Does Anyone here do Family therapy?

[StrugglingAgain]

I hate to say this, but my husband DOES back me up, though ds only calls me names and has this horrid behavior when dh isn't home or is out of earshot. For several years my ds called me dork a**. Lately, it's a little better, freakin' butt head. (At least he doesn't hit me anymore or throw things at me.) This is an every day, all day, occurrance. NOt something that happens once in awhile. I used to think he couldn't help it, but I realized (duh!) that he doesn't behave this way to my neighbor, or his teacher, or his grown sister, or his father. SO, it must be something he can control. It's more than an impulse. Maybe something else is going on, so I'm glad we're going to a new therapist next week. I hate starting over, but the last one was getting us no where and I'm SO tired of crying every day over his treatment of me. We adopted him at birth to make a difference in his life AND ours.....he's made a difference, alright...........

[savvymom1]

I am so sorry to hear this happens frequently. I agree--if my dd can control herself around dad, teachers, friends, why is she doing this to me?

Both of my daughters are adopted. Are they insecure? This is so hard!

[Kaiti]

Struugling, you've hit a knick.

The next time he acts up, ask him why he is. Point out to him he doesn't to it to anyone else, so why does he do it to you, ask him point blank. and DON'T accept, I DON"T KNOW or JUST BECAUSE or I FEEL LIKE IT.

Get to the bottom of it. I had to do that with my little attitude, oops, I mean daughter. Found out she was jealous of Mikey, because she thought I was going with Mikey all the time and not her. I told her it wasn't fun going in all the time because he was in trouble.

One thing my mom used to do was remind us that Dad will be home in such and such an amunt of time, and if we didn't straighten up, he'd find out about it

Um, I don't ever remember my dad yelling at us too many times....we listened to mom.

Good luck

[Amsmom]

struggling again
you and i have had similar experiences with our boys. they are the same age and both exhibit similar behaviors toward us only. my ds also lies on the floor next to my bed and he begs to get in the bed with me. when i put him to bed in his bed, he asks me to put my arm around him till he falls asleep (that i dont mind, i find it endearing). but the conflicting behaviors, hugging and kissing me so much and then speaking to me in a rude, unacceptable tone, has me baffled. he also used to hit me and throw things at me, beginning at age 17 months. i already know that he feels the "safest" around me, but that just doesnt cut it.

one thing i really want to stress to you is for you to go to therapy ALONE. you need to have a place where you can talk freely and openly about how much your ds stresses you out and how hard it is to parent him. i swear if i didnt have my therapist to talk to, i wouldnt be here right now. please consider it.

who is the dr who prescribes your ds's meds? i think you told me before he is on risperdal. sorry i dont remember for sure. it does sound, as you said, that it's time for a med eval. please keep us posted.

[Kaiti]

Oh YES, definately have a time for you :-XJust because you can vent here doesn't replace the one on one that someone can have when you bend their ear while looking at them. Especially since they might be able to read more from you.....body language, etc.

Thanks for pointing that out Amsmom.

Struggling again, Good luck and blessings

[Linda]

StrugglingAgain...Did you manage to get an appointment with someone?

[StrugglingAgain]

Amsmom, how old is your ds? Are your son and mine twins? From the time ds could walk he started throwing things at me. He finally quit doing that a few years ago, but he still swings at me like he's going to hit me. DS gets in bed with us every single night to go to sleep. I don't put my arm around him, but he DOES put his arm around me. After I can no longer stand the heat (his body heat is very, very hot), I wake him just enough that he crawls into his sleeping bag on the hardwood floor beside the bed. I refuse to make it very comfortable for him. The instant I open my eyes in the morning (5:00 AM) there he is (awake and ready to go)! I seldom get ONE cup of coffee before we are off on another adventuresome day! I am totally stymied that he can appear so loving once second, then call me names the next.

After reading your post, I almost cried with relief that there is ONE person who sounds like they are going through exactly what I am. I've never had my own therapist, though. Maybe this new one will suggest that he and I talk alone periodically. We will be seeing him on Thursday afternoon. DS is on four medications. He takes Ritalin LA, Clonidine, Focalin and Risperdal. He IS growing (finally), so could be that he needs a med change. He's already at the max for Ritalin LA and the Risperdal, so if it's changed, we'll be starting all over from scratch with something. I dread the thought.

Thanks so much for posting. I need a comrade. This parenting is hard. I have/had three children, but all three were so far apart it was like having three "only" children. Now I only have two...dd is 34, ds is 9.

[Amsmom]

oh honey, i am here for you anytime!!
my ds is 9, his bday is in january.
when you go to the new dr, please tell him you would like to come to therapy alone. dont wait for him to ask. i would strongly recommend asking the new dr about discontinuing the ritalin. sounds like your ds may have a mood disorder, as my ds does. he is unable to take any stims, as they increase all his negative behaviors. imho, the ritalin is negating any good effects the risperdal could be providing. my ds is on deapkote for mood stabilization, risperdal for aggression and elavil for mood and focus.

i am sooo glad you have an appt for thurs. that is just day after tomorrow. please keep me (us) posted on how you are doing. here's a big hug for strength

[Linda]

And here is another hug I feel positive about this...keep us updated.

[tridlette]

Sorry to jump in so late...

I found this site (the old one actually) when I couldn't get in to the therapist OFTEN enough! Once a week just wasn't cutting it for us. Michael threw a fully loaded book bag at me when he was in 4th grade. My girl friend was visiting at the time and she was "appalled" that DH didn't come to my rescue. He replied, "Some day he is going to behave like that when I am not around, and Laurie is going to have to protect herself. He can't be allowed to think that I am the only one who can discipline around here!"

The rest of us benefitted from family therapy, but Michael exhibited the profound ODD symptoms while there. He hid inside his hoody sweat shirt the whole time and threatened me with every word he spoke. The therapist verbally halted Michael in his tracks right then and there, but it only worked while we were in his office.

Now that he is in high school, and the ROTC program, he still verbally abuses me at times, but his temper is more even keeled. I can de~escalate him myself more frequently now. I used to try humor to calm him down and discipline him...

I actually caught myself doing that last week when Patrick left the front door open. I was yelling, "you broke two windows already this winter, and the picture window leaks more air than your head, and now you leave the door open too! GRRR!" We all started laughing, he got up and closed the door, and has been closing the door regularly now!


But now, with ROTC and High School, he just ignores me most of the time, except when he needs help (last night he came to me to talk because his long distance girl friend had a classmate commit suicide). He wanted to know what to say to her, how to support her... kind of made me feel USEFUL!

MAKE SURE YOU DO ASK for your own appt. My doctor refused to treat me and my son... conflict of interest... but he made recommendations. It was wise, because then my doctor didn't have preconceived ideas about him.