Help me!! What can I do next???

[Jane]

Hello,

My darling daughter is 6 yrs old and has had a few ups and downs in her little life (mostly my fault). Due to an unsettled home life she has had a few behavoral problems she was reffered to The Children and adolesent mental health service in Jan 04. She goes once a month and they say she is very insecure and has low self esteem which is also reflected by her school reports.
When asked by her teacher if she had improved over the last term she said " Im still naughty and i need to stop chatting?" this is heart breaking for me.

I have had many problems with my daughter eg self harming, Head butting her bunk bed, when i have told her off! When I asked her why she felt she needed to do that she said that she was cross with herself as she could not stop being naughty and she thinks I dont love her. She knows I love her I tell her about 20 times a day and I am always giving her spontanious hugs and kisses. My baby girl is hurting and I dont know what to do to help her!!! Its fustrating for me and I cant imagine what it feels like for my little girl to go through all this.

We have done all what the health professionals have asked positive parenting, reward charts, (if chloe dosent get her star at the end of the day she gets really depressed and thinks she is such a naughty girl). I have tried ignoring the bad behavior but she thinks she can get away with it and does things more naughty to get a reaction from me. I have tried cutting out food additives but there was not difference in her behaviour.

One thing which is kind of working Praise. When she does something well I say "well done you have done that Brilliantly!!!" but if there is one time when she has done this certain thing and i dont praise her she automatically pulls me up on it. It is very tireing for me and the summer holidays have been a strugglt 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

To cut a long story short 2months ago Chloe's phsycologist asked me to fill out these forms to test her for ADHD her school also had to fill some out. God knows what they were but I still have not had a reply!!

I have looked up on the net about ADHD and chloes phsycologist has said i should concider to pros and cons of medication for her. Im just a bit lost as to this whole new world and am scared of putting her on any medication? What will it do to her!? Also what medication would it be there is so many its scary?

Ive had my moan now and got some things off my chest. I'll just have to wait and see what happens next!!!!!

[ohmama]

Jane,
The best thing you can do is to educate yourself on this. Go to the library and check out "Straight Talk about Psychiatric Medications for Kids" by Dr. Timothy Wilens.

Good luck and don't be too hard on yourself. You are making a great effort now and your efforts will be rewarded. There are no perfect parents. We are all here to help each other, you have come to the right place.

[rosyred45]

Welcome to the family Jane, as Ohmama said, we are here to help each other.

As you look among the post, you might pull tidbits from one and tidbits from another, and an idea will click for you.

I work with children as well as have 2 of my own, my son is 7 diagnosed adhd and he is VERY HYPER.

First things first. Sit Chloe down and let her know that her behavior is unacceptable. Mind you not her, her BEHAVIOR. Find some way to comunicate with her that you would both like to have her succeed and that she need to be accountable for her actions.

There are alot of different ideas that some of the family here uses. You can check out the Behavior section to help look for any answers. And the education section to help with any modifications that might be of a help.

And above all, you are not a bad mom, we are her for you. Come as often as you like. AND I have learned that there are no stupid questions.

Take care and welcome again
Kaiti

[AnneM]

Jane ... Welcome aboard ... you are in the right place and I promise you will find a warm welcome here and also people who really DO understand. You might do well to put this post in behaviour ... or in fact medication ... both of those areas I am sure will give you very helpful and understanding response.

As Oh Mama and Kaiti have already said you are NOT a bad parent. ADHD and its comorbid conditoins has NOTHING to do with parenting.... Well ok correction ... the right parenting can HELP fix things but it certainly does NOT cause the problems in the first place ...

You say your daughter responds well to praise ... So does my 16 year old ADD son ... and he ALWAYS has done ... when I started to praise what he was doing right rather than criticise for what he was doing wrong we took some big steps forward over the years ... It sounds to me like you are really heading in the right direction!

Medication can certainly help our children to "calm down" and to concentrate. Firstly however you need to know the full diagnosis and whether there are other conditions along with the adhd/add. Adhd/add is generally treated with stimulants or the newer concerta. Both have been very successful. My own son is on Concerta (a once a day stimulant) which has certainly helped him "settle down" at school in the past 3 years ... Before that he was the "class clown" and tended to be "disruptive" in the classroom setting.

However, you may prefer to try alternatives rather than medication and I would suggest you take a look around the "Natural Alternatives Board" which gives a huge amount of incredible information...

Oh!! One other thing .. you said you were asked to fill in some forms to find out whether Chloe has adhd but that you have not had a reply. I would PUSH for a reply on this but make sure that the diagnosis is NOT made by the forms alone ... Chloe should be tested much more thoroughly than just forms to make a diagnosis.

Jane .. Welcome Aboard ... I hope you will stay and chat with us and let us know how things are going ...

Please keep us posted and I hope to see you around the board...

[finnmom]

Hey Jane

Welcome to the family, I´am sure that when you look around here, you´ll find a lot of answer´s and support in here.

Other´s have already said this, but I say it once again, because this particular fact is so easy to forget or pass: YOU ARE NOT A BAD PARENT, YOU´RE A GOOD MOM, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!!

You´ve shown how good parent you are, by shearching and questioning, that´s a good start. My ds9 is adhd, got his dx at the age of 7, when starting school. Dx was a relief for me, some explanation for my ds´s behaviour, helped me to look for some solution´s.

Like Anne said; push them for test´s, they have to take deeper test´s that just a question-form to fill.

As for med´s... you can look our med-section about different alternative´s, and look at the natural alternative´s too, there is so much info in there.

Welcome again, let us know how it´s going on with your dd.

[Linda]

Hi Jane and welcome....Can't add much here...the advice has been great.

Post away and I am sure we can help you.