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Post by loveforeric on Feb 4, 2004 9:43:02 GMT -5
I don't know what is going on lately... Eric has been diagnosed since last January. And I just through myself into helping him get school help, setting up his routine, doc appts. to set up meds., change in the fmaily diet, amd so on that we all do... It has been in the last couple of months that I feel like a Mac truck hit me about my ds8. All kinds of emotions about it. I have always had a very positive attitude to all things life...I usually just pick up and get on with life, do what needs to be done... I am really frustrated with all of the backlash and behavior lately... Actually today, we went to the busstop, and ds8 was pretty good until the other kids came. It is like he gets nervous and wants everyone to laugh to ease his discomfort or something. When I went to stop him from hitting his brother my ds8 came down on my arm and hurt himself. Then he proceeded to yell at me in front of the other parents not to hurt him again. I got so upset that I raised my voice and walked toward my house, telling him that he was to just get on the bus and goodbye. I then stormed halfway so I could still see them and just started crying.... My little tantrum must have made the other parents think I am horrible to my child. Sorry this is so long, I just need someone to tell me how or what to do? I have read there is a grieving process to all of this... I always thought I could be positive and bypass that. I don't know anymore... I love my ds8 so much and feel like he must know that but does he??? Thanks for listening., Christina  |
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Post by Dad2Brooke on Feb 4, 2004 10:02:04 GMT -5
Christina, it is so frustrating isn't it. You bend over backwards trying to control everything and then something minor and unforeseen blows up into the biggest thing.
My daughter seems to do that as well, by herself she can be pretty calm, but put her in a situation where you are hoping and praying she will behave and she acts up, and invariably, it ends bad.
So what to do about the other parents? Well hopefully they will understand. I have had talks with all the parents at Brooke's bus stop. Some parents will understand, and some won't. You really can't do anything about those parents, and until they have walked a mile in your shoes, they have no right to judge.
You are not a bad parent! You are doing everything in your power to help Eric! You know in your heart that what I am saying is true.
"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."
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Post by loveforeric on Feb 4, 2004 10:15:48 GMT -5
Dad2Brooke;
Thank You! I have calmed down a bit... I guess that I am a little tired right now.
The neighbors pretty much have no real understanding. I have told the judgemental Mom about Eric so she would understand that he just does this... However she looks at me oddly, and by the way tries to give me advice on how to deal with Eric. LOLOL because I have to tell you that without all of you supporting me and every book and research I can find, I can't do it. How can she. She just gave me a dirty look today, I wish she could just have one day babysitting Eric and see.
Here I go again, I know that we all get upset but I just don't want to embarrass my ds7 who is noly mild add and has enough to deal with being his brother...
Have a peaceful day,
Christina
P.S. Did you ever give information to your neighbors to read so they could see it in writing? It was suggested to me by a teacher friend of mine to do...Any thoughts?
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Post by Dad2Brooke on Feb 4, 2004 11:07:06 GMT -5
Oh yeah, I did that. I gave them this: www.chadd.org/fs/fs1.htmI also wrote a letter to all of the parents in my cul-de-sac, in which I explained Brooke and all we have done for her. A copy of it is in this thread here: click hereAfter the letter was mailed, this is a thread about confrontations with the parents at the bus stop: click hereAfter all of this and now a couple of months later, Brooke plays with three families in the cul-de-sac. Three others go out of their way to avoid her. Win some, lose some. But it is their loss, not Brooke's! (Sorry for all the links, but I feel that you are in the same spot I was, and although the incidents are different, the attitudes and uninformedness of the parents is the same.) |
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Post by Honeysmom on Feb 4, 2004 12:02:20 GMT -5
Christina, don't feel bad. Everyone looses it sometimes, and if they say they don't they are either lying or are not quite right! ;D
It's ok to get mad at him, and if your snotty nieghbor does not like it forget her. Personally I would not apologize to her, then she will get the impression that she is "above" you again. I would act like it never happened. And I think it is a great idea to give them informaiton like D2B said, and then if any of the parents bring it up you can find a way to work into the conversation that you regret that day at the bus stop ever happened. Some of them may understand.
That other lady sounds like one of those people who does everything right and her kids never get dirty either! I bet she doesn't even eat ice cream out of the container. ;D When talking to her keep in the back of your mind "Let he who is without fault cast the first stone."
Good Luck.....Becky
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Post by ohmama on Feb 4, 2004 12:04:56 GMT -5
Love for Eric,
You are so right when you talk about the grieving process.
