself. Take care' mctavish23(Robert) |
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Post by kstquilter on Feb 9, 2004 19:09:51 GMT -5
babytay,
the other's are right, we don't feel sorry for you but we do understand. well actually i do feel sorry for you but in a sympathic way, not pity. we've all been there, being worn out, not knowing what else to do, feeling like a failure, dreading school, etc.
just do what you feel is best for your son, yourself and your family. you know best what that is.
be sure to take care of yourself as well.
karen
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Post by AustinsMom on Feb 9, 2004 23:11:37 GMT -5
babytay, sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed right now. I know what a bottomless place that feels like. And please don't beat yourself up over not being able to stick with the diet or other natural stuff. All you can do is the best you can do. You should make sure you don't compare your situation to others. I'm struggling to keep with the diet and natural stuff and I only work 20 hours a week and have just one child at home! I don't know how I would do it if I was in your situation either. Besides, I don't think you should think of it as an all or none thing. Maybe you didn't stick with the diet 100%; but as you were trying you probably fed him food that was a little bit healthier for him, so pat yourself on the back for that. And even if you use meds, you can still give him vitamins and omega 3's if you want. So I would vote for you giving yourself a break. Know you are doing the best you can in a difficult situation. And you can always pick out a small goal to go along with the meds...like the vitamins. Just pick something you feel like will fit in your lifestyle and go for it. And don't beat yourself up if you can't be perfect. Believe me, none of us are:-)
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Post by loveforeric on Feb 11, 2004 14:11:56 GMT -5
Babytay; I agree that we don't feel sorry for you however we totally understand. I am going thru the same kind of helpless feeling you are. You are a great parent who obviously loves their child so much. I wish I had great answers for you about how to get through this. I am trying to take it one day at a time right now. You are doing the best that you can and that is what is important. There is no failure in trying to help your child. Not everything works for everyone. I do know, however, that when I don't visit the site, even to just read the posts. I can see a difference in my resilency. I have found these people to be my friends and companions through this rocky journey. Without whom I can feel lost. I know you don't have much time in your day. But when you do come in and we will be here for you. ((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))) Have a more peaceful day, Christina |
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Post by finnmom on Feb 12, 2004 13:48:56 GMT -5
Babytay Even with the risk of sounding like an broken recorder ;D, hear this; I know how you feel, as all the other´s in here! there are days that I spend dreaming of an vacation just for me, no kid´s no hubby, no one! ;D Obviously it will not happend ;D But nobody can stop me dreaming  weather you select to try med´s or not, you havent failed at all! You are a good mother, give yourself some time and then make your decision! Good luck! Marja |
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Post by rosyred45 on Feb 12, 2004 19:07:06 GMT -5
(I know it's been a couple of days since the initial posting, but it's been a little busy around here) Babytay, I am echoing everyone else. Know that you are loved and valued, not only by your family, but by us. Everyone does different things to remedy situations. We don't medicate, not even for headaches. But you need to do what you need to do. The feingold works for us, but I have found a few things that I WILL TOLERATE if Mikey eats them.  Remember, if God brought you to it, God will bring you through it. Kaiti |
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Post by LitlBaa on Feb 14, 2004 21:20:06 GMT -5
I think we've all been there or are there right now! You obviously care about your son, you're learning what you can about his ADHD and how best to deal with it. Don't feel bad about the meds, you just have to find what works best for your son. All our kids are different, have different tolerances to meds or supplements, some things work and some things don't. Trying your best to help him just shows how much you love him.
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Post by catatonic on Feb 17, 2004 8:20:22 GMT -5
Babytay, I KNOW how hard you've been trying. Don't beat yourself up. I've been at that point myself where I feel like chucking it all in because it's too much blasted work and I don't know why it's all gone wrong!!! Luckily, those phases are always temporary.
We don't use meds at all and have not found it necessary. That doesn't mean everyone is going to have the same results. It doesn't mean you've failed in any way if it hasn't worked for you. You've tried...and I urge you to keep trying at least until it's time for your boy's doctor appointment...and you've learned from your experience so in the end you're more informed and can make more knowledgeable decisions. Your son benefits from that, and so do you!
Only you can decide the best thing for your child -- and for your own sanity. You're doing the best you can, and nobody can ask more of you than that. Hang in there.
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