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I find your tag line especially inspiring
FIND WAYS TO LOVE YOURSELF AND DO THEM. YOU ARE SPECIAL AND WONDERFUL AND WORTH IT.
What more can be said. What you did first was realize, now is the time to set up a plan. I WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN!!!!!! I might write it down 20 times and hang reminders all over the house.
You need to look inside yourself and ask your self one thing:
WHY? Why did I do this, Why am I not doing something? Why am I acting like I am? When you get to the heart of why, then you can begin to resolve what has been happening.
You have already asked yourself why. You know that you have a diagnosis. NOW is the time to ask yourself, what can I do to better the situation? How can you get your butt in gear to make YOU happy. Don't think in terms of, oh can I say this with out sounding rude. I can't so
Don't think in terms of how can I help my marraige, think in terms of HOW CAN I HELP ME? That doesn't sound nice, and I apologize, but when you think in terms of making yourself esteem better, that's what you need to do. Step back and take a look at what your husband fell in love with. Are you still loud/quiet, shy/outgoing, do you feel like the same person you were BEFORE you went into this marraige?
You may not have had the diagnosis before your marraige, but that doesn't keep you from being you. Everything that is inside you has been there, before and after. I have ALWAYS had a low self esteem. I still sit at night sometimes and cry. Why? I don't know right this second, it depends on the situation. I have a loving husband, 2 beautiful children, a great job that i love, a family that is, well, we'll just skip the family part
The point is....when I am at my lowest, I look for guidence. I try to find happiness, I'm too impatient for waiting for happiness to try to find me. I count my blessings and watch the birds, listen to the rain, I relax at a time where it might not be the most opprotune, but If I need to for me, I do.
I have caught myself with in the past few weeks trying to find purpose. I've not been myself, I feel lost, I want to just crawl in a hole and let the world go by.
Then I hear the words of my dad:
YUP, nothing like a good old yelling at to motivate. I listen to the little voice in the back of my head that tells me everything is going to be OK.
There's a song that keeps runnign through my head. I think its called Where is the love. By Black Eyed Peas
The line:
EVERYTHINGS GONNA BE ALRIGHT.
I just keep telling myself I can handle anything that has been given to me.
If God brought you to it, He will bring you through it.
Kaiti
When I decide that I want to do something, God forbid he has to adjust what he was going ot do. No, he doesn't really have to adjust his schedule, he just has to adjust his thinking. When he wants to do something, ok, fine, there we go, we do it. But when I want to do something. It either gets put on his back burner and he complains, or I just do it anyway with out saying HEY HONEY GUESS WHAT I WANNA DO. I just do it.