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Post by milesofsmiles on Aug 26, 2005 13:27:03 GMT -5
This morning was one of those classical moments of defiance, or rather misplaced emotions. Yesterday, Nate the Great decided to be the speediest person to get ready. He was in the car waiting to go 15 minutes early. Well.... he must have used it all up yesterday because this morning, there was not getting him out of bed. On the outset, it could have been looked at as defiance, just did not want to do whatever I said. I told him to get up, I was leaving in 15 minutes. I said that was my only warning. So 15 minutes later he was still not up. So I got him up to the bathroom, then hounded him continuously for 5 minutes straight to put his clothes on. He let out a grunt and said, "I heard you, why do you have to repeat yourself, I am not a Dork!!  I told him that I never called him that name and I thought I was doing an excellent job of not yelling. If he could think of a better way to get dressed before I was late, I was willing to listen. He just grunted again and got dressed. We were a little late this morning, but I just had to keep pressing if he was aware of the difference between yesterday and today. I found out on the way to daycare that they were going to play a game that he was not very good at and the teachers would not let him sit out. We got to work on our communication skills. He displaces his anxiety in the form of defiance. It all could have been avoided if he had told me up front of his fears. That is a tough one, no one wants to appear vunerable. We talked to the teacher and agreed that if he at least tried the game, he could take a break for a while. It's all about compromise and problem solving.  now trying to get him to put that into words instead of defiant actions. Never a dull moment. Miles  |
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Post by AnneM on Aug 26, 2005 14:30:27 GMT -5
Oh I understand this!!  Over the years if there is ANYTHING Sam is apprehensive about or worried about in the day ahead it has "shown itself" in the mornings!! This has - I am very pleased to report - improved a WHOLE lot with age ... but even NOW if he is nervous, worried or apprehensive about something coming that day I can TELL ... loud and clear ... by the speed (or rather LACK of SPEED!) that he gets out of bed and ready for the day ... and also the "mood" in the drive to wherever it is he doesn't really want to go today!! Maybe however there is something of this in ALL of us ... I know some days when I am NOT looking forward to whatever it is during the day I just want to crawl back under those bedclothes and NOT come out!! ... It is only age and experience which makes me get my A*** into gear and get moving!! ... but at Nate's age he doesn't (Yet) have that age and experience and is reacting in the only way he knows how right now!! |
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mothercat
Member Emeritus
With a little luck and a lot of Gods help anything is possible!
Posts: 1,468
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Post by mothercat on Aug 26, 2005 14:45:55 GMT -5
Anne ..at what age do they get in gear and grow out of it?? I need to know ;D
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Post by Linda on Aug 26, 2005 15:14:03 GMT -5
Anne ..at what age do they get in gear and grow out of it?? I need to know ;D I am not a morning person either....I don't like to be rushed  As for growing out of it....for some of us NEVER ;D ;D ;D |
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Post by AnneM on Aug 26, 2005 15:30:18 GMT -5
Anne ..at what age do they get in gear and grow out of it?? I need to know ;D ;D ;D Er .. um ... Now did I say that?? ;D ;D No seriously M/C ... I think maybe a "slight" rewording is in order .... rather than "grow out of it" ... can we replace that with "improved substantially" ?? ;D ;D ... and that was a "gradual" process ... not unfortunately an overnight miracle!! ;D |
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Post by milesofsmiles on Aug 26, 2005 15:44:01 GMT -5
I am just waiting for the break through where he realizes that it cannot be put off any more and gets up. I keep telling him that it is ok not to like to do something, but some things we just have to do. I would love to wander in to work whenever I get the things done I want to do, but I cannot expect to stay employed if I do that. If that day comes that he can be responsible enough to get his own way to school, walking or biking, then I am leaving if he is not done. I don't know.... I just don't see that day coming anytime in the next 10 years. I know... be patient. I have seen things happen that I thought would never happen soon enough. Just enjoy the moment.... Miles |
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Post by vickilyn32 on Aug 26, 2005 15:51:11 GMT -5
Boy do I know how you feel. Last night Dan made a few mistakes in the football game, and this morning for the first time in over a year I had to almost pull him out of bed. He was not the only one who made mistakes, the entire game was terrible, but he felt that he lost the game for the entire team. I hope things went OK at school today. Maybe by Monday both the boys will get up better.
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MomA
Member
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Post by MomA on Sept 5, 2005 19:29:00 GMT -5
Oh, Miles, my Nate the Great (also age 8) has never called himself a Dork. But he's wanted so bad since first grade to play 'wall ball' with the big boys waiting before school.
He doesn't know how, really. When he asked a boy last year if he could play, they said 'no.'
One of my goals this year is to find out all the rules and play enough that he can see a friend in the crowd and comfortably ask if he can join.
Might not work, but he needs support.
I rarely have the problem of my super-hyper child actually wanting to sleep in. *I* want to sleep in.
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Post by Kaiti on Sept 7, 2005 8:01:08 GMT -5
Oh Miles, I just saw this, are things getting any better? Just wondering, what is his punishment if he isn't ready now? I know it's a day by day thing for alot of us. Most of the time the only way that I could motivate my kids was their physical safety. If they have to walk to school, they could get hit by a car.....yadda yadda....it isn't going to work this year though, they can walkto school by themselves ???SO I gotta think of a plan B if I need too. Butr the kids are pretty good in the morning. School starts tomorrow so we'll see if I am going to have to eat my words |
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Post by milesofsmiles on Sept 7, 2005 13:37:09 GMT -5
Kaiti, I had to go back and see what I was griping about. Old age setting in. ;D It was just one of those mornings I guess. We have our slowdowns and misplaced actions, but for the most part things are going pretty good. As far as punishment goes and responsibility, he still has to call my boss to tell him why I am going to be late to work. The thing is that he does not really have any real motivator that he really really wants to do or get. So to say we are going to take something away from him does not phase him. When he gets into those moods, he does not care to hear about what he could earn by doing it either. Silly me, there is no solution to this at this time. For now, I am content.  Miles |
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Post by Kaiti on Sept 9, 2005 17:13:11 GMT -5
DId you steal my son, well, you can have him ;D I have said before that my kids were the BEST babies, very easy to please and happy playing with their toes and fingers......and God forbid we gave them to inspect. Now, forget it. That's where the phyisical safety thing comes in, they hate getting hurt or the thought of it. I love mind games sometimes. |
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