Feuding with DH

[mom2tj]

DH often puts his 2 cents in even if he never ever came to any dr's apointments... most of the time he just roles his eyes

we will get in fights when he sais ... "when I was a boy" AHHHH it make me sooooo mad.... or he will say "I turned out fine" its like gas in fire...... he will say that when I stress about school work, he is a taxi driver (not that there is any shame in it provides well for us) but has no higher education... his parents where not there for him in that departement his mom cant read or write could not help him with homework and his father worked all the time and never bothered.... times are different and education is essential in my oppinion anyway we dont see eye to eye on how important education is.

I must say that he is suportive in DS's ADHD he sees how DS get when off the meds and how ds is so much happier he is on them it took him a while to get it thought!

[Honeysmom]

Or my personal favroites "He'll outgrow it, or, He's a just a boy."

Like all little boys act like this....Dh is comming around

[StrugglingAgain]

Is it possible that I am the longest married on this board? It'll be thirty-four years on Valentine's Day. Imagine that? DH and I never, ever, ever fight, about anything except our son or the dog. Seldom do we fight at all and, of course, I am always right. ;D OUr son was adopted at birth, so from the beginning we were watching for trouble since his biological father is in so much trouble all the time. Now it looks like to me that his father is Bipolar and was never diagnosed OR treated, for that matter. My poor little boy has inherited all this crap that we, together, fight every single day. DH was like most fathers and in the beginning told me that there was no way his son was ADHD. THEN when the ODD raised it's head he thought differently. We don't fight and are united in his care, treatment and in protecting him, but it's a long, hard road. I know I'm being overly defensive, but I don't want my son (8) out of my sight for fear of what he may do! It feels like I'm in prison. DH loses his temper with DS more often that I would like, but it's shouting and I can't really say as I blame him. I do alot of GLARING at him when I'm angry, but to all the rest of the world, there is never a cross word between us. Even our daughter (33) is fooled!

[Honeysmom]

The good thing about fighting about your kids is that while the fights may be fierce and long, both people are fighting b/c they want the same thing...the best for the kids. It is very rare that we fight, occoasionally about something silly and it is really quick, but when it comes to the kids that is a whole differnt story. At least the fights are for a good cause.

[Douglas]

One aspect of such battles is trying to get your spouse to see traits in the child that they refuse to see, or to defend the child when your partner sees traits that aren't there. Wow, there is no tougher negotiation! It is SO difficult, because neither of you is necessarily more right than the other --- and any acknowledgment of symptoms or traits by an expert would rely largely on your observations anyway, so it's hard to be sure.

The thing to do in such situations is adopt a willingness to be wrong. Be willing to step away from your point of view and consider that you are possibly being overly defensive, or overly anxious about your child.

Hard to do!

[Honeysmom]

Douglas you are so right! He worries that I read too much into things and I worry that he blows thing soff too easily.

I started this thread a few weeks ago, and since then a lot has changed. We have had quit a few really good talks about things that we see and don't see. We agree that Honey does act different with him, and for good reason. When he spends the day with Jerry he is doing what he loves, working with the animals. Honey can tell you anything you want to know about that farm, it is phenomenal. There are six groups of animals, totalling about 400 head of cattle. He know what every group gets to eat, how much, and how to read the scale. The scale on the mixer is at about 7500 lbs when fully mixed and he can add that! He tells Jerry just how to do it. He also know what animal gets what med and why. Even the animals on special feed he can do.

That was one of the main reasons we disagreed. It is obvious that Honey is very advanced in some areas, while other lack. We have agreed that Honey has some real mood/anger/emotional issues that need to be addressed. Jerry also has realized that some of Honey's problems he also had as a kid. Jerry has extremely poor hand writing and spelling skills, and is often asked if he can read and write. He can read great, but writing is hard for him. He can't spell very well and barely knows cursive.

We agreed that everyone is different, and Honey will be different in different settings. We both agree that he needs help to be the best Honey he can be, and that is a good thing. It is much easier to handle with both of us working together and not at each others throats!!

[sierra]

I don't know much about this subject and I have no idea how early someone can be diagnosed. But it sounds like your DH could have some form of dyslexia or dysgraphia. Honey's probably too young to tell if he has dyslexia but you might want to start introducing phonics to him now. He may be old enough to figure out if he has any sensory motor or visual perception problems.

I have a BIL with dyslexia. He's real successful. I mean real successful in business. Has great people skills. His handwriting is still illegible though. Good thing or people would know how many words he misspells. BIL's memory is amazing though.

Sounds like Honey's memory is something else! For every challenge there's a strength.

[Honeysmom]

Sierra, you are right. I think every weakness is offset by a strength of some sort.

I don't know what the deal is the DH. He had some minor surgery last week and he got called back to the Doc's office b/c all of his consent forms were so sloppy the insurance company rejected them. Other times, like when we had to fill out some court papers, he got asked by the judge if he could read and write. I don't know if it is carelessness or if he really can't do it. I think it boils down to him not really caring. On the bright side, like when I have to run to the bank before they close,his name is really easy to forge, he only have to know how to scribble 3 letters!! ;D

[Douglas]

This is a very unusual condition. (the 'apathy' point is also well-taken, a strong possibility) Has anybody come across such a symptom or feature in any of their reading? If so, I'd like to know the source ...