teens with ADHD

[susanL]

Hi, this is my first time here, I feel the need for some serious support from other parents going through the minefield of a child with ADHD. Are there other parents out there with a teen who had ADHD?? My daughter is 15, will be 16 in January. Each year has been more "challenging" than the last with her. I have a friend with a son who has at least calmed down after a hyper childhood, but my daughter seems to rev up with every year! Her impulsivity is HUGE and I'm going to be in the nuthouse soon, thanks to my beautiful, academically gifted, ADHD child. Thanks for letting me vent.

[catseye]

Welcome to the board... I am completely petrified of the teen years!!! I envision fights everyday, oh wait we fight everyday already ...LOL

I dont have a teenager yet, but it will be good to get the full story from someone who has BTDT... I am pretty sure we have a few posters dealing with older kids... Good luck

cat

[MommaToFive]

I also fear... no DREAD the teen years!! I am not there yet but will look forward to hearing some coping strageties from those who have BTDT.... This is a great place to vent and to learn!!! Welcome!!!!

[Linda]

Hey guess what...Paul is 15....12-14 was horrible,but now things have evened out.Things DO get better!!

[kstquilter]

i have an 18 year old dd. the teen years have been challenging!! overall i'd say things are better than they were when she was younger.
i worry about her driving. that's been a big thing. we kept her on her permit for an extra six months hoping to give her more experience with us in the car. she drives a small red truck which limits the amount of kids she can have with her. also gives her pretty good visibility. i pray the angels are watching over her every day.
she did great in school as a whole until her senior year. then completely fell apart. not sure what happened but hopefully it's all behind her now.
she's currently in community college, taking a full load to stay on our insurance. we made her take an english class that should transfer and then let her pick the other two classes. no blow off classes but soemthing she's interested in that might transfer. so far so good. she will have to show us her grades or we don't pay next quarter.
the biggest concern at this point is the boyfriend. he's 21 which i don't like and this is her first boyfriend. however he's a good guy and has alot of patience with her. we discussed birth control and she is currently on the pill. she promises they will use protection if they sleep together. so far she says they aren't. says she's not ready. i know she's not and hope she's telling the truth.
i think the thing that's been the hardest to get used to is letting go of so much now that she's 18. the privacy laws pretty much eliminate you from any information in all aspects of their lives, dr's, school, finances, etc. however, they're more than happy to take checks from you!
i guess we spend even more time and energy involved in our kids lives and then to have it suddenly shut down has been hard to get used to. we've always tried to teach her to fend for herself, a little more responsiblity each year.
i've always tried to talk to her about any and all topics so think she's ok with talking to me as a whole. i know doesn't tell me everything, thank goodness
i guess i'd say keep the lines of communication open, teach them to be as independent as possible and say lots of prayers. a drink every now and then doesn't hurt either
karen

[lgmvol]

I am new to this ADHD thing and we are all trying to get our arms around this for our 13 year old son.
The question is why are we just now dealing with this, in the 8th grade?
Short history...
Good student, very active socially, lots of friends, not aggressive or angry then hit middle school.
Asthma kicks in, starts being distrubtive in class, acting silly in between classes. agrues with teachers...
Now, that sounds somewhat normal for a middle schooler, doesn't it?
Had an evaluation per the school (small private school) request (indirectly of course) and ADHD was suspected. Tried Strattra from Feb '03 to Sept. '03, no change. I am still
thinkhave a behavoir problem that he can control. However, the doctor put him on Concerta 2 weeks ago and he has made great improvement in classroom behavior and getting homework "TURNED IN".

So what? Has he been able to control the ADHD until middle school? Anyone else with this situation?

I can not wait to see what else comes out of this board. I love having a place to go and ask quesitons about this.

[Susan]

I hope you come back to this site, otherwise I can't answer you!! You have your e-mail hidden! Anyway, your son sounds a lot like my daughter. I always knew something was up with her because, even though she did fine as a whole in school, she had temper issues at home, lots of melt-downs and such, but she was very sociable and a real leader; when I would talk about any issues, thinking she might be ADHD, people stared at me like I was nuts! But middle school hit and BAM! She started acting out all over the place, her grades plummeted, and things got worse and worse until she was diagnosed by a social worker and put on medidate, which worked for about six months. Then it was like she was taking candy and it wasn't working at all. She was switched to Adderall, which has mostly worked, but she does put us through the wringer. We had to up her dosage of adderall and it seems to be helping...for now. I liked a book I read that said having a teenager with ADHD is like having a normal teenager...times 10!! That's it. She goes through what they all do, but to a more intense degree. Part of Liz's problem getting diagnosed is, I think, because she is considered academically gifted and was able to skate by for years because of that. Being "gifted" has been almost like a curse at times. She knows most of the things she screws up are avoidable, she beats herself up alot, then she emotionally beats the rest of us up!! She's sooo high on impulsivity it's unreal. So, it does happen that some kids don't get diagnosed right away. That doesn't mean they haven't had it from the start, but something in their make-up has compensated until puberty. I say those of us with ADHD teenagers go out and have a HUGE drink when they graduate...from high school AND college. I have a feeling an ADHD kid is high maintenance for a loooong time. They are like any children with a disability...they are a gift, for sure, but a gift that takes a lot out of us!!! ;D Good luck to us all.

