Non-Stick Soul

[skylarkragtop]

Non-stick Soul.

I really do not know how some people do it. Are they flippant? Do they just not care? Are they too busy to be bothered? Do they have a better grip on perspective and the big picture?

How do you encounter a situation that is important to you emotionally, learn of a disappointment, and then continue on with your everyday life? I find myself woefully unable to refrain from getting bent out of shape. When faced with an unsavory turn of events, I am wrecked until I make a deliberate effort to talk myself out of it. The automatic mechanisms are not there. I cant just immediately assess the situation and assign the correct priority rank. I cant seem to muster up the “wait and see” that so many people seem fond of. I just run all the worst possible scenarios in my mind, spin my wheels and run into a ditch. If I didn’t find a way to talk myself back into the groove, I could probably wallow and flounder around in a funk for a very long time. It happens.

I’d love to be one of those people who just manage to say “Really? Something sad happened? That’s too bad. Next.” Then move on. Do they have something I don’t? Or perhaps they just don’t get as emotionally involved as I might. Or maybe they just get involved in a different set of things. Maybe they’d lose their cool over something I’d shrug off. Am I simply out of phase with the rest of them? Is the way I’m wired pulling me in when the rest of the world backs out?

If only I could find a way to not care the way I do. It would save me a lot of trouble. Allow me to restate that: if only I could find away to care about the more important things, putting everything into proper perspective, instead of getting hung up on the emotional aspects of situations and taking everything as though there’s no reason to have any hope, since the world has a personal vendetta against me.

Logically, intellectually, I know that it doesn’t. But when I’m in the midst of a down moment, it sure feels that way. I know that I have so much to be happy about. Yet, when certain things happen, gloom and doom mode kicks in, and I am a very unhappy camper. By all rights, I shouldn’t be. I have every reason to be happy-go-lucky. But it’s not in me. All the good that I have in life ought to add up and make for a well-seasoned individual to which nothing sticks, like a well-seasoned cast iron pan. Treated right, used purposefully, and permanently encrusted with the history of successful creations gone by. That’s not me. My life seems more like scorching after scorching, the rigors of cleanup overpowering the moments where everything did come out all right. Though I wish I did, I do not have a non-stick soul.

SR

[Honeysmom]

I know what you have that they do not...a heart. Some people can't let things go, I can't and neither can my Mother-in-law. She gets so bent out of shape about things that actually really should not bother her at all she can't sleep. If she hears of a bad accident that a child was in, she can't sleep until she has really thought about it.

I know what you mean about being consumed with gloom and doom. I think sometimes when you have gone through an emotinal trying expeirence in the past you are more pone to those feelings.

Don't let yourself get down. I think the feelings you are talking about show good charectar. IMHO you should be proud of yourself. That is who you are, you are a carer. Caring is a wonderful virtue. I would take it anyday over not caring, or worse yet, not even feeling. Feeling pain, angry, frustration, and all the other negative ones are the things that make us strong in the end.

[LitlBaa]

My husband and I are opposites when it comes to this. He feels things very deeply and is easily wounded. I am more likely to pass it off and not react. He is a kinder and gentler person than I am. I know that I can be hard and unsympathetic. His response in a tough situation is "flight", and I'll hop right in and "fight". I'll stand on a chair to get in your face, he'll reason with you.

It isn't that I don't care about things, because I do. Over the years, I've developed a pretty tough hide and spent way too much time in survival mode. Now that I have a husband I can trust and things are going well, I should be able to relax, right? No, I can't. Along with the tough hide comes an inability to trust or love or care too much.

Bottom line is, I'm not willing to take a chance on getting hurt so badly again. Skylark, you wish for a non-stick soul? I wish I didn't have one.

[Honeysmom]

Litlbaa, at least you have learned, I will keep going back for more. I am short, so I am also a good one for getting out the chair just to get up in your face. Make me stronger if I can look in you eye.

[on_edge]

I think I understand what you are saying, Skylark. I, myself, can get so wrapped up in an event or injustice or even a negative comment. It can take over my thoughts completely for what seems like eternity.

There is something I read very recently on ADHD and self-esteem. I don't know if it fits here, but it definitely worth a thought. Many ADHDer's fight a low self-esteem and have great difficulty dealing with time association and perspective. For example, many ADHDer's can have lots of successes, but they only base their self-worth on their last perceived failure or being able to determine time-limits on behavior/feelings. Possibly hyperfocus.

I tend to overfocus on emotional or doom/gloom events. I also don't understand why with all the 100's of thoughts running through my head that my mind seems to grasp that one and don't let go.

Stephanie

[sierra]

I've got a superglue soul I think. I never forget a truly unkind word or deed. I may forgive but forget? Not likely. And the next time the same person does something boom! I remember everything they ever did to me since the Big Bang that rubbed me the wrong way. And I'll be glad to give them a synopsis. Or a dissertation if they prefer.

Fortunately it does take quite a bit to get me seriously riled. But lord help us once I'm riled.

My DH is a lot more volatile than me. He can get his dander up a dozen times in a day. And no. Dander is not an anatomical part. After my balls comment the other day I figure I better clarify ;D

Once when we were still a young couple he decided to see just what it took to get me really angry. Because he was always the one getting ticked off and I was always the one being reasonable.

Well he managed it. He found out what it takes to make me mad and he found out what happens when I get good and mad too. If I love the person I just leave before I say or do something I'll regret or they'll find unforgivable. And I don't come home until I know I really calmed down too. He got to drum his fingers and consider his words for several hours before I put in an appearance.

Fortunately one test was all it took. He's never just gone out of his way to make me mad since then.

I try real hard not to hold things against people. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. And if all else fails I try real hard not to let them realize that I think they're infidels who will go unforgiven to their graves. But inside? Nope. Never forgotten. Good thing I'm not in charge of who gets through the pearly gates.

[lionlady]

Hmmm, non-stick soul.

I wonder if you are truly so unusual, in that disappointments can send you into a downward emotional spiral. I find myself wondering if, as a result of the inevitable social isolation that tends to result from the scatteredness of having ADD, you are not so unusual as you think you are. Its just that you rarely observe acquaintences and friends going through the same turmoil.

Not that I mean to demean the pain and frustration of having to dig yourself out of an emotional pit with every disappointment.

You say that you are able to talk yourself out of it, so, what is the problem? Is it that you want the roller coaster ride to flatten out? Wouldn't that be its own sort of HELL? We thrive on adversity and mayhem sometimes.

I will admit that my dh - who is soooo NON ADD - is the one to get himself into a royal, scary snit if things don't go the way he expects them to. He would go off by himself, and if I tried to draw him out, he would go on about being stupid and useless, or some other unrealistic nonsense. It used to be scary. It happens on a random basis.

My son has inherited the same behavior and it leaves me positively helpless and frustrated beyond description. Keep reminding yourself that things will get better.

My mom has a knack of ruining my day with these little "helpful" notes she sends me. Notes that would be best written for her own benefit and tossed in the trash. But, she sends them and I can't help but open them and read them... arrrgh. I cry and storm around. Then write a reply, throw it away, and get on with life.

Not sure I can offer anything else. Hugs.