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Post by aimee30 on Jul 20, 2004 15:26:27 GMT -5
I took DD for her first visit with the psych this morning. I was told by the social worker (in the same office) that if there was a difference of opinion on meds between two divorced parents who have joint custody that the psych would give a prescription and then let us decide from there. Since I'm the custodial parent I could give it to her until XH took me to court to prevent it. Wrong! I went in this morning and the psych said he had read over the file, and without XH permission he couldn't prescribe anything for her.
I feel like I have no say so in her treatment. Just XH. Like I've said before, he sees them every other weekend, but he seems to be able to make all the decisions. I'm just so angry about it all. I was originally going to try the natural approach, but when I asked X about it, he said that he didn't see any reason too. He is still in denial about her having ADHD. So I posted in the natural alternatives section and asked how it would affect DD if I did it while she was with me and X refused to. I don't think I got much of a response and it seems like the responses I did get were negative.
Now I just feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. Nothing I can do I guess. The only good thing that came out of the visit today was I got a dx of ADHD/inattentive. In some ways I feel like all this (visiting different drs and such) have been a waste of my time. The biggest thing for me though, is that I feel like I have no rights as the mother. I just don't understand it.
The psych did ask me a question that I felt was interesting. I had never really thought of it this way before. He asked how far both I and X went in school. When I told him that X dropped out in tenth grade, he kind of went "ahaa". He asked a few questions about X and how his behavior is/was as a child/adult. He said X probably actually sees himself in DD and that since he has turned out as a "fine" (not my words the DR) adult without meds as a child, he thinks DD will turn out fine too. I guess that sounds right, but when I look at the whole picture I also see that X dropped out. I don't want that for DD. I want whats best for her and a great education is best.
I guess I'm rambling, but just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening!
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Post by Linda on Jul 20, 2004 16:01:26 GMT -5
aimee....that just doesn't sound right to me...if you are the custodial parent it seems like you make that choice.
I hope someone else reads this and has some experience in this...first thing that came to my mind was find another Doctor.
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Post by jdmom on Jul 20, 2004 16:24:31 GMT -5
O gosh, girl. I'm divorced, but have no experience with joint custody situations. I say find another doctor, too. What business is it of the doctor's anyway? My doc never asked me about any of that. He asked if I was married or divorced, what type of relationship Jarrett has with his dad, but never asked about how ex felt about Jarrett's diagnosis or meds. But then, I have custody and he has visitation. With stims, your daughter doesn't have to take them when she's with daddy anyway, right? Does he have her on school days?
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Post by aimee30 on Jul 20, 2004 16:48:05 GMT -5
jdmom, He doesn't have her on school days at all. Only every other weekend, although I made sure there was a set visitation schedule in our divorce papers (ex. every other year he gets them for spring break, alternate years Thanksgiving etc), but he never follows it. Like I said, he only sees them every other weekend.
I thought about trying to go to another Dr, but what if this is some kind of state law? Then I'm right back to where I am now. Also we have been to three different offices since I started trying to get her dx. My DH insurance won't pay for anything concerning ADHD so I am having to use X's insurance. He had back surgery several months ago and let the insurance lapse (or so he says). The office we went to today agreed to allow us to continue with our copay of $25 until we get the insurance back on track.
Still angry and trying to figure out what to do. Thanks for your support and for just listening to me ramble!
Just wanted to add that when we divorced, I wanted to try for full custody, but was told by my lawyer that in our state you had to prove the other parent unfit. There was an incident with my DS (now 10yo) when he was two, where I had went to work and left DS with X to watch while I was working. I woke him before I left and he went back to sleep once I was gone. When DS woke and mommy wasn't here he walked out the locked front door. Someone found him wandering in our neighborhood and called CPS. To make a long story short we were both "charged" with neglect and abuse. WE both had to appear in court even though I was at work while this happened. Anyway, when I asked my lawyer about this, he said it wouldn't hold up in court as proving X unfit. I'm danged if I do and danged if I don't no matter what. At least it seems that way to me. Once again, I'm rambling. Sorry.
