Counseling working for your kids?

[AustinsMom]

Austin is seeing a tutor who is trained in the Lindamood Bell method for work on reading and spelling. There are no Lindamood Bell centers anywhere close to us, but I managed to find someone who trained and worked at a center in Florida for 5 years. She is now getting her PhD in psychology in our area. She is in the final stages of training to be a child psychologist. She also has an 11 y/o son with ADHD and a 16 y/o daughter with LD, which is what led her to the tutoring training.

So she is uniquely qualified for what she does, and she has a really nice touch with Austin. You know how some people know how to teach but can't interact well with kids? (We had a teacher like that last year....) From the start, she has done well with getting him motivated and to cooperate and working through his stalling and frustration. I feel like she really "gets" him, and also likes him.

Dale and I had a meeting with her tonight because she wanted to talk with us about therapy for Austin. She feels like his frustration, anger, and other emotional issue are at the point where they are having a big impact on his learning, and that we need to spend some time dealing with the emotions. We feel strongly that we don't want to add another person into the mix, and are going to use her for play therapy and behavioral issues.

So....have you guys tried therapy? (I know you have catatonic, and are pleased.) Did you see improvements with them being able to verbalize their emotions? (the customary response is anger now.) Did they develop an understanding of what is different with them? Did you see esteem changes? Did you incorporate family therapy too? Was that helpful? Just looking for the customary good advice and helpful hints I am so accustomed to finding here.

I've been out of the loop quite abit this summer. Dale broke his ankle on Memorial day weekend, had surgery, and has been non-weight bearing all summer........kind of changed my "things to do" around the house. Like, now EVERYTHING is on my to do list:-) He just started working back to walking on it this week, so maybe by the end of summer my life will be back to normal.

[catatonic]

I think "normal" is a condition we keep hoping for but never really manage to find around here!

Counseling has been working out really well for Challenge Boy. I think we've seen it's biggest impact in self-esteem, which was my major concern and the area his psychologist and I discussed putting particular emphasis on. He also shows greater willingness to talk about things that upset him which has helped reduce the number of angry outbursts. The psychologist talks to me for the first 10 or 15 minutes of each hour-long session so that she can target issues that are of primary importance at that moment. Makes me feel like I'm important, too!

We're planning on incorporating Number One Son into the therapeutic mix because he and Challenge Boy are like two angry bears in a cage. Number One is, in general, absolutely awful to Challenge Boy. I'm hoping that going together to the psychologist will help them both express and deal with the resentments that lead them to be so horrible to one another.

My perspective on "talk therapy" is that the most important element is the relationship between your child and his psychologist. This has a bigger impact than the method they use or anything else. Outcome research on psychological counseling bears this out, that the most important variable in determining a successful outcome is the bond between doctor and patient. So choose your practitioner with care. Don't be afraid to go in for a trial visit and never go back.

I asked friends and acquaintances for their recommendations and made a "short list" with 4 names on it. I talked to two psychologists over the phone and a third one in person before finding the woman that we currently use. She's wonderful, obviously likes my son, he adores her, I'm very comfortable with her. It's a great situation.

I don't think I'd personally want to use the same person for learning disability issues as well as talk therapy. The role of therapist is fundamentally different from the instructional/directive function of a tutor. I think it would be worth finding someone else so that you can keep those roles separate.

And while we are paying a fair amount for our psychologist's time, it doesn't have to be expensive. I know our insurance covers a network provider at 90%. Trouble is, our network included only 2 psychologists and neither one of them made it to my "short list" since I didn't hear a single good word about either one of them. So we went out-of-network and are paying 40% out of pocket, which is $45 for each bi-weekly visit.

I'd give it a shot. It's been very good for my boy.

[AustinsMom]

Thanks for the info catatonic. I knew you were pleased, but it was good to hear specifics. Don't think my ds is a good candidate for traditional talk therapy. I think we'll be using play therapy and art therapy as activities to promote talk/expression of emotions and work on behavioral issues.

I know what you mean about the dual relationship issue. Dale and I met with her last week to discuss everything. She isn't necessarly promoting herself, but at this point we feel like she is the best one for several reasons.

1. She is not a flake. As a psychologist, Dale is the first to admit that many psychs are weird and she is very normal.

2. Austin sees too many people--we have your basic pediatrician, plus the Pfeiffer folks, allergy dr, and the tutor. We're afraid it sends to strong a message that he is "defective"; he's starting to get sensitive to that.

3. You are so right about the most important factor being the relationship of counselor and client, and Austin likes and works well with her.

4. And probably the most important--his learning disability is such a part of this. His frustration, low self esteem, impulsivity, anger, all are showing up in force for tutoring so she is already having to deal with them. They are intricately intertwined and are kind of a package deal.

5. This doesn't really classify as a a dual relationship and is not outside the bounds of ethics. It is a unique situation that she is a tutor and has worked at that while getting her PhD. She is in her year of supervision, so is fully trained but cannot practice independently yet.

We'll have to have a meeting with all 4 of us, and talk with ds about the changing role. We both really trust her and her skills, so feel we have to go with our gut. I'll let you know how it goes.