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Post by Honeysmom on Jan 13, 2004 10:01:47 GMT -5
I am just curious. Do your husbands, or do you men here have a hard time admitting that your child has any type of problem. My DH is really having a hard time that something may be a little off with Honey. I think it just hurts him and he is scared, but I am just curious if this is universal reaction or if there is a way I can help him. He loves Honey so much I think he's being protective. It is OK if I say somthing may be wrong, but when the doc's do he takes it personally.
I am worried that it is going to hurt Honey in the end b/c he sometimes lets his pride get in the way of progress. Any suggestions here? He really is a great dad and I know he is doing the best he know how. I just want to help him if I can.
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Post by Linda on Jan 13, 2004 10:10:13 GMT -5
Just the opposite...My husband understands a lot more about Paul in some areas better than I do. He has always been an immense help in helping with homework because he had some of the same problems when he was a kid. He is a whiz in math and has showed Paul different ways to approach a problem. On the other hand I am the one Paul comes to for emotional support and to talk about any problem he may be having. I love that kid to death,he is amazing.  |
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Post by eaccae on Jan 13, 2004 10:25:49 GMT -5
DS is the mirror image adhd wise as DH. DH totally gets it. But his understanding can really be lacking - kind of the I got through it so you can too mentality. And other times he is too understanding. Definitely no balance there at all. But he has no problem admitting to anyone that DS has adhd (because it is common knowledge to anyone who has ever met him that dh has adhd).
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Post by Dad2Brooke on Jan 13, 2004 12:15:31 GMT -5
Brooke was diagnosed three different times by three different doctors at my insistance.
Not so much from a denial aspect, as from the aspect that I wanted to make darn sure of what she had before we started meds etc.
Not to pick on my wife (who has ADHD) but I am much more of an advocate for Brooke than she is.
I see the difficulties my wife has now and hear stories of how she was growing up with no help and I want to try and keep Brooke from having to experience those things.
Finally, I have no problems working the ADHD angle for Brooke if it will provide benefit for her.
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Post by HooDunnit on Jan 13, 2004 16:30:56 GMT -5
Hi Honeysmom. Thank you for your question. I haven't thought of a way of answering it yet, but I'm working on it. It sounds to me likely your husband might have some fear of the unknown, and could perhaps benefit from a book to read on ADD. I found Healing ADD by Amen to be a good one.
Barry
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Post by vickilyn32 on Jan 14, 2004 10:40:15 GMT -5
DH tries to understand, and is great about realizing that DS needs meds and special help in school, but since DH is a truck driver, I am the one who deals with the day to day decisions and problems mostly on my own.
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Post by HooDunnit on Jan 14, 2004 12:23:42 GMT -5
Hi Honeysmom. I can't speak for other men, but I think that some men deny that there is such a thing as ADHD. I don't really like the word "problem" but we all use it of course. I think of ADD/ADHD as a diagnostic description or medical condition which a person may indeed grow out of. I view it as a management challenge. So I try to put as positive a spin as possible on ADHD. But I don't deny its reality. I've just lived with it too much and read too much about it to be able to do that. But it seems to me that the whole topic of ADHD has so many negative words in it -- words like " disorder" / " deficit" / "illness" or worse yet "mental illness". I try to avoid those words.
Barry
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Post by Honeysmom on Jan 14, 2004 12:42:29 GMT -5
HooDunnit, I think you are right. I think that many of the words attached to ADHD are negative. I also think my DH looks at his family and compares. He remembers his little brothers being rowdy and obnixious since they are so much younger. He thinks that they have outgrown it, when in reality they have just grown into it.
I also think, like I said earlier, it makes him feel bad. How does Sierra say it, "living on the banks of De Nile." I know he is trying hard to understand so I think I am going to go and get him some of Dr.Amens books from the library. Knowledge is power right???
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Post by mom2tj on Jan 14, 2004 12:53:10 GMT -5
Dh was kind of relieved that we found help for DS we could see him suffering to fit in and to succeed, his wake-up call was when there was talk of failing Ds last year  He will not speek of it openly to people about it, very few know and he hopes he will outgrow it  |
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Post by HooDunnit on Jan 14, 2004 13:12:26 GMT -5
Hi Honeysmom. RE "it makes him feel bad". He probably needs some reassurances that he is still a good dad / person, etc. I don't take the ADHD thing too personally, because it's not too well known where ADHD comes from anyway. I think it's just one of those things. For a different family, it's something else.
Barry
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Post by RiahBubbaPooh on Jan 14, 2004 13:42:53 GMT -5
Well, in the beginning, dh was completely offended that I would suggest that there was something wrong with his son! (And that is so opposite of his character!) It wasn't until dh realized that *he* had ADHD that he saw how badly Bubba needed help. They are so much alike it's scary. The older Bubba gets, the more dh's family says they are mirror images. They see now that dh needed help as a child, and no one recognized it, they just kept trying to get away from his annoying habits.
Now, he is my biggest supporter in getting the kid's the help they need.
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Post by catatonic on Jan 14, 2004 15:15:39 GMT -5
We're all pretty open about my boy's "problem". There's no shame in it, after all, any more than there would be if he had, for example, a congenital heart defect. My husband doesn't have trouble accepting the ADHD, is completely supportive of the Feingold diet and other approaches that we use, and that are normally quite successful. He doesn't even complain about the psychologist's bill, which about kills me every time I get it! On the other hand, my husband is also more than happy to leave all the responsibility of dealing with my boy squarely on my shoulders. Soooooo, plenty of emotional support, I guess you'd say, but not a whole lot of help in any practical way.
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Post by tiniree on Jan 14, 2004 15:56:33 GMT -5
My husband was a little skeptical about it at first. He thought it was "just an excuse" until he read all the information I got at the library and from the pediatrician's office.
Now he is the first one to try and "calm" the situation when it looks like I may "go over the edge" after a rough day. He's more inclined to be lenient because of the dx than I am.
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Post by loveforeric on Jan 16, 2004 10:47:50 GMT -5
My DH was very helpful in getting the two oldest diagnosed. We knew that there were problems that we couldn't control with eldest. However he is just getting into the grieving process and is coming around. He does have problems with understanding the way I have been handling our SevereADHDer. He can't... So I am pretty much the one Eric comes to with anything whether it is good or bad. DH is supportive but I am doing everything I can to make Eric's life better and easier to understand and DH just wants him to be treated like all the other children. Oh!! Geez!!! Sorry for rambling on. Have a nice day, Christina |
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Post by LitlBaa on Jan 17, 2004 0:24:09 GMT -5
My daughter's father (my former husband) doesn't think the problem is as severe as I make it out to be, of course he sees her maybe once every three months and she's always on her best behavior for him. He doesn't see the evil eye, the temper tantrums, the slamming doors and screaming fits that are a daily occurance around here. However, he definitely does not want her full time!
My hubby kept comparing her to his boys (both grown) because "the boys never acted like that" and he didn't understand why she did. After his dx, he has become much more understanding of the situation.
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