I found this to be very necessary as part of the acceptance
I had to go through with my boys. Every once in a while I
have to start the process all over again (like during a new
crisis).
For me it meant not being so concerned about what other people thought. I have learned to harden or distance myself from the stares and criticism of ignorant people. I don't want their approval or understanding, they are not capable of giving it. I have learned to accept this as their limitations. At first I did this with anger till I realized it was making me miserable and impossible to accept anything in that frame of mind. Then I was able to realize what was really important. Not how these people felt but how I felt and how my boys felt. It became our own little world and few people are let in.
I don't know how healthy this attitude is but I know it gets me
through the day and we are all a lot happier. It's almost impossible to embarrass me now and my sense of humor has improved tremendously. I think that's what love does.
Please know that we all understand what you are going through.
Just remember when those difficult times come, and they will, imagine me there with you and smile. You are not alone.
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Post by finnmom on Feb 4, 2004 15:10:22 GMT -5
Loveforeric  I too, know what you´re talking. It´s hard to have to cope, have to make adjustment´s, have to make way for your child, defend him, advocate for his benevit etc. Most of the time you´ll be o´kay, there is too much to count for loosing, too mush to do, too many people to handle, too much everything...... and then, there come´s the strow that break´s the camel´s back, just too much for that moment  Sometime´s I just loose it, I yell, I cry, I bang my fist to the wall because of that feeling of not beeing enough, not doing enough, not supporting enough, not being good enough as a mother, as aperson, not worth of anything  ...... It´s o´kay to feel like that, it´s just a sign of how comitted you are for your couse, how stressed of this all, how loving and caring mother you are. Sometime´s we just have to clear the air, we can´t do everything all the time. Your son does realize that, in deep down he know´s what you´re doing for him, if not right now, then later As long as the woman at the buss-stop, who care´s what she think´s, she does not live your live, neather of them do. It´s hard, I know to ignore that "getting above you, being better mom". I personaly have much harder time to deal with those who want to sympatize me because of my ds behaviour, my "though" situation, ARGHH those make me mad I hope you feel better, feel free to vent as much as you want to, we all need it! Marja |
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Post by AnneM on Feb 4, 2004 16:03:25 GMT -5
{{{{{{{Christina}}}}}}}} .... sometimes we all need a hug and I think today might be one of the days that you could do with at least one ...
Other people's discriminating attitudes can be the hardest thing to bear ... but remember that their attitude is based on sheer ignorance ...
Eric is at an age when he will "show-off" and get "over-excited" - especially in the company of other children/people. Unfortunately this can be SOOOO embarrassing and horrible for you his parent however...
I am so sorry you had this situation today ... I can remember many awful moments when my son was younger and I felt the eyes of the world were judging me. I can say however that this HAS passed and age DOES make a difference (my son is now 15 and a pretty easy going, easy to have around sort of guy) - something that many would never have thought would happen when they saw him at time when he was younger).
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Post by catseye on Feb 4, 2004 16:10:09 GMT -5
LMAO!!! This is soooo funny! Let me tell a short story here...
My daycare provider for my son (bs2 normal I hope!) just adores my sd8 (adhd/autistic/hearing impaired)... Talks about how cute she is, and "angelic" (her word NOT mine!)... Well last year this provider was soooo into helping our cause, to get the school moving, and helping sd more etc... She even came to the IEP with us last year, in the anticipation of takeing care of my sd for the summer....
As summer was nearing and end last year, I could tell this daycare provider was seeing a different side of this "angel".... When asked about doing it again for sd THIS summer, I got an answer of "I cant handle her full time, maybe a part time deal?" LOL.... She saw the light, and really appreciates what we are going through alot more now!! In fact this lady now commends the school for doing an wonderfull job, just keeping up with sd, and last year she was ready to turn the school in for not providing, guiding etc enough for sd...
Just thought you would see as much humor in this as I did.... Almost every day she now tells me, that we (meaning my hubby and I) are remarkable parents to deal with all my sd is going through and putting us through...
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Post by Linda on Feb 4, 2004 16:29:29 GMT -5
Forget about what your neighbors think..you are a good mom and coping the best you can,just like the rest of us.
You will get pass this and be an even better mom(if possible).You are also right about the grieving process,but this too will get better,,,I am proof of this!!
I never thought the day would come when I could say...look at this kid now...he has conquered so much and so will your son. ;D
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