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Post by mom2tj on Aug 2, 2005 15:28:00 GMT -5
this is a first I don't know how to react.... DS's counselor from day camp calls me today... seems ds got into a fight  this is sooooo not him he is usually the one to be bullied just last week I called the camp to complain about 2 boys that had hurt DS.... the story goes,,,,, this boy throw a paper at DS and DS got mad and shoved it in his face which broke into a fight.... DS kicked the boy in a place he shouldn't have, and threatened to break if Walkman. I don't know how to react I asked him how he thinks he should have dealt with this he told me he should have ignored them, part of me thinks that its just letting the other boys tease him. please give me your 2 cents should I punish him? for now I told him I need to think and talk to Dad. the camp has changed bunks so he won't be with these boys anymore they have put DS with younger boys, DS is ok with the change but I am scared at what will happen when he does see these other boys again.... for sure they will tease him about it  |
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Post by milesofsmiles on Aug 2, 2005 15:39:14 GMT -5
Bullying is a serious matter and you can see where it can lead. Yes, your son did react inapproprately, but he knows it already. On the other hand he was defending himself from all of the cra% he has been taking. Since the councilors chose not to take it seriously, or were too busy, we need to take this matter to the councilors boss. I am hope they are punishing approparately at the camp. I personally would not punish my son in the same instance, but let him know what he did was not the right way to respond, and possibly next time an adult needs to get involved. Miles  |
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Post by Kaiti on Aug 2, 2005 16:03:04 GMT -5
Miles is right about going to the counselors' boss. They should have had some type of intervension so it wouldn't lead to a physical confrontation. Let me go look and see what resources I have on bullying. It is a really big deal here because Mikey has been having problems for the past few years  Oh and when it comes to punishments.....that's a tough one. I know, not much help. How about you just sitting down and talking about it? What happened, what lead up to it.....all the details. That way he can verbally comunicate to you how he felt and you can remind him that "this is how you should handle this". Let him KNOW that he can come to you and talk about his day....bullying is NOT his fault. Don't let him be ashamed or he may not open up about it until it is too late.  |
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Post by Kaiti on Aug 2, 2005 16:18:31 GMT -5
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Post by Linda on Aug 2, 2005 17:44:50 GMT -5
It sounds to me like it had been going on for awhile and your ds couldn't deal with it anymore....who could? I think we all have our breaking points.  Your boy knows he should have reacted differently so I guess a good talk would be in order.  I have been bullied at work as a lot of us have as adults.It is hard! Imagine how that must be for a child I too would take it to the Boss. |
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Post by finnmom on Aug 2, 2005 23:22:11 GMT -5
I´am on the same line´s with other´s, camp-counsellor´s should have done something for this before it get´s to this, I would deffenately confront them about how this got this far... About the punishment... I wouldnt do anything alse than what you´ve done already, talk about the apropriate way´s to deal with these situation´s, it´s no help to punish him now whenit´s all over and partly forgot already... And he did protect himself, wich I think is a good thing(the way was not the best, but he stood for himself ) so I guess other´s will think twice before teasing him, he might even kick back again  |
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Post by camismom on Aug 3, 2005 7:47:25 GMT -5
The way I look at it, we are all human and can only take so much. If these boys have been badgering him then the paper throwing obviously was the last straw for him. I think being in the fight itself and the repurcusions of it at camp are punishment enough. Just reinforce with him that although you know he needs to defend himself if someone else starts a fight, he should never be one to start it himself. Though others may disagree, I have always taught Cami to never start one, but if backed into a corner and given no choice, to finish it and finish it good!
She had her bullying problems last year, and after not one, but two fights those girls now leave her alone. Believe it or not one is actually trying to become a friend now! Once they see the "victim" of choice is no longer taking their crap, they move on.
No fighting is not the appropriate outcome , but I say kudos to your son for defending himself!
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Post by funcat on Aug 3, 2005 8:05:10 GMT -5
If the paper incident was the only one, then I would say your ds responded inappropriately. Seeing as he has been picked on, I think he did need to take himself out of the victim role. Perhaps you could tell him that certain parts are off limits when fighting! . I know my opinion may not be popular, but my ds recently had a situation with a neighborhood "friend" slapping him repeatedly. The "friend" said that he wanted to see where ds's breaking point was!  I told ds that he should never allow anyone to hurt him. He should either walk away, or fight back! Sometimes you have to fight back to be left alone. I also told him that he may get in trouble for fighting, but that I would be there for him. I'm just happy that he still confides in me. BTW, yes I did talk to the other boy. I told him that I knew what happened, and that for some reason ds still wants to be his friend. Told him that he may NEVER again hurt any of my kids, and that a bully would not be welcome in my home! This was a big thing to him because not many of the kids in the neighborhood like him , wonder why??? |
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SKay
Member Emeritus
Posts: 1,126
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Post by SKay on Aug 3, 2005 8:48:04 GMT -5
I really feel for you! My DS gets bullied too, and I'm afraid he will get sick of it and fight back. We have tried to tell him to go to the teacher, but I think he's afraid of getting into trouble for tattling. I'm not sure I can explain the difference, other than it's not tattling if the person is going to hurt himself or someone else.
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Post by Linda on Aug 3, 2005 8:52:41 GMT -5
Eventually some kids do fight back...other's don't....the kids that don't fight back need exrta support....from family...friends...and especially staff at school. Paul fought back at middle school...and he didn't get in a bit of trouble with me.... Now Jacob is another story...he doesn't start fights...but he sure will finish them. School is very interesting with him ;D ;D ;D |
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Post by kstquilter on Aug 3, 2005 10:07:52 GMT -5
i agree with all the others. remember skay, that it's tattling no matter what or why in the eyes of the other kids. my kids would never go to a teacher either. heck i was afraid to say much to ds's kindergarten teacher who was the bully. she was with my son 4 hours a day and i didn't need to make it worse. she was a bully for the entire class, not him specifically.
i don't think i'd punish ds. each person has their limit of what they can take. sounds like he was defending himself after things had built up. i would talk to him and try to find a better way to handle it the next time. ultimately we have to make sure our kids learn how to handle things on their own. we won't always be there and the only person worse than a teacher intervening is a parent intervening! at least once they reach a certain age.
karen
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Post by mom2tj on Aug 5, 2005 12:19:04 GMT -5
update.... DS was changed from one groupe to another I thought this new groupe was much youger, turns out they ar 9 and 10yos (ds is 10) they have 3 groupes 9-10 10-11 and 11-12..... DS of all kids!!!! was put in 11-12 because there was no room in the others I was not to happy to hear that!!! anyway now he is with the proper age groupe and thinks are much better.... I did got to the head boss at the camp last week when all started .... I have to admit I was taken seriously and got 2 call-backs to assure me they talked to the groupe.... althought I didn't punish him I had the talk of where is never ever allowed to hit unless you are beeing ubductied.... I have to admit that part of me is happy that he finaly stod up for himself, DS is alwas the target for these kids, all he does is tatlle wich never gets anywhere still comes back to the same question we all ask.... what should he do if talking doesnt work.... in the past I've been to the teachers, principal and school district all are very nice and pretend that they care but in the end I dont think they know what to do eather... I just dont know why everywhere he goes kids seek him as if he has it printed on his forhead. I'm sure somehow he contributs he is so imature kids must see that.... I was a victim of bullying as a child I would do nothing come home and cry. I dont want that for my kids... my son is a mini me I know how he feels |
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