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Post by Sorka on Jul 20, 2004 19:56:23 GMT -5
Wouldn't a quick call to your lawyer sort out for you whether this is state law or something and whether it is legal for the doc to write the script with only the custodial parent's permission.. It seems to me that then he couldn't write a script for say an ear infection without permission from your X..  What is the difference?> And if you did get one written a stim would be better if you know X will not give it.. then it will not lapse on those days like say strattera would and be a problem.. This all sounds wrong to me! If you have the DX can you get the script from your family doc? D |
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Post by finnmom on Jul 20, 2004 23:41:29 GMT -5
Aimee Call lawyer or child service or someone who could get you the answer about your right´s making the desicion´s! This doesn´t seem right to me eather  Like sorka said, wouldn´t that include all doc. visit´s and rec´s then if true You´re in a though place right now, but you´ll get through this too, you´re a great mom, dont forget it  And I deffenately think that your xh has so big problem´s with this mainly because he see´s himself in dd and it scare´s him  |
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Post by eaccae on Jul 21, 2004 0:15:33 GMT -5
Aimee
I agree - call your lawyer! It doesn't sound right to me either - if you are the custodial parent - and it is true - your ex doesn't HAVE to give her any meds when she is with him - she could still take them during school hours. It just doesn't make sense to me.
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Post by catseye on Jul 21, 2004 8:04:26 GMT -5
Oh Aimee! I am so sorry! As you know I am going through something similar, although sd's mom never stopped the actual prescription in the very beginning...
As I understand it there has to be a parent with the final say when they dont agree (which is the custodial parent), on say religious, medical etc...
Obviously people divorce (break up), due to not being able to agree on things, thus there needs to be a deciding parent!
What medication was the dr considering? Is it something that doesnt have to be given every day?
In our situation dh is NOT going to be sending the "sick pills" (as sd's mom calls them) anymore... You can bet your boots sd's mom will be calling complaining about sd's being a handfull... All I have to say to that is WHHAAAH.. Although if dh doesnt put his foot down about children watching sd, it really would be unfair to the kids who would have to deal with it while sd's mom works... OH I have to wash my hands of this, it is going to drive me insane!
Im so sorry you hit a wall, but I really think there should be something either in the divorce decree or somewhere that states the custodial parent is the one with final say on these sorts of issues... Good luck!
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Post by Mishamom on Jul 21, 2004 8:39:14 GMT -5
You absolutely need to reread the divorce and have a brief conversation with your attorney. If you are the only custodial parent then you are hands down the only decision maker regarding health decisions except when in situations of emergency. If you both have joint custody then the standard wording should give BOTH of you the right to make decisions when the child is in your possession. This means you have the right medicate when you have possession of the child and your X has the right not to medicate. However, he would be doing it against medical advice. In cases of joint your physician does not need unanimous approval to write a script. Has he read a copy of the divorce decree? It sounds like he is just avoiding being in the middle which is also not appropriate. I know attorneys are expensive, stressful and usually not a route divorced parents want to take if possible but you might consider having your attorney write your X or your X's attorney about the diagnosis, suggested treament and remind him that he would be going against medical advice...something a court would frown upon if either of you should need to take this farther. Usually a good bluff would do it. Good luck, you have made some progress even if it doesn't feel like it yet. |
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Post by rosyred45 on Jul 21, 2004 10:28:03 GMT -5
Oh Aimee, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I agree that it doesn't sound right at all. In working with the kids that I haveat least as far as I have ever heard, who ever the custodial parent it makes the final decision. Yes, there can be a disagreement about it between parents, but like someone said above, that's why there needs to be a decision maker. And I am going to look back and see about the natural alternatives an diet. Was I having an off day? I swear by em....probably was  Good Luck Aimee ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) |
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Post by Amsmom on Jul 21, 2004 19:22:13 GMT -5
Oh Aimee,
I'm so sorry honey, you have had so much crap from the x and now the dr's office is following right along. I hope that you can contact the attorney without a big cost. Or you can try first looking again at the divorce papers and hopefully further determine your parental rights.
Lots and lots of hugs to you sweetheart((((((((Aimee)))))))
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Post by Allanque on Jul 23, 2004 15:43:59 GMT -5
Aimee, if you'd like to tell me what state you're in and what your status is (i.e., custodial, joint, whatever), I'm moving into my apartment this weekend and will have nothing but time and an internet connection (well, outside of work) for most of next week.
Honestly, I think you should be taking him to court for letting the insurance lapse if it's specified in the divorce decree that he's to provide it.
I'm not entirely sure how all that insurance stuff works (I'm still on Dad's), but shouldn't you be able to call the company and ask them if your insurance is current?
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