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Post by StrugglingAgain on Nov 2, 2003 21:47:50 GMT -5
I am totally at my wits end! My son (8) is dx severe ADHD and ODD. Does ODD mean that he will never, ever, ever do something that I say? He backtalks terribly, shows zero respect. I get so frustrated that I don't know what to do with myself OR him. I've used every behavior mod that the child psychologist has suggested and it seems nothing works. Please...someone give me some ideas on what I can do to try to get my son to listen once in awhile!
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Post by MrWhipple on Nov 2, 2003 22:58:19 GMT -5
I doesn't sound like your son has ODD. ODD usually involves rituals that have to be done at certain times -- like giving 17 kisses to a teddy bear before bed time, no more, no less. My son (7) has ADHD and gets really upset when the smallest, inconsequential stuff happens, but I wouldn't classify that as ODD. He seems has the same disobedience problems that your son has. It's frustrating.  |
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Post by Dad2Brooke on Nov 2, 2003 23:50:13 GMT -5
I doesn't sound like your son has ODD. ODD usually involves rituals that have to be done at certain times -- like giving 17 kisses to a teddy bear before bed time, no more, no less. I think you are describing OCD Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, ODD is Oppositional Defiance Disorder. |
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Post by Sorka on Nov 3, 2003 8:02:16 GMT -5
Yes Mr. Whipple is escribing an obsessive compulsive.
There is a book out there the explosive chil which may be of help.
What behaviours have you worke on? one at a time or all at once. It might help to focus on one at a time with the techniques the psyc gave you.
Also is your son on anything like strattera or webutrin? some times you can look at those an others to help..
also look at what he is eating. Certain ingreiants in meals like colourings an preservatives, also they can be sensitive to the natural sugars in some fruits etc. If you keep track of this an see how the behaviour is an what was eaten you may see a pattern. It's worth a shot. I know eliminating colours from my son't repetoire makes him less hyper an there are less fights with his sister.
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Post by dansmommy on Nov 3, 2003 15:45:28 GMT -5
My ds is eight also and we've been through these really frustrating phases too. When he was almost seven I was at the end of my rope with him and I found _Your Defiant Child_ by Russell Barkley. I really liked the first phase, in which the parent would interact with the child for 20 minutes a day in an activity of the child's choice, and the parent was not supposed to give any directions, but just to comment on what the child did. This is supposed to get the parent out of giving so many negative directions I think, but for us it just gave us a chance to have some positive interactions and re-connect. We are now in counseling (again) and what this has done for me the most is that the therapist can tell dh that it doesn't help to yell at ds or to threaten him with spankings, etc. It really helps when ds's on Prozac as he doesn't seem to be so ready to fight about every little thing. Best wishes to you. I'll probably be writing to complain about ds's behavior and attitude next week. christie
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MommaToFive
Full Member
With God all things are possible!!
Posts: 113
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Post by MommaToFive on Nov 3, 2003 16:14:41 GMT -5
StrugglingAgain, I fell for you hun!! I am right where you are! I understand the feeling of being at a loss. I know hoew frustrating and upseting that can be.. Just the night before last I was at my wits end with everything. Just to give you a background... My hubby was out of work for a month.. Been trying to take care of a family of 7 with no money and so many other things going on.. Plus 3 of my 5 have had "pink eye", which now dh has. And he is one of those men that if he nicks his finger he is dying. On top of that I am out in the middle of nowhere....To top all this off my sweet, loving, not so patient 9yo son with ADHD/ODD is out of control!! I dont really have any advise but just know you are not alone!! And hang in there, it is bound to get better.. Right?  ? RIGHT!!!! My thoughts and prayers are with you!! Erin |
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Post by Foley on Nov 4, 2003 5:20:53 GMT -5
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Post by weskie on Nov 19, 2003 17:11:41 GMT -5
I just wanted to offer some encouragement about the ODD. DD, 25, ADD, had ODD as a young child. It seemed as if our family was in a war zone just about all the time. She started therapy at age 7 and a year later was already a lot better. Medication might have helped her, but the therapist wasn't into that. Now at age 25 the ODD has vanished. Ritalin helps her study (she's in a Ph.D. program!). She remains very inattentive when not on Ritalin, but is no longer a " Difficult" person! For her, therapy was key, but I think age also made a tremendous difference.
Speaking of medication--I took Zoloft (an antidepressant) for a while and it had the effect of increasing my patience tremendously. I was able to let a lot of the behavior just roll off my back (and no--I wasn't "zonked")! It was a tremendous help to me--and to the kids!
