What I did today...

[skylarkragtop]

Today was a challenge. Being the nursing student that I am, I was assigned 3 patients today. One with a broken neck in halo traction, which is a framework apparatus bolted into his skull to keep his head immobilized. Another who had a stroke at only 33 years old, only speaks spanish, and likes to fling feces when he's upset. The third was a nice older man who wanted someone to talk to about his spinal surgery, since he had a mass removed from the back of his neck. But, given that I had two other patients to take care of, we did not talk much. Most of my day was spent organizing and administering the 8:00 and 10:00 AM medications. I spent much of the day torn between feeling as though I cant do this, or dont want to, and reminding myself that I can do it, and I am doing it. I talked with a few classmates going through the exact same feelings. It was a bit overwhelming. During our class meeting after our rotation today, my professor did feel the need to tell the whole class that I had three tough patients today, that I did very well, and that the staff there on the unit were telling her that I'd done a good job. It doesnt help to tell me those things, especially in front of the whole class, because I do not want to be singled out, or stand out. I need to fly under the radar, but for some reason, none of my professors want to let that happen. I guess I'm that good. My classmates come to me to ask me questions while we're on the unit, and I cant figure out why. I guess they think I'm that good too. Not only do I not feel that way, I dont think I'd know how to feel that way. I'm so tired right now.

EDIT: Now that it's the next day, I've been thinking about this. The whole time I was at the hospital yesterday, the two patients who were able to communicate with me actually told me numerous times that they appreciated my help, and that they wanted me to come back the next day. They thanked me for doing a good job. They told me I make a good nurse. It was not until the cloud of sheer exhaustion, stress, and frustration was lifted that I was able to recall all that. Much better today.

SR

[george3]

SR,

You need to pull the circle of thought in to a smaller circle. You have too much information processing at one time. It wares you out and causes thoughts that you souldn't even ever think about. I know it seems like it is impossible to stop the constant thoughts and all the thoughts about the thoughts and the thoughts about the thoughts about the thoughts. This is stuff that should be in the your subconscious thought process. It would be worked out and discarded. You should do the same. Pull your focus on single tasks and try to work only with that thing if possible. When a thought about something that seems worrysome, just understand that thought is just trying to mess with your day, and chunk it. Agree with yourself that your not going to take that thought seriously again if it comes back. It and other thoughts like it will eventually become smaller and smaller until you have total control over them.
George

[george3]

Hey SR,

That is a really cool car man. I sold my toy about a year ago. I had a 1971 Plymouth Satellite Sebring Plus. I had it painted Corvette Red with a black vinyl top.
George

[AnneM]

Skylark ... it sounds to me as if this is perhaps a " lack of belief in yourself" scenario ... the facts say that you are doing EXTREMELY well !! but you don't like to be given that credit ... especially publicly!!

But then again you were TIRED ... and it sounds like you bounced back after some sleep and thought ...

Sounds to me like you are doing really, really well !!

[tridlette]

SR... nice to see you again!

The overwhelming days, the self doubt... these are the very things that make a good nurse GREAT!

It is the overconfident thingyy nurses that are dangerous. You have enough common sense to double check yourself at all times... that prevents mistakes, and it is that behavior that controls any ADHD symptoms that you otherwise experience.

As your experience grows after graduation, much of the double checking will start to occur without you even being aware of what you are doing.

I worked for 14 yrs in the ER and ICU as a Respiratory Therapist... I REALLY understand what you are going through. The patients are so frustrated, and frustrating. I had the realization one day, when caring for a vent dependent spinal cord injured patient, that he had NO CONTROL over what was happening outside of his brain, that he used it to control his environment as much as possible.

He would tell me to move the flowers and the cards on his stand, 1/2 inch at a time, left, then back, then right, then forward, until they were exactly where they had started, but HE felt that he had control. As exasperating as it gets, when I took a moment to think about it from his point of view, it made tolerating him a little easier.

Also, you are probably in school with several YOUNG students, fresh out of high school. They see you as a mature peer, a trusted adult, not the instructor! You are their safety net! You are there for them as a role model that does NOT control their grades, their future. But you are the elder.

Don't feel the pressure, just realize that if they had waited a few extra years before trying nursing school, it would be one of them that the fellow students would be looking to for guidance.

You, my friend, are the type of student that every classmate NEEDS! And you are obviously doing well! Don't feel the pressure, for ultimately, they will succeed or fail without your assistance. The day will come when you are graduated and licensed, and all of you will be equal. For now, recognize that the patients only see the compassion and caring, not the letters after your name!

Best wishes, my friend!

Laurie

[finnmom]

S/R sound´s like you´re heading to the right direction in your way to be a GOOD NURSE

I have to agree with Trid about the double checking, as rn I do that all day long and that´s the best you can do as a nurse; to make sure you´re doing the right thing.

The patient´s; even though they are the one´s for whom we do this, they can get SO frustrating some day´s, but...they are only people with pain and scare they dont see you as S/R but as a nurse to whom they are entitled to complain. So human, it take´s some time to make the professional overcoat to protect you of those time´s.

I think your classmates see you as an older, more experienced mate that can help them to clear their thought´s, that´s good, take it as a compliment

You´re doing great, just keep up the good work

I´ve been "ready" for over 8 years, but I´ve noticed it´s learning all over again all day long

[Kaiti]

S/R,
I would hope to have a nurse like you when/if ever I had the need.

We've just been through the ringers between my FIL passing away and Mike's grandfather here recently. Some of the nurses were great, and others, well, they were there for the pay check.

The ones that touched me most were those that listened.....I mean listened. They understood that we as the family were stressed. They understood that we wanted answers.....maybe not the ones we wanted, but just answers.

And we as a family put ourselves in their shoes. We were patient with them as they tried to explain everything as best they could, without making us feel like idiots for not knowing the lingo.

We appreciated the fact that they let us bring in the kids to see Pop-pop in ICU, just in case it was his last day....we appreciated everything that the nurses did. The doctors were good too, but the nurses were the back bone.

They needed to know everything about all of the patients. That's alot to grasp.

So SKYLARKRAGTOP, my hat is off to you and every other nurse/student in the field. I wish to say thank you for all of the times I forgot.

Kaiti