Working like mad on the wrong things?

[sierra]

Once in a while I'll get super focused on something and just go to town. But the problem is I'm focused on the wrong thing and higher priority items are slipping. I like to give myself permission to get focused on something interesting but low priority once in a while but I alway feel guilty about the work I know I should be doing.

I feel like if I just cracked the whip on myself the way I do my sprouts I wouldn't feel guilty about letting high priority work just sit. But I have a real hard time cracking the whip on myself.

I don't know if medications would help me prioritize better. I'm not going to find out because my doc is very concerned that stim use could tip me over into perma-headaches. I have enough trouble weathering 1-5 headaches every 2-3 months.

Anybody got tips for keeping focused on the right things? I try lists, online reminders, daily plans with time blocked out. But I can plan all I like. When it comes to doing I just don't have the self discipline to spend my effort on the most urgent or most important things.

[rosyred45]

Get outta my head

Thank God it isn't only me. I do the same thing, lists, reminders, flylady, whatever......NOTHING WORKS.

I sometimes crack the whip on myself, but then that is only when push comes to shove and something HAS to get done.

I would love to be able to say, COME ON IN MR PRESIDENT, LET ME GIVE YOU A TOUR But alas, to no avail, IT AIN"T GONNA HAPPEN.

The harder I try the more discouraged I get because I'm busting my hump trying and it doesn't seem like any one else cares. HELLOOOOOOOOOO, our house is for sale, we need to clean out the junk that we don't need, just in case we have to pick up and move quicky. That's very nice that you built that car with legos, now take those dang legos and put them away before I throw them away.


AUGGGGGGGGGGGgHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone on this one
Kaiti

[Honeysmom]

Sierra, I think this is a universal problem for many reasons.

First, this is so common of people with ADHD. We get sort of scatter-brained and our priorities get out of wack. Plus we hyperfocus sometimes and other important and non-important things get neglected. It is a constant struggle to keep yourself if check, medicated or not. Meds are only part of the solution, but if you don't make a behavior mod plan, just like for our kids, we will still be unsucessful.

Next, some of the is not ADHD at all (IMHO). Parents, especially mothers, feel tremendious guilt over small things. Fathers do also, but I envy them that they seem to be able to take time for themselves easier them we do. We seem to feel a responsibility for everything, even if it was not delegated to us in the first place.

Keeping with both of these points, I have set up a system for myself that seems to work well for me. One of my loves is, obviously, the internet. Everything is available here and the shear amount of information can be addicting. Also, I tend to neglect things, mainly houselhold, when I get too into it, so, I offer it as a reward. I say to myself if I do X that will earn me X amt of time to go on the internet--guilt free. If I can do two things at once even better. Like right now, I have about 5 loads of laundry to do, but I feel ok with that b/c I have both the washer and dryer going.

Then there are days that I don't keep with the plan, but I NEED to blow stuff off, so I do. The dust police are not going to come and get me and I have made good friends with the bunnies. BUT I know that maybe later in the day, or the next day, I am going to hyperfocus on cleaning and get way ahead of the game.

We have to give ourselves permission to do this. I bet if you are like most parents, you come last. Once in a while you need to come first. It clears your head, life cannot be all work (household or otherwise) or you get burnt out. So don't look at it as being unrespoisible, look at it as a mental health exercise for yourself. Don't be harder on yourself than you would on others. As long as you are taking care of the big things, you will be ok. You are also setting an example for your Sprouts that shows them it is ok and even important to take time off and take care of you.

If you feel OK doing this you will actually be more organized and having an easier time getting things done b/c you know that time for fun stuff or projects, or anything you want.

That is just my opinion on the whole matter. Sorry it got so long, it is just one of those things that I think is really important.

Good Luck...and do be too hard on yourself...Becky

[SKay]

Wow, does this sound like me. I'm not sure I'm ADD; I may be OCD instead because I'm always focused on some unimportant thing. I think sometimes it's an escape for me, and others a form of excitement.

Kaiti, I know what you mean about no one else caring. Sometimes I just give up (for a short time) because I don't think anyone else in my house care what the place looks like and it's just too hard to do it all myself. I feel like I'm wasting my time because the place will be a mess again in no time.

[AnneM]

Oh half of me is saying YES YES YES .. this is add/adhd because I get driven MAD by my husband (who is add) and who is often intent on getting the tiny knobs on the cooker spotlessly clean whilst the "bigger picture" the whole cooker or the whole kitchen needs attention! ... BUT the other half of me is saying ... "hang on ... in other ways this is ME as well!! ... especially when the high priority work is going to cause a lot of difficulties/problems! ... (and I am not ... to the best of my knowledge.... adhd)...

I dunno ... but I wonder whether this isn't down to "basic human nature" ... ??

[eaccae]

I feel the same way. I just want an emotional vacation! I hyper focus on the lower priority issues while the world falls apart around me - which lead me into anxiety, etc. I tried and tried with the flylady system - but no one is coming to my house anytime soon!

I can feel things piling up already. It seems as soon as I get one thing complished or checked of the "list" there is something else looming over the horizon! In the meantime I'm obsessed with the wrong things!!!

[rosyred45]

I LOVE the ideas behind flylady, and they were even featured in either RedBook or Woman's Day last week, but getting those e-mails made me bonkers only because of the anxiety over getting them.....know what I mean...

I brag up the system still, and have even sent a few people there, but unfortunately I had to get off the mailing list, it got to be too much too soon for me