communication

[SKay]

I've been thinking about this a lot lately--what is the difference between the way men and women view communication? Why is it that women generally are better communicators than men? Is it not important to men? Do they just lack the followthrough or skills to keep communication going? I guess it's harder for men to discuss their feelings. Does discussing them make them feel too vulnerable or is it just hard to put things into words? I think for our security we women need to know how others feel.

[rosyred45]

Alright, let me see if I can relate what my husband said.

[glow=red,2,300]IT'S AN EGO THING [/glow]

I know, shocker there ::)He said that there have been times when he knows that he is right, and he WON'T back down. He said he also knows when he knows he's right and doesn't want the fight or the arguement, so he'll wait till I calm down.

He is actually a very good communicator, so I can't say he isn't. He might not word everything properly, but I know where he is coming from. So from there, I try to help him with his wording, if he is being exact-that counts alot in being correct and justified.

He says that too many guys use their ego to do the talking, which he doesn't do. He is honest, sometimes brutily so, but HONEST all the same. I have seen too many people exaggerate things to appreciate it. I hate it.

I would rather have him tell me :Hey Honey, the bottoms a little round :othen for me to walk around thinking I'm something to look at just to satisfy my ego.

Does that make sense? When we sit down for a heart to heart, I don't expect him to choose between a Steelers game and me....I can kiss that goodbye :PI lost, but rather wait for a time that is best for us, not me, not him, US. That way we hear what the other is saying and can try to work off of that.

Oh and stop thinking, your making my head hurt

[SKay]

I've been planning to talk to DH about his view, but . . . well . . . I guess we don't communicate well. ;D

[rosyred45]

When "You know what" comes out of either of our mouths, there's bound to be at least an hour long conversation.

If I'm in a particularly goofy mood, I'll call him on all that he says. "Well, what if" ;DHe thinks its funny at first, then it starts to edge on him

So eventually I stop erking him, sometimes

[HooDunnit]

I suppose that it is hard for a woman to say to her husband that she wants to talk to him or have better communication with him, without it sounding like she is disappointed with him. But the fact is that she might be disappointed. It seems that many men don't talk, or talk about different things.

Barry

[rosyred45]

I know I've seen some couples that only really talk when it is about something negative. Mike and I don't do that. These same people try to do and do, but never get anywhere because they aren't truly happy with what they have or with their spouse.

Whether it is material possessions or whatever, they are never satisfied because they try to one up the other or just do what they feel like doing reguardless of the consequenses that will hurt the spouse. Either way they are in a me world.

I can give you an example, a couple we know are very nice people, but they are very material and want to give you the impretion that they know all and have been all places. But when it comes to their relationship they are both complaining about the others annoyances, never anything positive, all negative. Why won't he do this, why does she do that, she knows it annoys me.

Mike and I haven't had too many occasions that we don't want to talk. Can you imagine? Someone that talks as much as I type

[HooDunnit]

Sounds like Mike is naturally chatty. Did he really tell you that you have a round bum?

[rosyred45]

I told him to tell me that if I start to look like my sister, let me know.....and he has But I would rather him tell me that then think I look good, and look like a lard @ss, know what I mean.

And yes, he is rather chatty, he just got done telling me about a Charleton Heston Movie the whole time I typed ;D He got his UH HUH AND OH REALLY"S RIGHT ON cue, he does it to me all the time.

YUP, we talk and acknowled all the time, for sanities sake....might not have heard, but the other got off their chest what they wanted and we are fine ;D

[SKay]

I've wondered about reading Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Anyone read it?

[Linda]

I have read it...It made sense,but It didn't change anything!!!I can usually tell how or what my husband is feeling by body language.Sometimes just a look says it all!!

Some of it i am sure is the way some boys are raised...don't cry or you are a wimp...that sort of thing.

I raised my boys to express there feelings and sometimes i get more than i bargained for!

[rosyred45]

I've wanted to read it, but never got around to it, figured I'd find it at a yard sale for a quarter one of these days.

I let Mikey get upset, he's going to, Mike says it's going to turn him into a mama's boy....so :PHe knows that when he does something, I'm going to let him get it off his chest and not condemn him, but his actions.

I have explained that to Mike, and told Mike from some of his actions he's done the same thing. He that hath no sin, cast the first stone.

[Douglas]

It's easy to see, from the behaviors of young children of both genders, that levels of communication in adults are largely the result of socialization.

The irony with a male adult ADHD is that he is one who, inside, is crying out for communication ... he needs understanding at least as much as his counterparts ...

[rosyred45]

I can see exactly what you are talking about. For Mike, he's not unhappy. He'll hol dthings in until they get to the boiling point in certain aspects, but not too much when it comes to us. Then again we talk and talk and talk.

We don't do the "put us on the back burner" anymore. We used to and we would argue and fight that the one didn't have enough time for the other. Now, not that we make time, but we do more together, naturally, not scheduled. He goes with me to the grocery store, I go and help him put up his deer stand. Stuff that we both benefit from and that we enjoy doing.

I have learned to listen more to what he is feeling, not to what he is saying. Not htat he does a lip service, but if he knows that I I have my heart set on something, he gives in. And vice versa, I don't complain about hte stupid little things as much anymore.

Speaking of communicating, off to watch the race with him-without the kids ;D