Post by catatonic on Jan 11, 2004 9:49:19 GMT -5
I think we're all in a very, very difficult position. Do we use medications that won't actually cure anything but will make the symptoms controllable, as long as we're willing to risk potentially awful side effects? Do we use more natural methods that are largely experimental, may or may not do any good, and require huge time and energy commitments from us? Is it better or worse to have a child who develops tics or one who continues to struggle in school because of lack of attentiveness?
I occasionally suffer bouts of uncertainty where I feel like I'm prolonging my son's suffering by avoiding use of medications. Or, as our school's counselor says, "denying him the medicine he needs". (Believe it or not, I didn't deck her when she said that to me last year. If she said it now, I probably couldn't control myself.) These moments usually come when he is reacting to something and his behavior is particularly awful.
And I'm one of the lucky ones, in so many ways. For one thing, although my boy's response hasn't been perfect, he's responded extremely well to diet changes and supplements. Well enough that at most times I don't even feel medication is necessary (although it might make things easier at school.)
For another thing, he "just" has ADHD. There are no comorbids. And despite being frequently obnoxious, he remains a basically good kid - affectionate, motivated to succeed in school, desiring of approval. He doesn't fight, steal, etc.
I know many parents face far worse challenges than I'm dealing with and have been forced to recognize that their children don't "just" have ADHD, but possibly other more severe psychological disorders as well. I ask myself frequently whether I would retain my strong commitment to avoiding psychoactive medications were my boy to be diagnosed, for example, with schizophrenia.
Anyway, what prompted all this rambling was OhMama's simple comment, "My boy needs help." If only the answer were as straightforward as the problem. If a straightforward answer existed, I guarantee OhMama would have found it by now, because she is smart, thorough and persistent. What we're dealing with isn't straightforward, like a cut to stitch up or a tumor to remove. It's amazingly complex, frustrating, overwhelming, discouraging... but we keep trying.
And at the end of the day, we may have to acknowledge that we made mistakes, but everything we're doing, we're doing out of love for our children. And in the long run, I truly believe that our love will have a far more enduring impact on them than our mistakes.
There was supposed to be a point in here somewhere, but I seem to have lost track of it. So hang in there, OhMama. I'm sure whatever decision you make, it will be an informed one with your boy's best interests at heart.
I occasionally suffer bouts of uncertainty where I feel like I'm prolonging my son's suffering by avoiding use of medications. Or, as our school's counselor says, "denying him the medicine he needs". (Believe it or not, I didn't deck her when she said that to me last year. If she said it now, I probably couldn't control myself.) These moments usually come when he is reacting to something and his behavior is particularly awful.
And I'm one of the lucky ones, in so many ways. For one thing, although my boy's response hasn't been perfect, he's responded extremely well to diet changes and supplements. Well enough that at most times I don't even feel medication is necessary (although it might make things easier at school.)
For another thing, he "just" has ADHD. There are no comorbids. And despite being frequently obnoxious, he remains a basically good kid - affectionate, motivated to succeed in school, desiring of approval. He doesn't fight, steal, etc.
I know many parents face far worse challenges than I'm dealing with and have been forced to recognize that their children don't "just" have ADHD, but possibly other more severe psychological disorders as well. I ask myself frequently whether I would retain my strong commitment to avoiding psychoactive medications were my boy to be diagnosed, for example, with schizophrenia.
Anyway, what prompted all this rambling was OhMama's simple comment, "My boy needs help." If only the answer were as straightforward as the problem. If a straightforward answer existed, I guarantee OhMama would have found it by now, because she is smart, thorough and persistent. What we're dealing with isn't straightforward, like a cut to stitch up or a tumor to remove. It's amazingly complex, frustrating, overwhelming, discouraging... but we keep trying.
And at the end of the day, we may have to acknowledge that we made mistakes, but everything we're doing, we're doing out of love for our children. And in the long run, I truly believe that our love will have a far more enduring impact on them than our mistakes.
There was supposed to be a point in here somewhere, but I seem to have lost track of it. So hang in there, OhMama. I'm sure whatever decision you make, it will be an informed one with your boy's best interests at heart.
Seriously though, it is very hard not to take the blame and fill yourself full of guilt for the way our kids are. I have to tell myself every single day that it is not anything I could have prevented.