Just venting....

[coyote]

I should have never applied for this job. I should have known that I would never be able to function unsupervised as head of my own department.

I feel as though the only accomplishment I can be proud of since I took this position is how well I seem to be fooling people that I'm actually running this place. Thank goodness the department practically runs itself.

I worry that any day all the stuff I haven't gotten done is going to catch up to me...

But the more that stuff piles up on my desk....the less I want to work on it.

Right now I just want to take a nap. It couldn't be any worse than distracting myself by getting on-line like this.

Sometimes I feel like I should look for other employment...something with less responsiblity and more supervision so that it would be easier for me to cope. But that type of job wouldn't pay as much, and cutting my income would be unfair to my family.

I suppose, though, that if I keep going like this, I'll probably end up getting fired, and then I'll have no choice.

Thanks for letting me vent...now I must get back to work. Although it is getting close to lunch time....

[rosyred45]

Hey Coyote, how ya been?

What type of work do you do? Besides supervise I mean, is it blue coller or white coller? Just curious. I usually try to fit my time in, 1/2 an hour to an hour at a time, or make sure that I am getting something done while I do this. Of course since I'm home, it's easiler for me than you, BUT I have a washer going, a dryer going, soaking dishes, airdrying dishes, and I am on here all at the same time.....just a matter of how you manage your time.

If you are in an office, the best thing I would do when I had paperwork and stuff.....start with organizing and sorting supplies that are out of order. Might not be what you should be doing, but it could work your concentraion level up so that you might be able to stay on task longer.

Hope you feel better soon, and vent away

[coyote]

Thanks rosyred45,

I often decide to stop and reorganize my office. It looks great for a couple of days before it all starts to pile up again. And the problem is, I may get all the papers neat, but projects/tasks/etc. still go undone. I do understand your point though, it's a way to try to get unstuck and at least do something, right?

Believe it or not, I am the Director of the local 911 Center. I hope that doesn't frighten anyone. My staff does a great job handling calls and dispatching police, fire, and emergency medical services.

I used to be a dispatcher, myself. That was much easier, because I could pay attention to fifteen things at once. I didn't have to worry about managing my time...my tasks were driven by the emergencies I handled, and once an incident was over, that was it -- nothing carried over from day to day. When the shift was over, you went home knowing everything was done.

I'd much rather have the responsibility of saving people's lives than the responsibility of having reports made, equipment serviced, or bills paid on time.

I hate paperwork!!! ;D

[Linda]

Why can't you go back and do what you were doing? Sounds like a ADDER'S dream!

[rosyred45]

Boy, sounds like my dad He used to be a millwright, but when the opprutunity came along to be in charge of the Fire Systems at his work, he jumped on it. Yeah, and it has since jumped and jumped and jumped.

Oh I feel for you, my dad has pretty much backed out of the volunteer Fire company he was with-he's lifetime anyhow, so he still goes if he knows someone, he just drives there and uses his own bunkers and stuff, but I know about that kinda stuff....not fun

I hate paper work too, although I can imagine hearing you over the scanner, some of those days seem like it's only possible if the person DOES have ADD :oAnd we're a small county.

Would a scheduling calander work-yes, if you used it, it could :PWrite everything on the calander. The key is to put the calander where you WILL NOTICE IT.....not just see it, but notice it. Not on the top of your desk either, it'll get too piled up on ;)When things need to be serviced, what reports are due, who has to be where when....that kind of stuff, and then

DO NOT PROCRASTINATE or LET YOURSELF GET SIDE TRACKED-, unless of course there is an emergency that you have to handle then and there....

sounds like me and house work :-XI get so frustrated that I don't know where to begin, so I just jump in and do whatever comes to mind.

Good luck and try to brain storm on what might help you more, then put it to action

[coyote]

I'd love to go back to being a dispatcher, but for the time being I need the higher income (nine more months of alimony to be paid to ex-wife). The other problem is that because I live in a fairly rural part of the country, there are no other 911 centers close enough to commute to, and I doubt it would be possible to convince the County Commission to hire someone to replace me in my position and then ask them to hire me to work in a "lower" capacity. So I'm kinda stuck for now.

I just wish I could force myself to not procrastinate and not get side tracked. That's what's so frustrating. I do use a calander...it helps me figure out just how long I can put stuff off ;D.

Anyway, I am trying to get some professional help at this point, so maybe I can keep it all from falling apart.

Thanks for the advice.

[rosyred45]

I'll make you a deal, if I force my self, you force yourself ;D

OK, now, back to playing-------KIDDING

[Sorka]

Sounds like we need to strap on a remote control buzzer on you!! heheh Then we can randomly zap you during the day and wake you up!!!

