adhd a joke???

[wifeguy]

I dont have ADHD but my husband does, and everyone will be talking about the silly funny thoughtless (apprently thoughtless) things he does and making jokes...calling him the Mad Painter (he paints for people in his spare time)......sometimes ryan is there sometimes not....if he is he laughs it all off....but i think it hurts....

i will stop them all and say i know it all seems like ryans just nonchilant and could care less but that it is actually his disbility...he tires his very best he is just distracted and his head is rushing with ideas on what to do next and what he is currently doing (normally what to do next)

...silence..

...laughter....

yeah right meliss....is all i hear...more laughter..

my mom is manic depressive and she is really the only one who give my husband credit...my dad is not bad either...but my sister and he fiance both love ryan dearly but think hes just a goof off.....his dad (who is his arch nemisis) has just been diagnoise at age 50.....after me basically saying we would not be having any contact with his parnets and our children(unborn so far) would not step foot in the house until his dad got some help...(very abusive and demeaning man (seems like an not a very nice person but i think its years of untreated adhd) very selfish and materialistic)

how can they laugh....
to do any task as sucessfully as i do ryan has to put in 150 % effort.....i have so much resect for my husband and how he lives his life with adhd....

[rosyred45]

As a mom of a son who has been dx'ed ahdh and with a husband and brother-in-law that should have been(sometimes I figure me too, just haven't gotten to the doc's yet), I can feel for you. Actually if we took my mother-in-law she would be dx'ed too. My MIL is very self centered and materialistic.

I'm glad to hear that your parents are understanding of Ryan. Just keep your chin up!! Do you know how many projects we have half finished around my house??? alot. It's gotten to the point that if I want it done, I'll just go ahead and finish it. Not holding it against my hubby, but that's where we sometimes compliment each other. He reminds me and I remind him. Or we'll look at each other and throw our hands up in the air.

We have gotten to the point of ignoring anything negative when it comes to family and friends. We have even stopped going to my parents as much because they basically put our part of the family on the back burner.

My sister and her husband have no kids, they own a house, 2 new vehicles, a boat, an RV, money out the wazoo. Us, we rent, have 2 kids, 1 vehicle that breaks down everytime we start to get ahead, barely make ends meet, (matter of fact, phone got turned off yesterday,, yippee no telemarketers during dinner!!!!!)but we are happier than they will ever be.!!!!!!!!!

That might all sound depressing, BUT we have a little boat AND a canoe...hahaha...I don't think THEY have a canoe. But you know what, if we had the money that they did, and had the things they did, we'd STILL be better off. They sit around and talk about people and get ignorant. My husband, like yours with a "nonchalant" aura about him doesn't have time for that non-sense. Period. He has better things to do.

OK, I'll cut it off now, just don't feel too bad. Gotta look at the bright side, at least you know you have a GREAT GUY!!!!
Kaiti

[ohmama]

It would seem from how you describe your husbands attitude toward his disability that he has grown to accept it without anger or resentment. This is wonderful, this is half the battle of having any disorder.

As for those who surround him... It is up to each individual to accept with grace, to reject with anger, or feel hurt or embarrassed by him. It is a choice we each have. Your husband has set the perfect example on how he carries himself. He must be a very classy guy.

[Honeysmom]

I agree with Rosyred and OhMamma, but I also wonder if they do not know how else to react. Maybe they do not want to ignore it all together, but they end up handling it totally wrong.

If they just do not "get" it then I would distance myself for a while until they realize that you've been hurt. Even if it truly does not bother your hubby, which on some level it probably does, you have every right to be offended b/c he is the man you love. Insulting him is also an insult to you.

I have made it personal policy to keep my son's and my ADHD/ADD on a need to know basis, and not many people need to know!!!

Good luck...Becky

[LitlBaa]

My hubby was recently dx'd at 42. He spent his entire life feeling second best, like he could never finish anything, and wasn't worthy of having anything good. Now we're still tweaking meds, but he's a full time college student who's working part time, and is a great hubby and stepdad to my DD12.

Do your best to build up hubby and stay away from negative people. I'm sure it does hurt, even if he laughs it off.

[wifeguy]

thanks for all the replies!

[Sam*]

To Litlbaa with recently diagnosed husband who is tweaking meds...

Just a reminder that hopefully the pysch and others have told you that for most people the meds don't "cure" ADHD. They help, but it is a lifelong struggle using many support mechanisms as well as many rounds of tweaking/experimenting with meds.

Of course, having a supportive partner is huge asset for him.

Best,

Sam*

[1mom]

great reminder sam. and welcome! we're glad you've come aboard.
prayers,
1mom

[LitlBaa]

We both know ADHD is a way of life (especially around here!) and the meds help him focus. He's switched from Strattera to Ritalin, the Strattera made his head fuzzy and he was exhausted all the time, and the Ritalin has sharpened his thinking and he's more organized. School starts Monday so we'll see how it goes when homework is thrown into the mix!