THE PASSAGE OF TIME

[DANIEL]

i have noticed something that i didnt realize before. before i started taking my medication, i was incapable of figuring this out, and that is, i mark the passage of time differently. when i am on my medication time just zooms by, i dont get bored nor do i notice everything and think of a hundred things at once.it occurs to me that i always felt as if i had been alive for ever, and i got so tired because everyday lasted an eternity, in so much as not only did i have to live thru everyday with every minute taking so long , but also because i could never sleep well. so my days and nights drug on and on and on. i think that because i could not focus on any particular thing for any length of time, my mind percieved the world as slow moving and unbearable. hence the whole boredom aspect, and frustration. my ability to comunicate and express my ideas/desires was impeeded by an inefficent way of communication.( in my eyes). this little mental breakthru of mine, explains so much of my behavior, and my attitude. now that i am on medication, i can focus and time just zips by, in fact ill be working on something and will feel like my medication is wearing off, but i found hard to believe when i looked at the clock and 3 or more hours have gone by. what does this mean. i dont know, at least as far as being useful to anyone. i also may be making this statement in ignorance, as many of you may have already come to this conclusion, or understanding, but if you havent it may give you a tool for understanding why we behave the way we do. then again i may be unique or a nut. but i thought it important enough to share, because it can explain the reason behind our boredom, and understanding that may give us more alternatives to help the situation... hope this helps
daniel

[eaccae]

Interesting observation. I am not yet on medication but you have just described me. I feel like I can't turn my brain off - I am thinking so fast - it is like two hours have gone by for every two minutes. Although time in general flies by the actual DAY takes an eternity and I am exhausted from thinking, exhausted from trying to constantly remember what I was in the middle of, exhausted from trying to stay organized (even with a very detailed calendar) and too wired to sleep!

[rosyred45]

You know what Daniel, no matter how much you think someone may have realized something, you can put into words what our kids can't.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

This might be the HEY I GET IT MOMENT for someone that is reading what you right.

As I am generally hyper, I have a problem hyperfocusing on everything. So I don't really deal with the slow time, but NO TIME to finish what I REALLY REALLY WANTED TO FINISH.

And don't worry, we are all nuts, you joined the right crowd

[tridlette]

I have always felt that way too... and as a child often woke up thinking that maybe today would be different, maybe today I would be in someone else's body and be able to enjoy the day in peaceful tranquility.

I still awake in the same body, not peaceful, not tranquil...

I am going to try to understand my son better, as he is in the middle of a "re-diagnosis". We have cleared his slate of all labels, and have a whole new group evaluating him, and doing a far more comprehensive set of reports and tests to find out exactly what he is dealing with. My heart breaks for him when he gets terrible grades and the experts say he is lazy. He has an IQ in the 140+ range according to old tests, and yet he fails. His guidance counselor observed him in math class this week, his favorite, and reported that he paid attention less than 2 minutes of the period, and didn't use his pencil once, although he chewed it to shreds during the class. And Michael had no idea that the counselor was even in the room!

I am going to definitely try to remember your description at moments when he is so "out there" that I can't get to him... like right now

When a person can write effectively about what our kids are experiencing, it is invaluable. Thanks for taking the time to make the effort! NO PUN INTENDED!

[rosyred45]

Trid, I hope things turn around for Michael. He is going through a lot at this stage in the game.

Does he go to counseling or anything? Like Daniel said about not being able to focus on any one thing, maybe he has so much going on in his head right now, he's not able to see through the clutter.

I'll try to relate like this. My house--what you didn't see ::)was a complete wreck. I cleaned up on Wednesday and Thursday because we had a realtor coming Thursday afternoon.

I have keeping up with dishes, laundry-sort of-gotta have enough for a full load-I've even pulled out an afgan that I started a few years ago and am now using the last skein that I have, and I restarted that on Sunday.

The kids have been calmer, and Mike and I haven't been running around complaining about this that and the other thing that we have to worry about. We just do it and be done with it.

I don't know if that helps or not, but I think that if Michael might need to get somethings off his chest, that might be the start to clearing his mind and helping him focus.

[tridlette]

I have had Michael to more counselors in the last 5 yrs. than he has fingers to count on! When he sees anyone, he gets darker than any black shirt he owns. I have never seen him more hostile and retreat further into himself than when asked to talk to someone.

I finally told the last one that I couldn't take any more, I was starting to fear for the safety of him and the rest of the family too. His hostility got to be unbearable.

Stop therapy, start smiling. I never felt that way for me, but it is a major reality in his life. Man was he ugly!

I think he is just overwhelmed with everyone expecting great things from him because "he's so smart, if he just applied himself..." so many times over the years. No one has ever taken the time to show him HOW to apply himself, and if someone tries now, he shuts us out.

My great hope now is that his C.O. will get through to him in ROTC. He really shines there!

[rosyred45]

I can understand the shutting people out thing. What do you think Mike does when he needs to think. I just let him alone so he can process what he needs to how he needs to without interferance. That's just how he does things and that works for him.

I hope things work out for Michael, some people just need to think things out alone and be able to process it on their own terms, nothing wrong with that at all.