[kstquilter]

you're so right susan,

alot of our kids are very bright and they do manage to get by for awhile until things sort of catch up with them.
my daughter is also very impulsive which causes a variety of problems.
school wasn't too bad until her senior year. then she just fell apart. she does have problems with social skills, misses lots of non verbal cues.
things really do get better as they get older, as a whole.
but they are just like other teenagers x 10!! my daughter is also very dramatic about everything.
this is a great place for information so keep coming back.
karen

[Veronika]

I don't know what goes on in the minds of our teens! I have a 12 yr old and a 13 yr old, both boys!
Just when you think they become mature, it back fires.
If you take one step towards maturity, you end up taking 3 steps back into immaturity!! I find it a no-win situation

I know that teen years a hard for every child, but I think they are more difficult for our ADHD kids. It's hard enough to deal with all the changes in your body, your hormones, friends, etc...but throw ADD in the mix and it's a disaster!!
Some days I wish I could just blink and both boys would be grown up! I don't know if I would ever miss these years.

[lmvol]

Thanks for the replys.
I am having a hard time wrapping my arms around all of this right now.
It was as if he never attended 7th grade, just a wash. But because he is bright, he was able to get enough information to do okay in the 8th this year. 7th grade was the year we had to have an "intervention" with the all his teachers and it was suggested that he is impulsive (verbally,if that is possible) and we have battled with them since.
I finally got on board and realized we were all treating him like he had control over this behavior.
Called another meeting and told them with if I am going to medicate him for ADHD, then we are all approaching him wrong. Don't take it so personally. Work with him, speak to him directly if he needs to be quite.
What amazes me is that they are asking me for suggestions on how to get him to be quite in class. Me!!!! I am not a teacher!
INterestingly, they moved him in Math to the advanced class (honor 9th grade algebra) and he is doing great grade wise and behavior wise. Ummm, maybe because it is challeging to him. He HAS to be quite to make sure he can get all the information.
I will vent some more soon....Thanks

[Mom of Teen]

My son is now 14 and we didn’t diagnose or get help until the start of 7th grade. I knew that it was always possible he had ADHD as his dad was diagnosed with this as an adult and I understand it is very genetic. However, since he had a one-on-one situation in grade school, I was always very close with the teacher so that we could work with him together. However, in 7th grade and seven teachers who were responsible for over 200 students in 7 classes, he seemed to slip through the cracks. He never really had a problem with hyperactivity, but just with the compulsiveness, concentration, forgetfulness, and the usual attention deficit problems. I put him on Aderall after 1 month of school and noticed a TREMENDOUS turnaround. I wasn’t very sold on the idea of ADHD when he was younger (I am totally opposite as for personality, organized, prompt, attentive, etc.), so I just thought a behavior or attitude issue. However, when he started taking the Aderall his grades improved and he started turning in homework and being somewhat more organized. I am a true believer in the condition now.

My main concern is that I have to remind him of EVERYTHING, brush teeth, practice trumpet, homework, clean room, etc., etc., etc. I worry about what will happen when he becomes an adult and out on his own. Does all of my nagging now somehow rub off so that he can take over for himself later in life? I just feel he is so dependent on me and I don’t want him to be, so that he can learn the important things in life such as responsibility. Is there any programs or special things I can do with him to help him to remember to do things?

My husband now (not my son’s father) thinks that he is going to fail in life because he can’t remember to do anything on his own and that he is so dependent upon me. He doesn’t see it as getting much better, but I keep thinking positive in the sense that this is normal teenager stuff, and he will eventually learn.

Any suggestions or inspirational hope that this is true and he will “grow” out of this stage?

[kstquilter]

you are not alone with these concerns. we've tried hard the last 4 years or so to begin teaching my dd independence and responsibility for her meds, check book, credit card, etc. usually one big thing per year. doesn't seem to have helped much.
we also ahve to nag and remind to clean her room which is never done, turn school work in, get to work on time, etc. however i also know some of this is typical teenager.
i think most of our kids are much more immature than their peers. dd originally wanted to go away to college this fall. she had been a good enough student to do so until her senior year when she completely fell apart. she just didn't turn work in.
that's when i found this board (or the old board!) and got lots of ideas on what to look for including drugs, etc. nothing had really changed so then it was suggested that maybe she had intentionally fallen apart so she didn't have to go away to school. not consciously but since change is so difficult for our kids, we think she may have been scared and couldn't even admit it to herself. she's currently going to a community college and doing well as far as we're being told by her.
the bright spot in all of this is that she is still maturing and will gradually catch up with her friends. i also know of a couple of kids this basic situation has happened to and our kids tend to take the road less traveled but get there eventually. that doesn't always make the trip easy to make for them or us but knowing they will eventually get there gives me great hope.
sorry this is so long but wanted you to know that i understand your concerns because i've been where you are now and am hopefully coming out the other side.
it's been an extremely difficult couple of weeks with dd so am struggling with all these concerns in particular right now.
so have faith that things will get better. keep trying to help your child become self-reliant. this seems to be the hard way to do things for the short term as it would be so much simpler to work with the teacher and make sure things are done even without your childs' help. guess i'm always looking down the road to when they'll be in college or on their own and need to be able to pay their own bills, make good decisions, get up for work and school on time by themselves, etc, etc.
good luck and keep coming to this site. there are so many good, knowledgeable people on this board who are willing to share their pain and help in any way they can.
karen