Seriously though.. some ideas.. are you off in your office with the door closed?? Then open it! The more likely some one is to walk by and catch you 'snoozing' the more likely you are to look busy.. and if you are looking busy you might as well be busy. Or can you carry your work on a clipboard and do it in a more public place? Just being out of there and around other people doing the reports on a clipboard might help.. lets see what else..
Schedule yourself... do the same things at the same time of day.. block it out on a calendar.. And block in break times.. down times.. do the tasks in ten minute jaunts if need be..

On your coffee break don't sit and drink coffee go outside and take a walk.. be active.. sitting at a desk all day can be more tiring than a job that has you moving!

And quit looking at this as a short term way to pay off the allimony.. and look at it as an opportunity to improve your own organizational skills! Quit faking it till you make it and just do it!!!

Just some thoughts!
Denise

[rosyred45]

STANDING OVATION FOR DENISE PLEASE

Very good advice, when is it my turn with the ZAPPER ;D Kidding, maybe, hey, that would be pretty good for homework time wouldn't it

[Otto Pilot]

This thread sounds very familiar. Try adding Narcolepsy to the mix.

I was diagnosed ADHD in 2000. I remember being very "H" as a child and as a young adult, but now I feel tired all the time. My apparent Narcolepsy masked my ADHD symptoms resulting in several years of frustrating and missed diagnosis. I still manage to come out of my funk (now and then), revealing my inner "H". But overall, I wake up exhausted and stay that way all day. I can't remember the last time I ever woke feeling refreshed.

- - - -

WARNING: This post is kind of long and if your attention span is as low as mine, you might pass on these ramblings. But if you are ADD/ADHD and having difficulty with chronic exhaustion and sleep issues (non-medication related), you may want to read on.

- - - -

I had often joked about devising some sort of sensor that could be set up on top of my computer monitor to give a nice little shock or a slight punch to the forehead from a mechanical boxing glove. It would be just enough of a jolt to bring me back to consciousness.

I too had taken promotions that I knew I had no business taking. It's not that I wasn't intellectually capable, but I knew I would eventually let something slip through the cracks where I'd get in trouble or run to the next job escaping disaster in the nick of time.

I used to be a team leader in a corporate IT department. It was very hands on and interactive. I have a knack for picking up on technology quickly and motivating people. I also made the mistake of revealing that I can write detailed technical documentation if I really concentrate (and if I didn't slit my wrists in the process).

I loved my team lead job, but I think upper management thought they were rewarding me by giving me the task of researching and writing a high-visibility business proposal for a multi-million dollar mobile communication project. YIKES!

I was flattered, but I also had a terrible sense of doom. It was one of those situations where you couldn't turn down the opportunity or you'd be done-for regarding internal politics.

I was given an office away from the action and I immediately started clambering for some sort distraction or stimulation. I couldn't stay on track and was majorly spacing out. I was able to make it look good for a while, but I saw myself starting to become a risk to the project and had to do something about it.

I had become so stressed that I started experiencing severe chest pains (turned out to be from anxiety). My loving and supportive wife, who is an R.N., was concerned about my health and state of mind. She arranged for me to see some specialists for a variety of concerns.

One test seemed to rule out another. I learned that I'm actually pretty fit at 45, but I was frustrated because nothing explained my constant lethargy and exhaustion.

The cardiologist that supervised my stress testing happened to specialized in sleep disorders and ran a clinic at my wife's hospital. Many people with heart disease apparently suffer from sleep apnea (which is often the cause of some heart problems). He suggested having a sleep study done.

The first night of testing, I went directly in and out of REM an excess of 30 times, bypassing the more rejuvenative sleep cycles that are responsible for "recharging our batteries". The doc suspected narcolepsy (not apnea) and asked me to stay for tests throughout the next day.

I was asked to attempt a series of 20-minute sleep periods spaced out over an entire day. I didn't think I had fallen asleep during any of the segments, but the electrodes recorded my brain activity was consistently going to REM sleep within 5 minutes of each test. I repeated the same sleep patterns one week later.

Apparently I am narcoleptic and my body and brain never get a full recharge when I sleep. It's not as severe as the stereotypical geriatric that falls asleep mid-conversation and face down in their soup at dinner, but I tend space out or nod-off sometimes for long and short periods of time. This happens whether I'm doing something I'm interested in or not. It seems to have become more prevalent as I get older.

Except for stimulants, there's nothing you can do about it medically. I tried provigil for a while (which is often used for narcolepsy)...it helped me not to space out so much, but didn't seem to help my ADHD symptoms as well as Ritalin or Adderall. I'm currently taking Adderall and things seem manageable.

I know I've probably wandered from whatever specific point I was trying to make. I'm really struggling trying to write this with any sense of cohesion. When I read some of your posts about ADD and chronic exhaustion, I thought some of you might want to explore sleep disorders.

