"ADD and Romance", what I learned from the book.

[aaa-alison]

How should an Add person respond to Romance. Barry, you gave me a challenge this morning, but I like challenges so here goes.

1. Be true to yourself
2. Find ways to love yourself. You are special and wonderful and worth it.
3. Be very kind and loving to yourself-that will help your spouse be more kind and loving to you. If you always are having a problem with yourself and complaining about what is wrong with you, then you are giving your spouse permission to criticize you too.
4. Laugh together about ADD funny stuff that happens
5. Learn how to laugh at yourself- this relieves the stress of messing up-once again.
6. Know when to be serious about an error and when to laugh it off. The difference is this. When your spouse comes to you pissed off about something you did be serious about it-really try to listen-repeat back what they are saying to you. Say you will work on it. Ask them to help you work on it. I have a tendency to joke about sex too much and innappropriately-I told my husband why I do it and I asked him to say "Alison"-when I am about to go to far. Works well. I gave him the permission and he helps me to not piss him off. Pretty cool.
7. Most of all. Be honest. Know the reasons why you did things and tell your spouse-no matter what. Then they can truly love you and you can truly love yourself. Sometimes the reasons why I do stuff are so simple-I felt claustrophobic-so I opened all the windows to let in air-and forgot to close them. I felt tired-so I took a nap at three in the afternoon till 6. I felt depressed because of my anger towards my mom-so I did not do my work or make the calls I was supposed to.

I'll post more later-Love Alison

[HooDunnit]

Hi Alison --

I suppose that people who are not ADD / ADHD, need to appreciate the impulsivity / distractibility of this condition. My ADHD-son will walk into someone's messy house and say, "This place looks like a chicken coop." Now someone else will think that, but they just won't say it. They have a little pause there, before they let it out. When your husband says "Alison" that reminds you to pause when you sometimes get joking away about stuff.

And the distractibility would account for your not closing a window that you had opened. Your mind hadn't got back there yet.

On the other hand, many ADD / ADHD people are great and sparkling conversationalists!! I would think that that would be a strength during romance.

Maybe romance is the easy part, and making a life together despite your differences is the hard part. What do you think?

I remember one day after we had been married about six months, my wife said to me, "You're not the man I married!!" LOL I felt like saying, "Who am I then?"

Barry