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Post by Brocksmom on Sept 16, 2005 7:16:41 GMT -5
When Brock gets in trouble..after he has calmed down I usually go to him and talked about why he got in trouble. When I asked why he did what he did he said "God only knows he's the one one that made me like this...I HATE IT.  I just felt like crying right there on the spot He'll get mad too and say why do I have adhd..... this sucks...... I hate it I always get in trouble... etc . He'll be13 in Oct. It breaks my heart because he is soooo aware that the problem is there.. but hasn't quite grasped a concept on a way to stop the behavior before it gets him in trouble. Even in school the teacher said sometiomes he'll go up to her and say he's doesn't feel calmed down and has extra energy OR he'll say I feel fine and in control. I know Paul and Sam are some of the older kids here. Is there any wisdom they can share or if they went through this. Oh what's w/ the sassy mouth/ arguing, having a comment on EVERYTHING ? That's just pre -teen/age thing isn't it(Big SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHH)  |
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Post by camismom on Sept 16, 2005 8:20:54 GMT -5
Can't answer for the older boys but I can answer for my getting close to 14 year old girl. the sassy mouth/arguing/having a comment on everything is definitely her and I think definitely a pre-teen and teen thing. As far as the comments about hating ADHD and questioning why he has to have it...yep, been there-done that too. I've heard Cami say that many, many times and I have too away from her, so I think that is normal. They know there is a problem, they know there is a " Difference" and it is only natural that they wish they were "normal" so the "problem" wouldn't cause them problems. Just assure him that God wouldn't have made him that way if God thought he couldn't handle it. Then remind him that yoiu and God love him regardless.
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Post by Linda on Sept 16, 2005 8:46:52 GMT -5
B/M......He is showing some maturity here and he knows his body well!! What does his teacher do when he says he doesn't feel in control> I hope she is giving him an outlet of some kind. Paul's teachers used to have him deliver papers or notes for them on days he was extra antsy  Paul never said he hated being ADHD.He used the excuse I believe a few times that his meds weren't working!!! As Brock gets older things will get easier for him and he will have better control. I don't think any kid likes to be in trouble. Believe me there are a lot of non ADHD kids that get into their share of trouble. |
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Post by Kaiti on Sept 16, 2005 12:22:41 GMT -5
Brock is growing up and starting to show maturity. Mom, you have alot to be thankful for just in that he realizes there is something there and that he can communicate it to the teachers when he feels a bit off. I can't really help you very much, I have only worked with a handful of boys that age. Some adhd, some add, some no diagnosis...but there should have been one. One boy that I am thinking of I would tell him to just stop. Not in a bad, getting yelled at way. But I would tell him to stop and think for a sec. Don't talk to anyone, don't look at anyone, and breath deep. When he was doing this, this was my cue to help him out some how. ANYHOW.....I would pull him to the side non-chalantly and ask what we could do. If he said I don't know, I'd ask if he wants me and everyone to leave him alone, so we would. If he need to get out of the scenerio, I would make up some BS excuse and let him "run errands" for me. He knew not to take advantage of it, because I was letting him get out of his system his ansyness.......with out him getting into trouble. Good luck  |
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Post by kstquilter on Sept 16, 2005 13:54:44 GMT -5
your ds is very mature to recognize how he feels. brittany could never feel the difference in being medicated or not. she also didn't seem to have a clue there was a reason for why she acted how she did. she did know she was different but didn't seem to help her understand at all.
she can tell the difference now that she's 20. also means she doesn't want to take meds, she can do it on her own. of course i know she'd be doing better in school if she'd take them.
the mouthy, sassy stuff is the age and has nothing to do with adhd! my ds is almost 17 and is getting better as a whole. but they can both be pretty mouthy when it suits them!
