Do I have ADD

[onedge]

I am having my daughter evaluated for adhd and highly suspect my two sons as add. I kept reading how common for a parent to have it and thought how could I have married to add spouses and not know it. Realization time. I am the only common parent between all three children and really started thinking about my childhood and so on. There was always and inability to get organized, beneath my potential, daydreaming, stupid mistakes, procrastination, etc. I took the Amen test and it came highly probable. I am just like WOW, this is me. Internally disorganized. It is also overwhelming. I have suffered my entire life with depression and anxiety, extremely sensitive to criticism, etc. I have tried anti-depressants, but didn't seem to work.

I never failed and really didn't struggle too hard in school, except math. I learned to take good notes because I usually tuned out the teacher and quickly caught on. On the job, my most successful job was an assistant to the director of a juvenile bootcamp. In that job, I was expected to be all the things ADD people are not. But I was extremely successful and really was the person everyone relied on to get the job done. After careful thought into why I might have been successful I was allowed to be creative, it allowed me to do a different task when I was bored, very positive bosses, I could fake the disorganization within my own office so I could put my energy in organizing projects, I was allowed to be a leader, etc. When I promoted to a probation officer, I had a difficult time. Maybe, because everything had to be done in a little square, nonpositive atmosphere, I would make decisions and wonder what in the world was I thinking. I was so miserable that I started to have panic attacks. Now, I am at home and so internally disorganized and spacey that I am just drained all the time.

There is still the depression issue, but is this the result of possible ADD?

[Douglas]

onedge,

it is common among adults with ADD/ADHD to find minimal childhood symptoms and only a cross-section of outwardly-expressed symptoms in adulthood. If you see yourself as creative and intelligent, and have some degree of personal expressiveness with others, then you probably were successful in childhood at implementing instinctive coping skills. It is often with age-appropriate changes in our metabolism and endochrine system that we find ourselves in mid-life or later beset with difficulties for which we can no longer compensate. In addition, we often find ourselves Peter Principled beyond our coping skills --- ie, promoted to a level of responsibility where even our ability to work around our disability cannot save us from the work that needs done.

It sounds to me as though you are indeed ADD. This doesn't need to be bad news; it seems you already have a handle on yourself, but you still look at yourself and see internal disarray, oversensitivity, etc., and wish for something more.

Yes, depression often goes hand-in-hand with ADD. Look into treatment and see what improvements in your life are possible! You'll find others here will cheer you on every step of the way!

Doug

[onedge]

After I posted this last night, I went and did a little further research and find my life is very typical of ADD. I couldn't understand why my house is always messy and disorganized despite effort, how I hate doing the checkbook and paperwork, starting projects and not finishing them, good attentions but no follow-through, spending hours focused on one thing, always losing things, never remember names, always running late and forgetting appointments even though I wrote them down, to-do lists all over the house, etc.

Also, I have found characteristics of ADD that actually can help an adult be successful. Creativity (a plus when helping kids with projects), reasearch (always teaching themselves new things), analytical (ability to find details others miss), intuitive (always comforting and helping others), humorous, fun-loving, remembers what it was like to be a child, usually has strong bonds with kids, etc.

ADHD adults may be disorganized, or always late, or forgetting to return borrowed items, but they do have many good qualities that "normies" don't quite have for themselves. I am not worried about the possibility of having ADD myself, actually it is a major relief because it fills in a few blanks in my life.

[Sorka]

What will you do about it, Onedge? As I was reading your post it could have been me writing. Except replace the juvinile camp stuff with Head Start centers and the probation officer promotion to an assistant director of a daycare run by and obsessive compulsive woman.. I too am now at home and I am finding that flying by the seat of my pants is not working well now..

With 4 kids homeschooling 2 of them.. (with the structure of a virtual academy charter school) I feel like I am hitting a wall every time I turn around! The finances are a mess, the house is a mess.. I am a mess.. there is no routine..
I am concidering getting diagnsed and getting a prescription for Strattera for me.. I really need something to focus.
I don't know..

[Douglas]

onedge, you are so right about the beauty of our differences! Many creative figures in human history display the symptoms that make us the way we are, and they contributed greatly to their cultures in many ways. So can we!

Beware, however, of the effects of aging on your condition. As our metabolisms shift, our condition can worsen. And as our coping strategies succeed in the workplace, we can find ourselves overloaded.

Embrace your differences, and never be ashamed of who you are! But if you find yourself struggling, don't hesitate to call for help! It's out there for anyone who will seek it.

Doug

[on_edge]

You are so right on about the age effecting ADD and the ability to cope. I am at that point now. I had to leave my job because I thought I had a nervous breakdown. Doc put me on zanax and prozac. I have been in a fog since, but stopped the meds because I didn't feel better with them. The anxiety attacks calmed, but the feelings of inadequacy continued. Actually, since the realization of possible ADD, I have been giving myself inner rewards for finishing a task or even keeping the kitchen clean. I just now know that it is okay to give your best even if you don't receive the results you wanted. I am also lucky to have good support from hubby (he doesn't complaom about mess, tardiness, late dinners, etc.) In fact, our relationship seems to have improved, probably because I have stopped being so centered on what is wrong with me. He still doesn't help around the house very much or with the parenting, but he doesn't gripe or get upset with me when I screw up. His attitude is okay your human and tomorrow is another day.

I would love any hints on staying organized, keeping a clean house, parenting, etc.

[george2]

Hi On_Edge,

I just registered for this website. I have had ADHD my whole life. I was deagnosed about three years ago. It is hard to not be on edge when you don't understand something other people see as different from them. They seem to feel they are the norm and everything should be normal. The first thing for success is to keep doing what you are doing in the area of not stressing over the pieces of the puzzle. Next time you look at the mess just snicker and think I must have really been busy lately. Figure where your schedule can have a break in it. After a while it will become a routine. If you get another mess snicker again and fit it in.
I taught school for twenty years and helped young people get help with their ADHD. Most of them were so intimidated by the way they would be perceived by others they would be miserable. Einstine had ADHD. I am glad I have it. I have abilities most people don't come close to having. You probably do to. One thing that is very important is to connect tasks and thinking together like a bracket. That is how the mind of an ADHD person works. Information has to spyder out and hook together. Another thing that helps is to put a picture with things you want to remember. ADHD people see pictures more than words. I had some students with ADHD to do this before a test they were going to take in another class. They connected all of the learning in some way and put a picture with each piece. They all made a hundred on the test.
Medication does help. It is important to not over-medicate at the start. It can scare you away from the help it gives. You can get your doctor to give you twenty mg. Adderall and break it into four pieces. It can cut the price by over half. If five mg. doesn't seem too strong it is a good starting point. A mild analgesic is good to keep handy. It will slow down the effects of the stimulant and help you to relax a little. Ultram seems to work well for this. It can be broken in half to reduce it's effects also. Aiding in the way we process information is the reason for the medication. It gives you to see information in chapters instead of millions of pieces. The little pieces seem overwhelming and can drive you to not wanting to do what you are doing.
I am talking too much.
Hope I have helped.
George