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Post by Douglas on Sept 9, 2004 5:48:46 GMT -5
I'm sure there are tons of sites filled with angry people venting about everything under the sun. But blaming another is never the answer. And it can make you blind to what you may need to change to make the situation work. Love heals everything. Exactly right. |
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Post by eaccae on Sept 9, 2004 15:16:19 GMT -5
Hmmm . . . call me crazy but this thread was started by a vent, was it not?
Although I see your point, there have been many times that I have vented on this board - ready to pull my hair out over something my child has done or the teacher has done . . . and this process of venting has brought me support, has helped to "get it out", helped me to clearly think about my next course of action, or helped me feel better knowing that I am not alone . . .
I am currently healing from a middle ear infection. The pressure inside my ear was building up - my ear drum burst! Often - the treatment for chronic adult middle ear infections is for the doctor to puncture the ear drum to relieve the pressure so that the whole ear drum doesn't burst. I kind of think of venting like that puncture in the ear drum - it helps relieve the pressure.
In a perfect world we would be able to vent to the person/people that are creating our turmoil. Sometimes the person doesn't want to listen, sometimes it is inappropriate to talk to them (i.e., our children), and sometimes we just need to say what we are feeling and get it out of our bodies so that we can cool off and do/say the rational thing.
There have been many times in my 12+ marriage in which I have vented to a friend about my relationship - I was fed up, I was getting divorced, I couldn't take it anymore - lot's of stuff . . . and it probably SAVED my marriage. Getting it out made me feel so much better. I felt better - cleansed in a way - was able to calmly and rationally think things through and appropriately and calmly deal with certain problems . . . Some people say mean things online - but when they go home they feel much better, some people don't vent and say mean things at home which causes even more problems, and unfortunately some people do both!
To me the real cruelty would be - for example - if someone came online to this board and started telling us all adhd didn't exist, that we were using it as an excuse, et cetera! Otherwise - I can't throw stones at glass houses - especially when many of my threads here start with . . ."I just need to vent!!".
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Post by Honeysmom on Sept 9, 2004 22:56:53 GMT -5
I think everyone is right in their opinions on this.
It does seem cruel to think that there is a site out there bashing adults with ADD, but at the same time we all need to get stuff off of our chests. I have also had times when I get so mad at Jerry that if I didn't call my best friend and just vent I'd probably try to run him down with my Buick. Then I have said the things I want to, I get her perspective, and I feel better. It is the same thing with this site.
I also agree that refusing to treat a problem would (and is) very frusterating. But at the same time, as a person with ADD, I would think that I was like this when he met me, why is it a problem now? Probably b/c the negative effects are inescapable once you are legally bound to wake up with that person every morning.
I love my husband, but we also both know that our marriage works for us b/c we don't spend much time together. We know we drive each other nuts.
Maybe the site also seems cruel b/c they are bashing a spouse, and that really is not nice, but it is nicer getting it out the mean way first and then talking rationally.
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Post by rosyred45 on Sept 10, 2004 9:28:50 GMT -5
Spouse bashing, as long as not physical towards them is a common thing, complain complain, man, if we didn't have a house guest last night, I'da been bashing my husband....he said I had an attitude, I said he started it, he said no, I said yes, balh blah, ALL NIGHT LONG  So we made up this morning, I usually don't like going to bed mad, but I did last night  |
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Post by Linda on Sept 10, 2004 9:36:37 GMT -5
Kaiti...you and Mike are under tremendous stress right now...I am glad you made up.....besides it happens to the best of us at some time or other.W e are only human!!  |
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Post by rosyred45 on Sept 10, 2004 10:25:37 GMT -5
We were out on the porch yelling , heck I think the only reason the police weren't called is because we only RAISE OUR VOICES and slam doors  But it would take the state Police about an hour to have gotten here anyhow, since it wasn't anything major |
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DANIEL
Full Member
dont bend the rules and dont break the rules, change them.
Posts: 130
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Post by DANIEL on Sept 17, 2004 21:30:11 GMT -5
as far as venting is concerned I am sure everyone needs to do it to get things off their chest, my wife who stays home with the kids does alot of that and since I am about the only one she sees on a regular basis guess who gets the joy of being the receiver.....  me...but what most people don't understand or refuse to consider, is that although people change over time, you can not under any circumstances assume your mate will change for the better( or to your likening) over time. I have seen this time and time again.... the man or the woman thinks that they will eventually change and they will get along better.... well I am here to tell you it doesn't happen that way ... ok some times it does but you cant expect it. before me and my wife got married we sat down and talked... extensively... and I made sure she knew I would not change.... as well as I did not expect her to change.....( iam talking about habits or annoying tendencies).. and that if ever we had a problem it was paramount that we discussed it to one another.... sometimes waiting to discuss things with your mate because you don't want to be too trivial is bad, and the reason why is the annoyance builds inside and becomes anger and then hate.... thats when things break down. you owe it to yourselves to keep open lines of communication... in the case with my wife she acknowledges this fact but does not practice it... men this is where you have to be aware when something is wrong .. and then don't give up if she doesn't want to talk about it... lol ... in my case I employ a dangerous tactic.... your going to think I am nuts but it works... if she wont tell me whats wrong.. I make her mad... not difficult... I can do it with my hands tied behind my back.. but the thing is you have to keep at it till they explode... it is at this moment in time where your efforts will pay off... not only will she tell you whats wrong... but she will inform you about what she dislikes about you ,your family, and if you have done an exceptionally good job she will even insult your dog.( goldfish, cat monkey, sloth , whatever pet you may have). when she is done she will feel much better and you now have come one step closer to fixing the problem... which by the way is another mistake men make ... women tell you about their problems. and men see this as a challenge, like we have to fix the problem. believe it or not most of the time women just want you to listen... (took me 2 years to figure this out) ;D |
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Post by rosyred45 on Sept 18, 2004 10:43:04 GMT -5
That's too funny, it takes a lot to make me or Mike mad, I mean really mad. Most of the time we let everything go because it's so stupid to be ticked about stuff we can't change, so why let it bother us, know what I mean.
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Post by Douglas on Oct 13, 2004 8:40:08 GMT -5
One complication with "venting" is that the anxiety overload that can happen in an ADHD adult may look exactly like venting but in fact be purely chemical and not emotional.
In any case, non-ADHD adults who diss their partners and advocate abandonment as a solution need to be placed in some kind of context or perspective. Otherwise they are just perpetuating destructive misinformation.
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