Walking in new territory

[milesofsmiles]

I know the chances of me jinxing this is pretty high, but I feel a jumble of emotions. Nathan started taking some medicine for his newly diagnosed anxiety. I know I should feel like jumping for joy, but something is holding me back. I can't put my finger on it.

Over the past week he has progressively been changing. More of mellowing, taking more responsibilty for himself, not getting as frustrated with things, he expresses his thoughts and feeling, well... for the first time ever. It is like we have a new son. Gosh, I wish I could shake the feeling. He has never acted so well in his entire life. It is weird, it is a relief, it is scarey. Maybe I feel guilty for not finding this sooner, his life could have been so much better.

I know I can't blame myself, I did not know. Right now it is hard to shake the feeling of dread, when I am about to ask him to change what he is doing. I actually dreaded waking him up in the morning, picking him up at night, and having him change tasks. He would instantly go from a 0 to 10 on the rage scale. I have come to expect this. To be honest this is really overwhelming for me and I am having a hard time enjoying it for some reason.

Miles

[camismom]

Miles, that is completely understandable. Awful as it may sound we get used to the struggles of raising our kids and when things are going good, it is easy to adopt the "this is too good to be true" feelings. It's easy for us to think, "ok, well this is good now, but due to past experiences I know the bottom is going to drop out from under me again one day", so we walk around on eggshells waiting for it to happen unable to enjoy the moment. I understand the feeling of dread... been there, done that. We want to enjoy our kids not fight with them. We psych ourselves up every morning with little scenarios in our heads of waking them up with kiss and a sweet good morning and them doing the same... only to be disappointed AGAIN. Just always remember you are doing the best you can and all you can and hard as it may be, try to live in the moment, day by day. When the day gets here that the med needs adjusting and the anxious Nathan reappears handle it and worry about it then.

[Linda]

camismom said:

Miles, that is completely understandable. Awful as it may sound we get used to the struggles of raising our kids and when things are going good, it is easy to adopt the "this is too good to be true" feelings. It's easy for us to think, "ok, well this is good now, but due to past experiences I know the bottom is going to drop out from under me again one day", so we walk around on eggshells waiting for it to happen unable to enjoy the moment. I understand the feeling of dread... been there, done that. We want to enjoy our kids not fight with them. We psych ourselves up every morning with little scenarios in our heads of waking them up with kiss and a sweet good morning and them doing the same... only to be disappointed AGAIN. Just always remember you are doing the best you can and all you can and hard as it may be, try to live in the moment, day by day. When the day gets here that the med needs adjusting and the anxious Nathan reappears handle it and worry about it then.

Oh Boy Christy...I couldn't agree with you more...that feeling of dread does not quite go away

Miles...I totally understand what you are saying and right now I am really happy for you. It might take awhile but try and enjoy it.I think you are on the right track with nate. At least you know this type of med works for him.

Paul is 17 and I still have this feeling of dread but it is lesser now.The feelings never go away so know you are not alone.