My Narcolepsy diagnosis has helped me understand why I struggled so long to find explanations for many difficulties in my life. Like my ADHD diagnosis, I sometimes wish I never knew. I'm back to "Now what do I do with this information?"

Meanwhile, back at the job...
Out of responsibility, I decided to step-down from my research position, which most likely resulted in my being laid off last October. I don't blame the company, they have a business to run and I wasn't capable of doing what they were paying me to do.

I really don't know anything else to do except IT management and project management (probably two of the worst jobs for someone like me to do). I was a touring musician from 79' to 85'. Out of a misguided sense of responsibility and family guilt, I left music shortly after getting married (the first time). Due to financial responsibilities, I can't really afford to go back to music. So I'm going to try using my IT background as a process consultant.

It's not what I want to do in the long run, but at least I'm starting to look at things where I can succeed as "me" and not hobble myself further by conforming to the corporate mold.

…whew! Better stop before a new train of thought arrives at the station.

[rosyred45]

Hey Otto Pilot, sounds about like me on some days. Thanks for the warning, although it wasn't necessary, you'll see that the longer you are here, I could go on and on and on and opps, there I go

Anyhow, Welcome to the Family. My name is Kaiti and I will be the hostess to welcome you today ;DPlease ignore any spelling errors I might make, unles you can't understand the point I am trying to make. I hate proofreading.

About the narcalepsy, do you know anything like prevalance associated with add/adhd, or is it about the same as sleep apnea?

Sleep apnea was brought to my attention last week because when I sleep sometimes I have night terrors and hold my breath like I was drowning-that's what I dream of at the time of "holding my breath". Now that I think about it, I guess I am just not breathing, but the dream masks that fact. HUh. learn something new everyday.

Welcome again, feel free to post as often as you want or need.
Kaiti

[Otto Pilot]

Thanks Kaiti for your warm welcome.

I posted here once a few months ago under a different name. I visit often, but never really felt like I had anything new to say that wasn't already said. This thread caught my attention and thought I'd try to share something new.

Regarding sleep apnea and night-terrors. As you might know, sleep apnea results from an obstruction you may have to your breathing while sleeping. Snoring is a big symptom, holding your breath, etc. An examination and sleep study could easily determine if you have apnea.

I'm not sure about night terrrors being exclusive to apnea, but it is something they look at with narcolepsy.

I failed to mention that I experience mild cataplexy in my forearms at times. Sometimes I have minor sleep paralysis when waking from a bad dream. While not often, I sometimes have very vivid and seamingly real sensations of out of body travel which may fall in to the category of "hypnagogic hallucinations".

I was also a heavy sleep-walker as a child. This is another possible nacolepsy symptom which falls in to the category of "autonomic behavior". But I don't seem to exhibit this symptom anymore...at least as far as I know ;-). A person with severe autonomic behavior may appear to be fully awake and functional while performing routine tasks, be really be asleep and have no recollection of their activity.

All of these symptoms are possible indicators of narcolepsy. Before determining the need for a sleep study, these symptoms would most likely be discussed in a screening interview.

There seems to be some relationship between ADD/ADHD and Narcolepsy. Some symptoms are very similar, but the Narcolepsy can mask some of the important ADHD indicators which leads some to think one is independent of the other.

I think the word is still out on any solid correlation between the two. However, Narcolepsy is a genetic neurological disorder related to epilepsy. My mother is epileptic...maybe that's where I get it...who knows! My Grandfather was very ADHD!

[rosyred45]

I wasn't a heavy sleep walker when I was young, well, even now for that matter. I go on auto pilot as soon as I wakeup i fit's light out though ::)That farmer instinct to get up with the light

I had spoke with another member here last week about sleep apnea, I know that I snore, but never enough to wake myself up, unlike my husband who does.

Anyhow, as far as the night terrors, I just figure its all a matter of my subconsious somehow or another trying to either protect me or someother oddball thing that I don't know. I have had the same dream since I was little and would wake up blue in the face. The first time it happened it scared the day lights outta me, but then I learned to control the dream and wake myself up ,

The only problem with that was as soon as I fell back to sleep I'd go back to where I left off. I step into a puddle, but it's like an endless pit and the farther I fall, it turns to ice over my head so I can't get out of the puddle. I have made it through 1 time, and I fell into a seat at a movie theater ::)I have no idea, but that's what happens.

[sportsmom]

Otto Pilot

WELCOME----you are right about your post on sleep disorders. More studies are being done about them and the association with ADHD. Hopefully with more research we as parents w/adhd kids and adults alike can find the solution to a better nights sleep to help with concentration levels during the day. If you look under the posting dr office you will find a thread there where we talked about sleep disorders.

[rosyred45]

Thanks sportsmom, I couldn't remember which section it was in