Post by Honeysmom on Jul 22, 2004 0:45:20 GMT -5
Our babysitter (the good one) just turned 16. She really is a nice girl, but she has had a very hard life. Her mother died when she was 5, and her father abused her in every imaginable way until she was 12 and he was locked up. Since then she was passed from foster home to relatives to foster home, until her aunt and uncle took guardianship of her. They really are nice people, but don't treat her as family. They treat her as a visitor.
Anyhow, this poor girl is starving for attention and no one seems to notice. Her aunt and uncle go camping for days at a time (only 15 mintues from home) and she stays home alone. No one comes home to check on her, they just call her on the cell phone. No one goes to her school plays or takes her anywhere a 16 y/o would want to go. I know her aunt pretty well and she admits she cares for her out of family responsibility.
This is where I come in. I always listen to her cry when she is mad, I try to giver her objective advice or point out why her aunt has certain rules. Still, she thinks I am the only person who cares for her. And I do care for her, she is not a bad kid. She has a wealth of problems no one seems to want to address.
Now she is calling me 5 times a day to see what I am up to. She invites me and the kids over for supper, offers to take them for afternoons, and I can tell she is so lonely. I really want to be her friend, but I can't be her mother. She invites me to all of the school functions, like plays, and I am the only one who goes to watch her. (and this is no easy feat b/c she is my only babysitter) I also told her that I have an afternoon in August that the kids are going to be gone visiting their Grandma and we'd go shopping. She is excited, after we planned it she told me that they only store she has shopped at is Wal-mart in town here for the last 10 months.
Now I am nervous about this. Like I said, I want to be her friend, or more like a big sister, but I can't be the person she'd see as a mom. She has her aunt, and I fear I am invading her territory. (or maybe she welcomes the invasion) Yet part of me knows that no one really does care that much about her. She also knows that I am busy with my own 2 kids and is worried that if I spend a few hours with her she is taking away from them. (very mature kid
So what does one do? I don't want to let anyone down. My own 2 kids mean so much to me that I can't see how people can't just want to scoop her up try and help her be a normal kid. I also do not want her to be dissapointed when no one is there for her, because realistically, I can't always be there for her.
In all honesty, if circumstances were better for my family and we could do it, I'd have a private talk with her aunt about her maybe staying with us. But I don't think that is possible.
I guess I don't really know what I am asking here. I am just venting at the unfairness of the situation. It really burns me that she has been treated so poorly her whole life. Then again, this is comming from the woman who may as well run an animal shelter b/c I have to feed and house every stray animal I find.
I just hate to see kids hurt. It hurts me.
Becky
Anyhow, this poor girl is starving for attention and no one seems to notice. Her aunt and uncle go camping for days at a time (only 15 mintues from home) and she stays home alone. No one comes home to check on her, they just call her on the cell phone. No one goes to her school plays or takes her anywhere a 16 y/o would want to go. I know her aunt pretty well and she admits she cares for her out of family responsibility.
This is where I come in. I always listen to her cry when she is mad, I try to giver her objective advice or point out why her aunt has certain rules. Still, she thinks I am the only person who cares for her. And I do care for her, she is not a bad kid. She has a wealth of problems no one seems to want to address.
Now she is calling me 5 times a day to see what I am up to. She invites me and the kids over for supper, offers to take them for afternoons, and I can tell she is so lonely. I really want to be her friend, but I can't be her mother. She invites me to all of the school functions, like plays, and I am the only one who goes to watch her. (and this is no easy feat b/c she is my only babysitter) I also told her that I have an afternoon in August that the kids are going to be gone visiting their Grandma and we'd go shopping. She is excited, after we planned it she told me that they only store she has shopped at is Wal-mart in town here for the last 10 months.
Now I am nervous about this. Like I said, I want to be her friend, or more like a big sister, but I can't be the person she'd see as a mom. She has her aunt, and I fear I am invading her territory. (or maybe she welcomes the invasion) Yet part of me knows that no one really does care that much about her. She also knows that I am busy with my own 2 kids and is worried that if I spend a few hours with her she is taking away from them. (very mature kid
So what does one do? I don't want to let anyone down. My own 2 kids mean so much to me that I can't see how people can't just want to scoop her up try and help her be a normal kid. I also do not want her to be dissapointed when no one is there for her, because realistically, I can't always be there for her.
In all honesty, if circumstances were better for my family and we could do it, I'd have a private talk with her aunt about her maybe staying with us. But I don't think that is possible.
I guess I don't really know what I am asking here. I am just venting at the unfairness of the situation. It really burns me that she has been treated so poorly her whole life. Then again, this is comming from the woman who may as well run an animal shelter b/c I have to feed and house every stray animal I find.
I just hate to see kids hurt. It hurts me.Becky
