here's a question - what is a baby to you?

[HooDunnit]

If your child and their partner had a baby together but they were not married, would you consider that baby to be your grandchild? Or would you refuse to recognize it as such because its parents were not married?

[DANIEL]

a child is innocent, it is free from all blame of any kind,, its action as it grows become its responsebility. to not claim the child is an act of anger, dissaproval, or one of a whole bunch of emotions that the child itself did not incurr. for what ever reason one would have and, if examined, would place responsibilty on the parents of the child. you could philosophise on this for hours and hours, about bloodline and indirect action of the mother and father, in their inability to bring up a child properly or how you would deem to have been proper, in order for this to not have occurred. in so much as the parents of the parent who have had a child out of wedlock. who is to blame??? the end result being to blame someone in order to escape, responsibility, humiliation, guilt, or maybe a couple of other things i am not thinking of. in the end the child has been born into a world where unconditional love is almost non-existant. a problem that there is no mass cure for. it has to begin with one person, and then go from there.... love not to be confused with forgiveness... the two do not have to coexist nor does condoneing the act.

[Linda]

Refuse? Oh my gosh NO!!!My son is not married to Jacob's mom....I love that boy with all my heart!!

Daniel is right uncondional love...the children are innocent.

[ohmama]

Well said Daniel!! This truth is very logical.

[tridlette]

I read the GUIDEPOST magazine cover to cover the day it comes in every month.

Recently, I read a story of a man who works at church in mid America. He was at church when he was called and told his wife had been the victim of a violent home invasion crime.

Three months later they discovered she was pregnant as a result of the crime. She was white, the assailant was black. Her husband had an extremely difficult time accepting her choice to have the baby, and then to raise it.

Through extensive prayer and discussion, they chose together to raise the child. She is now a bright girl, about 8 or 10, and is unconditionally loved by her entire family, including older and younger siblings.

To me, this story shows that the child is worthy of love according to God, or nature if you prefer, and heritage, social standing, marital status, or DNA should not be a reason for giving or denying a child love!

[aimee30]

When my youngest son was born I was not married to his father. DS was never denied by anyone. I couldn't imagine them not. But I think Daniel said it best:

a child is innocent, it is free from all blame of any kind,, its action as it grows become its responsebility. to not claim the child is an act of anger, dissaproval, or one of a whole bunch of emotions that the child itself did not incurr

[sportsmom]

Maybe this is the wrong question for me to answer---my dh and I were not married when both boys were born. We had lived together for 2+ years before Riley was born and then when Levi was 10 months old we finally did get married. All grandparents involved have always accepted my children as their grandchildren--no questions asked. My grandmother took it the hardest she really wanted dh and I do be married (a devoted catholic my grandparents are) but she embraced both kids without any prejudice. If I had to go back and do it over I would have rather been married first but I had some pretty bad circumstances in my life at that time and my dh stood by me and took care of me when the going was bad for me (family problems involved my mother and her being abusive to me and my younger brother--I was taken out of my home on my 18th bday because of things getting out of control and then days of going to court to get custody of my baby brother)--anyways sometimes that is how life is----you do the best that you can and accept what god gives you. I couldn't love my kids anymore (or any less) just because of a marriage license and I know that is how all grandparents in our situtation feel. It is kinda funny thou after we did get married my grandma says to me (bless her heart) now you can have more kids ---uh no grandma I think I am done LOL LOL LOL

[Linda]

Cheryl...What a blessing you are to get custody of your brother!Is he still with you?

[finnmom]

Here is the cultural difference between our countrie´s. In here it´s more and more common for pair´s to have kid´s and not get married. I dont figure why, but it´s about half and 50/50 % of the parent´s nowadays.....

I, personally, dont understand why a couple who love´s each other´s and is excepting/has a child, couldnt get married But.... every one has to live their live´s at their own way´s

The bottom line being: no matter if the parent´s are not married, the child is always a precious gift

[Sorka]

You trying to tell use something?

[finnmom]

Sorka said:

You trying to tell use something?

Mainly just the same that Daniel said so well; it´s not the child´s fault... So he/she should be appresiated as him/herself; a precious baby

[sportsmom]

Linda,

This all happened along time ago. My "baby brother" is now 23 with a child of his own!! I did get part-time custody of him along with his dad (my brother and I had the same mom but different dads---I have never considered him my half brother he has always been my brother!) Things have worked out in the end and I have been with my dh for 18 years (married 13).

[Linda]

Cheryl,

I am so glad you stepped up to the plate for your brother....others would not.Tells me a lot about your character!! Your family is lucky to have you.

[rosyred45]

I agree Linda, shows you how strong the bonds are in the family. Great Big Sister.

And to the original question. Mike and I were engaged when I found out I was pregnant with Tara, but because my sister was getting married in 94, mom asked for us to wait adn let my sister have her year

So Tara was at our wedding. Matter of fact, the other day Mikey said he wished we would have waited until he was born to get married so he could be at the wedding ;)That's my boy

[jdmom]

It is sad to say, but raising a child and having a marriage are really 2 separate issues. Some people are married all their lives and never have children. And everyone knows that having a child does a complete 360 to any marriage. Being a good husband/wife doesn't mean you are a good father/mother. Just because a child's parents are not married, doesn't mean that that child doesn't "exist", KWIM?

I did everything backwards. I got pregnant, then got married. I have to say, there is a 75% chance I would have got married even if I hadn't gotten pregnant, I was that head over heels. But I can also say that if I knew then what I know now, I would have never gotten married to him. And I can also say that if anyone ever asked my advice about the situation "Oh gee, I'm pregnant, should we run out and get married?" I would answer them with a big fat "NO".