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Post by sierra on Jan 17, 2004 13:50:56 GMT -5
My DH has no problem with the sprouts' problems. He probably doesn't fight the idea that something else may going on as hard as I do when there's a noticable change. He works from home so he's with them just as much as I am.
Maybe that's why he accepts things pretty easily. He sees the morning frenzy, the homework battles, the evening melt downs. Not just part of the picture. the whole picture. Every day.
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Post by Honeysmom on Jan 17, 2004 14:17:47 GMT -5
Well, I had a good talk with DH over lunch today. I told him that I didn't want to start a fight, but I need to know that I have his support in my quest to find out what exactly is going on with Honey. He didn't say anything for a minute, but then he said it is not that he doesn't support me, it is more that he wants to be the one who puts it into perspective. I didn't understand, but then he said that he wants to be the person who doesn't get excited and worked up. He feels that if he stays cool about it he will think with his head and not his heart. He also said that he sees the problems as big as I do. That really helped me alot. He made it clear that the does not want us to discuss doctors, dx's, tests, and meds around Honey b/c he thinks it may scare him. I don't know if it will, but I can understand that. We agreed that he is no longer going to act as if he will out grow this and will be more supportive. He also said that it bothers him to see that things are wrong and he doesn't know what it is. I teased him a litte and gave him this web address. I told him what a help it would be for him.
I am releived that we are starting to get on the same page about this. For almost 3 years we have been at odds at the differences in Honey and I think he is starting to accept that it won't just go away. Hopefully this is a first step.
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Post by on_edge on Jan 17, 2004 16:05:32 GMT -5
DH has a hard time accepting diagnosis and the need for meds. But, DH doesn't deal DD and the schools, the preschool, family functions, shopping, etc. DH ignores when she is acting up or sends her to Mom. Yep, DH is in denial that there is a problem because he doesn't deal with any of the problems. He blamed her behavior on her brothers, me, teacher, whoever he can think of.
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Post by sierra on Jan 17, 2004 22:32:49 GMT -5
;D
Oh honeysmom I just read your comment about de nile. That's exactly what I call it. One of the problems with being on the banks of De Nile is that De Nile is going to flood pretty much for sure once or twice a year. If it doesn't flood then things actually get much worse.
So when you build your house on De Nile you have to keep rebuilding it from scratch.
That's the real problem with denial. Reality bites.
I understand where your husband is coming from. I was the "show me" person in this family. I didn't believe a word the first psychologist said. Not one word. DH worked on me for months to even get a second opinion. It was the same. He worked on me for months after that to start medications. I wasn't researching during that time. I was right there on De Nile waiting for the flood to happen.
Fortunately for my sprouts it didn't take too many floods after the diagnosis for me to finally get it through my head that ADHD is part of who they are. Part of who I am. And just like I had to learn to live with it without even knowing what it was. They're going to have to learn how to live with it too. I have to say they are stronger than me in some ways. If I could have pointed a finger at something and said "that's why I'm this way and I can't help being this way" I might never have made much effort to achieve in spite of having ADHD.
I gotta hand it to the people who treat ADHD. They do a great job of teaching their patients that ADHD is not an excuse. It's just part of who they are. Only one part of who they are. And not a limitation. Maybe a strength in some ways.
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Post by Honeysmom on Jan 18, 2004 14:08:17 GMT -5
Sierra, you are exactly right about the floods. We went through that last summer. Honey's impulsive behavior was so in front of DH that he couldn't ignore it anymore. Then after that set of doctors things got a little better and he went back to his old way of thinking. Now we are getting back to DH taking another look b/c things are building up againn abd it starts over. New doctors and the whole shabang.
Maybe this is just one long learning process. As soon as you have all the fires put out there is another flare up. I just keep my water hose out all the time to be safe, and DH runs back to the station and waits for the next call. I suppose it is better to have more than one approach for any problem and this should be no different. As long as Honey comes out ahead in the end that is all that matters.
It was just my big concern that if DH refuses to accept that Honey needs help in certain areas it may hurt Honey in the long run. I don't want to give Honey an excuse, but I do want to give him every chance possible. As long as no one's (namely DH's) pride gets in the way Honey will come out on top in the end.
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