don't know where to turn

[pamom21]

AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Just needed to let that out.
I am so frustrated with not being able to find the right person to help my daughter!
I have a 10 year old who was diagnosed by a school pshychologist, in 2001, with ADHD and "a learning disability." We were living in NY at the time were told get her on medicine. Could not find any other answers there and ended up seeing a developmental pediatrician in Orlando who my sis in law works for. He read over the tests and put her on Adderall. We did see an improvment and she was doing much better in school until this year. (we moved to Florida in 2002). The DR. upped the Adderall and said see you in 3 months. Well, I got tired of the "see you in 3 months" and switched her to my other kids Ped. near home. On the increased dose of ADD she struggled more in math and writing. We felt she was more impulsive and aggressive with her siblings. The new Ped bumped her med back down and gave me some places to go to for testing.
The first place will not even give an appoinment until you complete a packet that the DR. reviews ad decides if she should be seen. The second place had a snot on the phone who made me feel like an idiot, they don't deal with insurance and it's $465 for the evaluation and $265 to discuss the otucome of the eval, and additional for testing.
I was frustrated and did not call the 3rd place because I don't knowwhat she needs. I can't believe the only answer is to keep writing a script for Adderall.
Of course my frustration has increased recently with the media comments made regarding parents who give their children meds for ADHD. In other words I am a bad person.
I just want to help my daughter stop struggling.
JoAnn

[Linda]

JoAnn and welcome First of all you are not a bad parent for wanting to help your child.

You might want to try the Natural Alternatives area on the forum or you could suggest to the Dr, a different med. All children react differently to meds. What may work for one child might not work for another.Adderall does make some kids more aggressive.

Again Welcome...Linda

[mothercat]

You are not a bad parent...a bad parent is one who totally ignores their child and refuses to face or do anything about what is going on with their child. Tom Cruise would not be an example of a good parent.. ;D

A good parent worries and frets and takes their child to the doctor and cares about what is going on...a good parent asks for advice and help... I know ..off the box..

[finnmom]

JoAnn, like linda and M/C have already said: YOU`RE NOT A BAD PARENT. Only good parent´s would question the doc´s opinion´s and seek for other answers

Like been said; each child is his/her own, some med´s work for some, it´s an trial and error to find the right one....even then you might find out that there is no really effective med for your child.... I´ve read a lot of agressiviness with addera, so it´s not uncommon reaction for thatl...

We have lot´s of info in our alternative section....you might want to take a look at there.... behavioural modification´s can help....

Welcome to our forum´s, in here you´ll pretty soon find out that you´re not a bad parent and you´re not alone with this. We all have been there done that, please shearch around here and vent when ever you want to.

[Kaiti]

:)Welcome Home

I can understand the bad parent thing as well. We wonder on some days if we did wrong in making our choices.

BUT as long as we try to help our son (who is 8 today, and we haven't duct taped him to a chair yet ;D) we can wait and see what we have done.

There are alot of alternatives to one medication. There are other medications, alternative therepies, herbal routes, etc. We don't medicate, but we do eliminate artificail colors, flavors, and preservatives. We were strict about other things, but have let up since school is out.

I do have to say we may be going back to strict if this child keeps it up ;D

Take care and come visit often

[tridlette]

VENT all you want with us! We have been there, and still do come in to vent at times!

Our favorite smiley post is:

I would rather share that ugly face of mine with teachers and doctor offices than with my kids... so that is when I get out the broom!

My oldest is almost 15, and he was on Adderall for about 3 1/2 yrs. before he got nasty on it. He is now on no meds, and there are many days I can't wait for him to be old enough to enlist in the Army! He wants to, and I am ready to see if THEY can get through to him! ;D

Remember when you were pregnant, or a new mom, and every one had advice on how to do something? And after about 3 weeks, you decided to do it your own way and ignore all the "experienced" moms out there? None of them were experienced with YOUR child, and only you had the patience and love to figure the kid out. That is the way it is. No one else has the same keen interest in your child as you do.

So, take a deep breath, scream all you want, and then make a new game plan.

And you want to try to have 3 game plans ready... these kids learn FAST to test each plan! They are smarter than we are... maybe that is our fault... we let our kids be smart!

You can do it, we all can do it... but some days it is easier to close your bedroom door and ignore the world, isn't it? (too bad the kids are still bouncing around... like Kaiti's Mikey is today on his birthday!)

Do a lot of looking around here. If you don't find what you are looking for, ask the question. Kaiti and I THINK we have asked all the dumb questions, and we probably have, but I think she has gone back and deleted some of her " Dumber" ones! (Kaiti and I like to tease each other about the dumb questions)

Ask what you want... we never mind answering questions and giving suggestions. If it weren't for the senior members when we joined, we wouldn't have stayed here to learn what we have. You will learn also, and before long, you will have a greater confidence in yourself.

