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Post by Danielle on Nov 18, 2004 11:03:23 GMT -5
I have been with my spouse for 8 years.. 4 years ago spouse was diagnosed with ADHD.. went on medication.. after years of taking the meds.. the side effects were causing major hardships in the relationship.. spouse stopped taking medication. Now I don't know what is worse.. the side effects or trying to live with someone who had this disorder?.. or maybe I just don't understand.. TBH.. I am tired of hearing.. I forgot and the constant blurrting of comments with no thought before them.. or consideration on how the actions effect other ppl.... any advice is welcome.. I am to the point now where I just avoid saying anything..
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Post by finnmom on Nov 18, 2004 11:56:52 GMT -5
Danielle, welcome!! I´am sorry you´re having such a hard time with your spouse! Has he tried different medication´s, or just one ? Did all med´s cause the side effect´s ? Has he tried any alternative´s? Sorry, I seem to be on my question-roll right now. I´am sorry I can´t help you more, than tell you to take care of yourself. Do you get any help from relative´s or someone professional? I think it´s very important to think about you right now, if you feel too tired for the situation, you are not able to help your spouce or yourself eather  Take care, Danielle!!! |
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Post by rosyred45 on Nov 18, 2004 11:57:52 GMT -5
Welcome Danielle, I am sorry to hear your situation. What kind of med was your husband on? My husband and I are both very hyper, but it works for us and neither of us is on any med, but there are days, let me tell ya  If you haven't seen already, there is a medication section where you might be able to find information concerning different meds. I am here more for my son, but it saves my sanity too ;)We currantly see no need to medicate, BUT we do however follow the Feingold program. There is information in that in the natural alternatives section. or you can go directly there www.feingold.orgThis has helps us tremendously, especially when my son who is 7, decides he doesn't need to stop talking because the silence kills him And can I ask what the side effects of the med was as well? Look around and if you need anything else, just ask |
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Post by eaccae on Nov 18, 2004 12:09:22 GMT -5
Welcome, Danielle. I am responding as a mom to an adhd child a wife to an adhd husband and am add myself.
The first thing I want you to know is that it is probably as hard for your husband as it is for you. Speaking for myself- my executive dysfunction and anxiety, and other such things can bring me into periods of mild depression. I don't like how it feels to not be able to remember things, or focus or organize . . . but it something that I CANNOT control. I have tried many different tools, I am fully aware of my "issues" and it can be very painful to me.
My suggestion is if it is really getting to you - perhaps marriage counseling or counseling for the two of you with someone that specializes in adult adhd. Your husband has stopped meds - does he go in for therapy at all? Perhaps if the two of you go in and discuss the issues, an expert may be able to give you both some tools to help relieve it a little.
Make a list of all of the reasons you fell in love with and married your husband. Sometimes the problems we go through can so overshadow everything else - it gets lost. (Sometimes some of the things that draw you to a person are some of the things that can make you crazy too!)
I hope some of this helps.
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Post by rosyred45 on Nov 18, 2004 12:24:05 GMT -5
Eaccae, thanks for reminding me of the therapy, I forgot to mention that one.
Even to sit down and have a good long talk with each other might help. My husband and I do that all the time.
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Post by HooDunnit on Nov 18, 2004 13:54:35 GMT -5
I agree with eaccae, although men can sometimes feel threatened by that. I just noticed that eaccae is sort of like a mirror reflection of eac / cae. Maybe there is a message in that?
One thing that helped my ADHD-son a lot was exercise. He could be better focused and less verbally impulsive for 3 to 4 hours after a good (45 minute) aerobic workout. So he was in gymnastics and Hapkido for many years. He is 18 now. But even walking is great. That is what I do -- a couple of miles or more every day.
Welcome to our forums!
Barry
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Post by tridlette on Nov 18, 2004 15:38:46 GMT -5
Welcome, Danielle!
I think there is no one simple answer. I am the partner with the ADHD, and it drives him nuts! I can't carry on a conversation long enough to make any progress with arguments or discussions! I can't stay focused. I feel awful, because I know I drive my whole family nuts with my distractibility, but I can't help it.
When we have something really important to "argue" about, or discuss... we seem to do best with writing notes to each other. We can say what we want, without interruptions and get everything covered. Then the other one replies back, answers every issue, and adds a few more issues, and then another note again.
It may not work for everyone, but it has held us together for 17 1/2 yrs.
Maybe just make a list for yourself, decide which are the most important issues, and start working together on them. When you can accept the results of the first issues, then work down the list to the next most important things.
Take little steps, we can't change overnight, and we need LOTS of reminders of what is most important to our loved ones. Just give us "one more chance to get it right" is the mantra in my house!
Little steps and lots of redirection. And come here for lots of understanding and advice.
Laurie
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