a loner

[HooDunnit]

Do you think that there is such a thing as a "loner" -- someone who just doesn't want an intimate relationship with anyone?

[Linda]

I don't know if i would call that person a "loner"...sounds like some other problem to me.

[rosyred45]

Of course there are loner's. They think that no one understands them or wants to be with them.

I see them on both scales of the life belt-
#1. those with no self esteem and think that they don't deserve to be with anyone.

#2 those that are God awful egomanicas that think they rule the world and don't think little peons are in their realm of the world.

But I like playing head games with those that are the ego manicas, shoot em down with their own words and actions. It's quite fun ;D

[ohmama]

It is a painful thing to love someone. To open up and give that trust necessary that is required in a relationship. Often it is not so easily explained why one is a loner. Do they make a conscious decision to be this way? If trust has been broken in childhood it is more difficult than you can imagine to restore it and have a normal give and take in adulthood.

To give of yourself is a risk. As some see it they are not willing to take this risk. It is a way to protect themselves from further damage. Even loners get lonely, this too is painful.

[rosyred45]

Ohmama
Here's a hug for you (((((((((hugs)))))))))))

I hope I didn't hurt your feelings with the extremes aspect of it. Sometimes the only reason I act like I do is because I am expected to.

Like on Sundays, when I would rather crawl in a hole and just be, I have to have that chipper "What can I get you?" attitude. I don't want people to think I'm unhappy about being there, I just have off days, but I don't want it to reflect on the club, so I suck it up and smile ;Dwhen I would rather tell them to, well, we just can't put that here can we

[Douglas]

I think there are certainly periods in one's adult life when, if one does not have a partner, it may feel like the best thing to do is not to pursue a relationship at that time

I don't think that makes you a "loner" because it's not necessarily a permanent condition, or even a personality trait --- just circumstance.

[Linda]

I think you are right Douglas...There are times when I WANT to be alone but It doesn't make me a "loner".

[rosyred45]

Oh no, I'm looking at the lifetime thing. Not the theraputic -get yourself together-alone time.

I love alone time, but I also like to be around people helping them. Most of the time I have to psych myself into things, but it usually turns out fine.

[finnmom]

I think being alone and being a loner are two different thing´s:

You can deside you´re not looking for any relationship´s due the circumstance´s of your live, what ever they might be. Then you´re being alone by your own decicion and need. that´s a good thing and serve´s the need´s at the time.

But being a loner, is more like not getting any relationship´s with other people even if you pursue them how hard. Being left alone with noone to talk or be with. That´s sad

[aimee30]

I consider myself a loner. Yes, I have a hubby and three kids, but I still consider myself a loner. Not that I don't want an intimate relationship, I just have a hard time with relationships, period. I have opened up more on this board than I have ever.

ohmama said it best.

[MistyMorningPA]

I always thought a "loner" was a person who would rather be alone, at home, than out in a crowd like , say, shopping or at a party. I never thought of a "loner" as someone incapable of love or relationships. I consider my hubby a "loner" & I know he loves us very much. But getting him to go out for any reason is like pulling teeth!

He would MUCH rather stay at home, listening to the radio or doing yardwork! Even at home, if company is expected, hes ok with 2-4 people, but any more than that & he pretty much goes into his shell. He's not really shy, just what I always called a "loner"

My mom has 7 siblings & theres about 40-50 of us when we all get together. I want my daughter to experience this wonderful, close family. Unfortunately, that means we leave her dad at home!