karen
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Post by Brocksmom on Sept 16, 2005 15:54:41 GMT -5
What does his teacher do when he says he doesn't feel in control> I hope she is giving him an outlet of some kind. It's usually in the morning before school. More than likely the meds haven't kicked in yet |
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Post by AnneM on Sept 16, 2005 16:39:47 GMT -5
I agree with the others that Brock is showing so much maturity by actually going to his teacher to tell her that he hasn't calmed down and has extra energy ... Brocksmom the fact he is doing this is worth A LOT !! ...  Sam would never ever have openly confessed to a teacher that he felt like this ... I have mixed feelings about how aware Brock is of his adhd .... On the one hand this can be of course positive but on the other no kid likes to feel they are in any way " Different" from other kids .. this is a mixed bag !! ... I also am mixed up in how I feel this should be handled .... half of me says that it should perhaps be played down ... but the other half of me says its good that he is so aware of it .... I think somewhere in the middle there is a happy medium. I must confess from Sam's point of view he has never ever really confronted his add "head on" ... he is OF COURSE aware he has it ... AND that he takes meds for it ... but it has never ever been a big issue with him at all .. I am not sure though if this is good or bad ... I think there is probably again a "happy medium" here which would be the ideal!! (And happy mediums can be hard to get to!!) ... As for the sassy mouth/arguing/commenting on everything (oh and to add here "knows everything") this was DEFINITELY part of the early teenage years for Sam ... BUT is also part of the early teenage years for just about every parent who has been through this age group that I have ever spoken to!! (adhd or not!)... For us the age of 13 (and YES I know I have said this often before!) was the PITS !! ... Those little hormones jumping around have SUCH a lot to answer for!! At that age Sam's self-esteem was rock-bottom, he got adolescent onset depression, he became the "class clown" and I felt like I was walking on egg-shells!! The improvement in the last four years has been beyond belief !! ... and the improvement really started at age 14 and continued from there ... but RIGHT NOW .. for Brock ... that sassy mouth/arguing etc (IMHO) is par for the course (unfortunately for us parents!)... but the GOOD news is that that phase doesn't last forever!! |
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Post by mskris on Sept 19, 2005 9:54:35 GMT -5
I agree with the others. Taylor is just beginning to be aware of his "issues," which include TS, ADHD, and a mild LD. We are really "taking the bull by the horns" this year because it's his last year of elementary school; next year comes middle school and all that goes with it. The mouthiness is definitely the age - I, myself, with no ADD/ADHD, was quite a b*tch to my folks at that age (11-13).
I have found that if I sit down and have a quiet talk with Taylor, explain to him that I understand his problems, but that doesn't make the behavior okay, etc., it really helps. Sometimes, just acknowledging his feelings makes a huge difference (eg, "I know you're _____ - disappointed, upset, angry, etc.") He loves one-on-one time with me, so he's eager to "talk it out."
Good luck. I'm definitely NOT looking forward to middle school and those adolescent years.
Kris
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Post by sweety on Sept 19, 2005 11:02:01 GMT -5
Dd asked yesterday why she annoys people on occasion. She has a very non ADHD friend who she says she annoys on occasion. We talked about trying to remember what she did to annoy her and how to not do it again. Dd is 11 and starting to become aware (as is her friends) of the social skills/ verbal impulsiveness problems assoc with ADHD. She has never said I hate ADHD but I have on occasion.
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Post by Linda on Sept 19, 2005 12:39:17 GMT -5
sweety....I bet Rose's non ADHD friend annoys her sometimes too.  |
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Post by sweety on Sept 19, 2005 13:22:49 GMT -5
The friend she annoys the most talks about going to Harvard or Yale. The girl has a very "up tight" mother who pushes very hard. I hope the girl doesn't have a breakdown if she doesn't get in. They are only 11 and her family is allready pushing. I really feel sorry for her.
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Post by AnneM on Sept 19, 2005 13:32:31 GMT -5
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Post by mskris on Sept 23, 2005 8:05:29 GMT -5
I agree. I have deliberately NOT overscheduled my kids. I do try to accomodate their interests, and they've taken some lessons (gymnastics, piano), but if they don't want to continue, I don't make them. Maybe that's wrong, but with all their issues, I figure let them be kids and have free play time - time enough for buckling down to academics and worrying about college. That said, I DO expect them to go to college. That is one reason why Taylor has started seeing the tutor.
The tutor is not for his schoolwork. She's helping him overcome his LD. It's a 3-yr program, 2x/wk for a total of 3 hrs a week, plus some outside work. It's to get him through middle school and on solid ground for high school.
I don't care where they go to college, but I do expect them to go. Is that too pushy??
Kris
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