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Post by milesofsmiles on Nov 26, 2003 18:05:30 GMT -5
Our ds 6 was diagnosed ADHD/ODD. Heavy on the ODD. I sought out help when he would literally do what I told him not to do and I was too tired to turn around and do anything about it. There was no magic button or pill to push in order to get him to change. The first thing that I had to do was change myself. I had to say to myself that things were going to get worse before they got better. I most of all had to follow though with action when I said I would, no matter how tired I was. What happened over the course of months was that a new trust was established. He knew when I counted down that I meant business and if he did not follow though something unpleasant was going to happen. I gave him choices to increase his independence. With lots of praise and follow up on my own, he is given more free reign. When he pulls away and defies, he is quickly boxed in structure. Kids actually crave structure. With ADHD, you have to break it down into small pieces, with lots of praise and support. Sometimes you have to make drastic measures to make the point that there are better alternatives. He knows that I am serious when I issue an ultimatum like Get dressed by the time the timer goes off or you will be getting dressed in the parking lot at school..." He trusts me now, something that I was very soft on for the first years of his life. With respect to the ODD, we still have some difficult times that he just wants to do the opposite. He is very grumpy and does not do anything I ask. So in order to have a win/win situation, I tell him not to be happy, not to laugh, not to smile. For us it has worked time and time again. Hope you all have a nice Thanksgiving. Our DS has been home from school for the past 2 days with a horrible cold. We may be having peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches tomorrow  Miles:) |
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Post by AnneM on Nov 29, 2003 12:53:21 GMT -5
I have read (in the book "If my kids so nice why is he driving ME crazy?" that with ODD kids (when they get older & fully-grown) will normally look back and say "Wow!! I did give my poor Mum a hard time" .... and by then the ODD will be (to the most part) GONE! As I understand it ODD IS something they will "grow out of" .... (as opposed unfortunately to "conduct disorder" which unfortunately is not so straightforward).
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Post by swmom on Dec 4, 2003 15:32:30 GMT -5
Struggling Again -
I have recently discovered something that helps when my daughter starts getting really oppositional and defiant, whiny, etc. I imitate her with great exaggeration, enough so that it's humorous. My daughter starts laughing at me because I look and sound so ridiculous and that DIFFUSES the situation. The idea to do this came about after we rented "Singing in the Rain" a few weeks ago.
The lead actress with that terrible voice just cracked my daughter up. When my daughter starts the whiny stuff, I imitate her(the actress) and instead of using words I just say, "Me, me, me, me" in a real whiny tone of voice, as if I were whining for the 1,000th time that day.
Maybe having a good laugh released some kind of hormone, who knows. But, so far, it seems to be working.
Good luck. I know how awful it is when they get that way. You'll find a way around it soon.
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Post by Honeysmom on Dec 9, 2003 22:58:40 GMT -5
IMHO, you have to pick your battles to win the war. Since your DS is older than mine I am sure it is easier for me. The battles I usually engage in are ones I can either prove he is wrong, such as lying, or things I have decided I can live with. Honey is as sweet as they come, but he can be a little stinker.
When it comes to getting violent I do not take it. If that means I have to drag him to his room and hold the door shut just to prove that I am going to follow through on a threat I made, I will. Believe me I have had many scrapes, bruises, and cuts as a result. I just pray it will pay off in the end.
Lying is something I cannot always get him on. I only go after this one if I know I can prove him wrong. Like if I saw it or heard the action he is denying I can "prove it." I also picked up a line from Dad2brooke, "Jesus does not like it when we lie." Ah yes, I am not above playing the guilt card. Whatever works.
Another thing that works for me is letting him win little battles. If he insists on wearing a tank top to school in the middle of winter, I'll go with it as long as he wears the coat. I can be the queen of negotiation.
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Post by swmom on Dec 10, 2003 6:12:27 GMT -5
Struggling Again -
I had another thought. We were having a lot of trouble with our daughter doing the same sorts of things your son is doing - lots of talking back, etc. Another thing we did was to make this chart which up in the kitchen. Every time she demonstrates good self control or NOT talking back or being polite or especially helpful or responding to a request we make the 1ST time, etc., we give her a happy face sticker. If she gets 10 for the month, she gets to go to toy store and get whatever she wants for $10 or less. This is working nicely. It's really making her stop and THINK before she acts, talks, whatever. We try to catch her being good. We even say things like, "You could've said something rude right then, but you didn't and that's really good!" "Great job!" Makes her feel like she's making progress and that we're on her side, instead of being the big, bad parent.
It helps.
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Post by StrugglingAgain on Dec 11, 2003 15:19:12 GMT -5
Ripley's Believe It or Not, my child is not showing as many signs of ODD as he was when I started this thread (slight improvement). Could it be the Risperdal? I also read somewhere that most likely no one will "outgrow" ADHD or tendencies of such, but that ODD can be outgrown. Has anyone else heard/read that? I can hardly imagine someone/anyone trying to go to high school or keeping a job with this kind of defiance. Back in the Dark Ages one would be promptly kicked out of school or fired on the spot from a job. I've also had my share of blood and bruises.......did ya ever think your little darling could do that to his MOTHER? I didn't!
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~~~~Erin~~~~ 