Again,

Laurie

[Linda]

Hey...I still ask " DUMB" questions ;D ;D ;D How are you supposed to learn if you don't ask questions?

[Jorgy]

Welcome!!! We, here, have all felt like "bad" parents at one time or another. None of us are and neither are you. We are doing the best we can in a system that is misinformed and judgemental. Quite truthfully, the best advise and information I have gotten throughout the years has been from the REAL experts, the other parents that deal with this daily.
We all get frustrated but we have no choice but to struggle on. Many times we have to get out our brooms and witches hats and go to work. Many times we have to be the bad guy and PUSH, PUSH, PUSH!
My son is ADHD and also has learning disabilities to overcome. He has an auditory and visual processing disorder and that is not uncommon in ADHD kids. Were you told what learning disorder your daughter has?
I finally got sick and tired of playing with the meds that weren't totally helping so I went on my own to an audiologist, a speech therapist and an occupational therapist for evalutions. That is were I got all my info. I also switched from our psych to a child neuropsych. They deal not only with the ADHD but with the learning problems also. I am not trusting the public school system's evaluation system anymore as I was getting no answers there. Also things get really political with that system. At least where I am it does.
Find out what your insurance will pay for and start "picking brains". You are not the only one in your area with this same diagnosis and problem. Find the other parents and us them for resources.
And by all means use us and pick our brains too. We all come here to learn from each other and to support and laugh and cry and even scream with each other. That is the beauty of this site!
God bless and good luck, Sue

[milesofsmiles]

JoAnn,

As you can see from the above posts we are all in the same boat. Battling day after day to give our children the best life they can have. We see their potential, now we need help to bring it out of them. The route we went throught for referrals was throught the school. The school psychologist was very helpful in giving us names of psychiatrists and psychologist that other students were seeing. We ended up waiting several months until we got in to see the psychiatrist of our choice and it is over an hour away. What we found out when we sat down with her was her ability to take the typical behaviors we saw every day and put them into bins as relevant and not relavent.

One thing we took out of this visit was that Adderal is the "big gun" of ADHD medicine. Once you give this, it is hard to go back to a less "potent" medicine and get some satisfying results. So if your child has only mild traits of ADD/HD, it could be that she is over medicated. Our psychiatrist seemed implicate like we were at fault for the medication path we took. It was not our fault, we were only following what the pediatritian and psychologist felt were the best medicines for our son.

Yes, I share your frustration in a search for the right answers. Education and your gut feeling go a long way in developing your childs well being.

Miles

[Amsmom]

jo ann,
welcome to our forum family, we are so glad you're here!!
please listen to what everyone is saying here...you are NOT a bad parent! you love your daughter and want to help her have the best life she can have.
are you in orlando or another part of florida? i have a great dr in miami if youre anywhere near there.

[george2]

JoAnn,

First off, There are people all over the world that believe they are the mold for the human race. These are the ones that feel that giving medication to a person that benefits from it is wrong. They think that everyone is just like them and could never need things they don't need. The good thing is that we don't have to adhere to their ignorance of almost everything that exists. Tell them, "How dare you try to choose a life for my child that makes things difficult." The medication makes thing easier for people with ADHD. The things that seem hard to deal with seem to become smaller with the medication. You are doing a good job. Keep being a good mom and don't let the jerks make you feel bad.
George

[mskris]

JoAnn:

If you weren't a great parent, you wouldn't be here asking questions. We're all in the same boat, as Miles said.

I chose to go to a private peds neurologist with my son at age 6 when it became apparent that he had issues both at home and at school. We liked him and things went relatively well for quite a while, though we tried several different medications to find the right one (which turned out to be strattera for our ds).

Then our neurol shut his practice and we went back to the drawing board. I, too, had trouble finding a good caregiver who could get him an appt within one year! I finally found a developmental pediatrician locally. We had to wait 3 mos to get an appt. but that occurred last month and I LOVE this woman! UNfortunately, she takes NO insurance and we're paying a fortune out of pocket to have him evaluated, etc. (so far it's $1200 and going up!) However, he's our SON and we want what's best for him and I think this practitioner is wonderful and will really help.

Interestingly, she diagnosed him with Tourette's syndrome (which we knew, dh has it), with the comorbidity of ADHD (primarily inattentive). She is really big on advocating with the schools and she told me to go ahead and have the school test him so he can qualify for an IEP (he already has a 504 Plan, but IEPs carry more weight and he only has one more year of elementary school).

So, it might be worth the wait to find the right person to evaluate/diagnose your daughter. The good ones are in demand!

Best of luck to you.
Kris